Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Doing Christmas Day BEFORE Christmas?

68 replies

canidot · 30/08/2023 12:10

I alternate Christmas' with the DC, as I'm not with their dad. When they're with him for Christmas, we have our Christmas on Boxing Day or the day after with them, but they come home and we do presents straight away. They're still of Santa-believing age. I was speaking to DP today saying I'm sad I won't have them waking up here Christmas morning, the excitement beforehand on Christmas Eve etc and he suggested doing our Christmas on the 23rd and having the 22nd as our Christmas Eve. I have never heard of anyone doing this and was wondering if anyone had done Christmas with DC before the day itself and if so, any tips? Smile

OP posts:
Tillow4ever · 31/08/2023 02:24

Ask yourself how you would feel if your ex did this next year, and you didn’t get the magic of Xmas on the actual day because he did it all early with the kids?

it’s not fair to do it, and I get why you want to. Is there anyway you could change things so each year they spend Xmas Eve til around 1/2pm with one parent, then go to the other parent where Santa has also visited for the rest of the day? That way you both get to see the kids on the day, but alternate who has the Xmas Eve build up and early morning?

Gingerkittykat · 31/08/2023 05:50

How about you do something to celebrate the winter solstice on the 21st instead?

bluecorn · 31/08/2023 06:31

I think this is the kind of sadness many separated mums and dads face every year OP and there's no getting round it.

As other posters have said, the best possible scenario in this scenario would managing be a magical "pre" Christmas.

Setting aside aside how unfair that is for their dad, it's not fair for them either to have things disrupted just so you can see them open presents first. It's the kind of dumb thing that can cause problems.

It's just simpler to stick with what you've agreed and take turns. BUT - what magical events can you do beforehand, like Christmas fairs or train rides?

Maddy70 · 31/08/2023 06:39

I live abroad and we go back to the UK for a pre-Christmas visit to family and have our family Xmas then as we have no one to leave our animals with over the Xmas period

It works well

OrdinaryGirl · 31/08/2023 06:40

Agree with PPs who have said this would be unfair on your ex. If the roles were reversed and your ex did this to you, I reckon you would have cause to feel hurt and disappointed too. Time to get creative and build in another magical Christmas tradition. Love the fairies idea 🧚‍♀️

Doingmybest12 · 31/08/2023 06:46

I don't see why you need to say its actually another Christmas day? Surely you just do all the food , presents if you want to and have a lovely day together. Stockings I would say are delivered to you on Christmas day and you give them when they get home. I have heard of people telling children it's their birthday on another day thst is more convenient when they are too young to understand. It is just odd.

Sugarfree23 · 31/08/2023 06:47

Op I've a kid who worked out Santa wasn't real at about 6. Grandparents giving a different version of events is what blew it.

Don't ruin Christmas/ Santa for your son. And remember if you do Christmas early this year your ex will get revenge next year.

letmesailletmesail · 31/08/2023 06:47

I think one thing to bear in mind is what you'll want to happen next year when it's your turn to have the DC on 25th Dec. How will you feel if Santa has already been to your ex-DH's. Will 25th be a bit of an anti-climax
I also think you need to consider wider family and how it ties in with them. For example, if you see parents & siblings for Christmas, would you do that on 22/23 next year ... and what happens with any young DC they have?

RedHelenB · 31/08/2023 06:48

NoSquirrels · 30/08/2023 12:15

If your DC are still of Santa-believing age, then no, this is unfair. How would you explain it to them?

If they’re past that age, discuss it with them and do what everyone would enjoy most, be that before or after 25th.

This.

stepstepstep · 31/08/2023 06:53

Absolutely do not do this, my ex does this to me every year that the kids are at mine for Christmas and it drives me up the flipping wall. He’s been known to do two Christmases before actual Christmas with different bits of his family.

The whole point of alternating Christmas is acknowledging that it is a special day that should be shared fairly between separated families. When they are with him on Christmas Day we have a big Boxing Day with family, presents etc.

Especially with small kids who will be invested in the build-up don’t take that specialness away (unless you are prepared for him to do the same to you!)

terraced · 31/08/2023 06:55

We've done it for the same reason as you. It was great. Do what works for you.

Exhausted2022 · 31/08/2023 06:57

I agree with lots of the things said here, whoever’s turn it is for Christmas gets the first “Santa’s been” excitement. The other parent makes pre-Christmas magical with winter solstice events, an illuminated night trail, a Santa train, Christmas movies on the sofa with hot chocolate and a Christmas “picnic”. so much of the magic is in the build up to it.

Is this a new arrangement? Is it impossible to spend Christmas morning with your ex? If you can’t stay there, could you drive over at 5am if needed or he calls you when your child wakes to say santas been… we did this for a few years stalling the children with opening their stockings in their bedrooms whilst I drove over in my pj’s. You can make your own new traditions with your ex or new DP X

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 06:58

Sorry but I think that will ruin their actual Christmas.

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 07:00

You could do Christmassy things in the build up like make mince pies, watch a christmassy film. The build up can often be a magical time.

But no. Don't do this it's not fair on the kids

Stressedoutmammy · 31/08/2023 07:02

I agree with some of the other comments, two Christmas days would be confusing, but can you split some other traditions, for example the parent that doesn’t get Christmas Day is the one that takes them to see Santa, you could find somewhere really magical for the 23rd and maybe also do something with the elf? Our elf leaves pj’s and some things to do on Xmas eve before he leaves, maybe you could bring that forward to the 23rd? Basically the parent who doesn’t have the children does as much of the pre-Xmas traditions as they can but leaves the morning as it is! I don’t envy you, I would hate to not see my children on Christmas morning too, but if you want to keep them believing I think you have to leave it at just one day.

Doingmybest12 · 31/08/2023 07:03

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 06:58

Sorry but I think that will ruin their actual Christmas.

I think there is a risk of this, so yes enjoy the build up but don't take away from the actual day. It's about them not you.

BakingBeanz · 31/08/2023 07:05

Don’t do this- it’s unfair in your ex and on the kids and will come across as you trying to steal his thunder.

You can still do lovely things in the run up to Christmas.

It will be less of an issue when they’re old enough to understand.

lemonyaid · 31/08/2023 07:05

I do also think it's really nice that they can come home on boxing day and see they weren't forgotten in that house on Christmas day because all the present are there. If you do it before you lose that.

ShawleyNot · 31/08/2023 07:14

It's your Ex's year. It's unfair on them. Explaining the Santa thing will be easy, but a second stocking will always be less exciting than the first one. Can you not spend the morning together?! My parents who hated each others guts made nice on xmas day and our birthdays.

FrillyGoatFluff · 31/08/2023 07:14

Will you have them between Christmas Day and NYE?

I find that there's always lots of exciting things happening in the run up to the 25th anyway, but the time after is a bit flat... so maybe don't go before, go for it after and just speak to them on the day and say 'wow, Santa popped in here on his way to daddy's and has left you lots of presents here too!'

GrumpyPanda · 31/08/2023 07:20

Your partner's proposal means celebrating two days early, not just one. Seems weird and no, I wouldn't.

If you want to mix things up a bit though why not go full-on Dutch-German and have a little celebration for the actual St Nicholas Day, December 6? In the Dutch tradition Sinterklaas is I believe actually the main present-giving occasion (plus they've got all the pageantry surrounding the arrival by ship from Spain, etc.) German tradition is much more modest but involves kids putting their actual winter boots/shoes (not fake stockings) in front of their doors the evening before so Santa can fill them with goodies overnight.

cherrylola · 31/08/2023 07:29

I think you’d be short changing their other parent if you did this. It’s not just about alternating the 25th each year, it’s about alternating who gets that ‘moment’ with the kids each year. You had it last year and you’ll have it next year, don’t take it away from their other parent.

Pineapples198 · 31/08/2023 08:36

We did this once when my husband was working Christmas Day. We were staying with in laws and just moved it a day early and celebrated Christmas Day on Christmas Eve. The kids were young enough that they didn’t know the date so was no different for them.
the only thing I would consider in this situation is that if you pretend Xmas eve is Xmas day. And your ex partner then tells them Xmas day is Christmas Day you will have some explaining to do. Or are you planning on saying Santa came early as he knew they’d be away, which can also work

Islandgirl68 · 31/08/2023 11:49

We have been away at Xmas when kids believed in Santa, when we came back that would be our Xmas eve, and in the morning Santa had come. Just told them had contacted Santa and he would come back after our Holiday.

KB2029 · 31/08/2023 17:28

I wouldn't do Xmas early, instead I'd make a special message from Santa to arrive on December 1st with their advent calendars to say he knows they will be somewhere else on Xmas morning so as a special treat he will drop off gifts for them on a different night (state which one) as a favour for their mum and say he would much appreciate all the normal treats being left.