Does anyone actually do the 3/4 gift rule?

[ToddlerMama27]

I just can’t imagine it being exciting to wake up to 3 or 4 gifts 🤷‍♀️

Three or four carefully chosen gifts are equally as exciting as a pile of things that invariably end up not being used/played with.

My kids always got loads of toys and played with them, they loved toys and opening gifts. We always got them what they’d asked for but would also choose others we knew they’d love based on what they were interested in.

Mumsnet seems full of people who have kids that get overwhelmed with too many toys or presents too open. In real life, I’ve never known a NT child get overwhelmed with too many presents/toys.

Of course not. We’re a fill-the-room-with-gifts kind of family for Christmas and birthdays.

Did you really? Because if you did that's awful . 😞

Oh that was supposed to go to previous poster who said they got a used tissue and a beating for their birthday!

I actually did wear, read, want, need last year and it was surprising loads. Stuff like a full football kit, block series of books, Amazon fire tablet and electric toothbrush. Then stocking fillers like sweets, fidget stuff, cheap craft item from tiger.

I have 4 kids and the place was full of gifts. And it didn’t cost that much per child either.

No.

Ds normally gets a 'big present' - laptop, bike, whatever he's asked for, and then the fun starts. Lots of little fun things, some new clothes, some nice things to eat, books, sports stuff, all sorts.

I don't spoil him during the year, so go slightly over the top at Xmas.

We do want, wear, read, need at Xmas, but DCs also receive gifts from other family members, and we do go to a show or panto as well. Most oc our family birthdays fall nov-feb and woebetide anyone gifting a December birthday gift in Xmas wrapping paper 👀

Thats weird because all 4 of mine are NT and when I bought more for them, some gifts (science set, cool jigsaws, balancing toys, Lego kits etc) sat behind the couch untouched for the whole year after. They really weren’t bothered with a lot of the stuff so I thought fuck this, they’re that spoiled nothing is precious, and cut way back last year. They didn’t notice and treated the stuff they did get much better.

I love Christmas and(I hope!) the children do too, but I feel like 3 or 4 gifts is plenty? That is just from us, they obviously get more from family etc.

I try and spead it out too, if they get it all on one day it does seem to descend into mechanically ripping open gifts and not appreciating them. Mine are just small though, reception and nursery, so maybe this will change as they get older. I always felt they'd get fewer but more valuable presents as they got older though?

I do organise a lot of events arpu d Christmas though - pantos and Christmas lights and parties etc, so I hope they don't feel too deprived

I wish I was that refrained! No we just mix it up with what works.

DD gets next to nothing for Xmas. We don’t really celebrate it. She gets spoiled for her birthday (meaningfully) though.

(As we all think Xmas is a load of 💩 it’s a bit pointless spending a lot on it.)

We don't get DS much from us (or "Santa"). It tends to be one big gift, one or small gifts and a couple of books (we don't do stockings). The "big gift" is a properly exciting present. It's very much influenced by the fact he has a large family that like getting him Christmas presents (so he'll have about 8-10 additional ones) and a birthday in February so we need to keep ideas back!

If it was just us buying my DP would stick to the same number of presents but I would want to get him more.

Mine always did the four gift list, but of course got plenty of surprises in addition, plus stocking, plus family gifts.

It was a great list for us as it made it easy for them to complete - they never wanted anything much!

I just give my children a budget and ask what they want. Surprise surprise, they are happy to get what they wanted. Adult DC send me a link. I like that as I can't get it wrong then. Adult DC get a large gift they choose then a stocking that I make up for them with a mixture of things I know they use so favourite shower gel, and a few bits I think they need eg air fresher for their cars. I try to make it fun like a star wars one or last year a lolly pop one. A torch for their car or a drinking cup to go. If I run out of ideas I pop an Amazon voucher in. Sons dgd gets one too. I actually spent more on hers than his because I know she does not earn much money.

As a parent, I buy my children things to wear, things to read and things they need all year long - they're necessities/every day items, not presents.

For presents, I buy them stuff they'd like and want, and wouldn't ordinarily have.

@Stickmansmum Not weird, because I clearly said mumsnet is full of them. And you’re another of them, on mumsnet. I said I didn’t know any in real life.

I do get where you're coming from. I think it could be very joyless if you bought something like, I don't know, new socks and pretended they were a gift because they're 'needed' or because they're 'something to wear'.

But IMO it ought to be things that will make a child happy. Eg., I bought DD a dress with sequins. Sure, it's something to wear, so it could be boring - but she loves it, and I wouldn't have been able to justify the price if it weren't a present. Likewise, I think she needs a bike, but she's still excited to unwrap one. And who doesn't want to unwrap books?! Of course I buy them one at a time through the year, but I see gifts as a time for a lovely spoiling pile of books, new or old, that she can dive into.

Funny you should say, I remember a Christmas when they were little and all the presents on the floor only to see the pair of them playing with some of the boxes and wrapping paper.

You buy your children packs of tissues for a Christmas present?!

Mine always get some novelty tissues in their stocking.
Their stockings have quite a few things that have turned into traditional items after all these years. They would miss them if I didn't put them in!

I buy The Snowman toilet paper so my DC have the excitement of wiping their bums on The Snowman from Dec 1st

I agree, I had this conversation with a friend about this thread, although we do Christmas very different, she thinks I go mad, we agreed the whole “overwhelming” thing is very much parents projecting onto their children or basically talking out of their arses.

We limit what our DCs can ask for but I will always get so much more knowing they will love what we’ve bought, nothing is ever wasted and they certainly don’t get overwhelmed, they dive in and love every second of it. They may not be played with or use everything straight away but they will eventually.

I too have never know a NT child get overwhelmed. I also have friends with ND children who get loads and don’t get overwhelmed.

Yes packs of tissues are the novelty type and as @wildfirewonder says, they have become a tradition, as have pants and socks, nice shower gel, and a pack of vitamins. Santa takes care of them! Don't worry, they get loads of other things in their stockings that you would probably count as suitable gifts, but the stocking probably has about 30 items in it and I don't want to get tat that will be thrown away. My kids love their stockings.

I don't think anyone in real life (in my social class) does and I think people would think they where miserly if they spouted those kinds of virtues.

It always seems after digging that theres caveats to their saintliness too. like:

1. we only do want, need, wear, read because we priorities experience... our kids dont actually need 'things' instead we spend the money on horse riding lessons, gymnastics, taikwando, private school and an annual trip to thailand/Australia/Japan/Caribbean etc... because skills, travel and family bonding is more important than 'stuff' (lucky your privileged ass then, us 'poor folk' not spending £100 at Xmas won't suddenly make us rich to do any of those things).

2. we only do want, need, wear, read we couldn't have a budget and just waste money for the sake of it trying to spend that amount, we have no budget and just buy the minimum... this years want is a VIP tickets to taylor swift, need is a new I phone, wear is a new limited edition pair of Nike airs and read is a first edition signed lord or the rings (yes because £3k+ of stuff on only 4 items is being financially superior to those of us who budget).

3. we ONLY do the 4 things of want, need, wear, read but our kids get plenty... for want they are getting the new barbie house, 3x new barbie dolls, the new barbie car to go with the house and barbies dream wardrobe, for need they are getting a new scooter, helmet, crash pads and a years membership to the indoor skate club for read they are getting all 120 books from their favorite series and for wear we have bought them the new disney princess dress, new hat and glove set, an oodie, a new pair of glittery doc martins and 5 new outfits (thats not 4 things more like 20).

4. we only do want, need, wear, read because kids get too much stuff from people at xmas and xmas should be about time spent with the extended family... we have 4 set of grandparents who go crazy and 6 childless aunts and uncles on each side who spoil them and each kid has 3 god parents and our 5 best friends buy for them too its just all too much for kids (yeah many of us dont actually have family or dont have rich family/friends that go insane buying for our kids. I only have 1 family member left and they usually buy each of my kids a T-shirt or book and that more than I would ever 'expect' from anyone).

5. we only do want, need, wear, read and a stocking... my kids getting a new kindle fire as their want, new gaming keyboard as their need, a new superdry hoody as their wear and a subscription to their favorite magazine as read + the stocking which only includes a 18 carat gold curb bracelet, a bottle of emporio armarni and football season tickets + their favorite specially imported sweets and a few miniature alcohols. (yeah those class as gifts too a stocking filler is like a flavored lip gloss, novelty pop, a keyring and chocolate orange not things that cost £50+).

6. we only do want, need, wear, read because nothing is needed... we bought them a new laptop just last month and a new phone in august and they get brand named trainers when they need new trainers etc... and they spend their own allowance of £400 a month on on anything else they want. (once again many can't afford to just buy for the sake of buying throughout the year on a whim or to give our kids an allowence thats the same as our monthly rent).

These are slightly hyperbolic but not actually THAT stretched and actually the crux of several arguments on want/need/wear/read that have popped up in the past.

Yep my Xmases where always massive... it was just me and mam and she went crazy. I loved it and do the same for my kids... never been overwhelmed.

And gifts arent JUST for xmas day, they last on going... my kids might not play with something for 6 months then suddenly its the coolest thing in the world when they find it in the toy box. Means I dont need to buy random stuff in July too.

I also see the argument that kids will go off stuff too... they don't. No one completely changes personality overnight. I have neurological issue that make me have a very short attention span and even I cycle through what I love coming back to it again and again even if I lose complete interest for a while. Between 3 and 8 kids tastes remain fairly steady, then theres usually the 'pre-teen' switch (cartoons and toys might go out in favor of say video games and sports) and then its fairly steady if not 'trendy' for a few years then another shift in the teens (to more adult stuff like fashion and music) but if your 3 year old loves hey duggee hes not likely to suddenly hate it a week after xmas and then never ever like it again.