Does anyone actually do the 3/4 gift rule?

[ToddlerMama27]

I just can’t imagine it being exciting to wake up to 3 or 4 gifts 🤷‍♀️

I don't think it's poor bashing . It's more a middle class thing is my understanding.

We do it to manage expectations because we can't afford piles of presents even if we were to "pick things up from charity shops" (like what? What am I buying for a 14 year old boy from a charity shop to add to these mounds of presents? And that isn't clothes, cos that's one of the boring categories right??) So yeah, I'm sure you all think my Christmas is super boring but my kids have always known they will get 4 presents each, and yes one of those is clothes. They don't expect big piles and are always grateful for what they get.

We don't do it for the social media posts or some middle class worthiness we do it cos it's the only way we can afford Christmas.

But yeh, being poor is pretty boring, you're not wrong.

No definitely not. I go crazy at Christmas, my DDs get 20/30 presents but that includes what some people would probably consider stocking fillers. They usually get the WRWN list but it’s out of coincidence rather than planned. Both Christmas and Birthdays is very much driven by want, they do get need based gifts but there is generally a cross over, e.g they’d get a more expensive clothing item I wouldn’t justify buying throughout the year.

No, and I'd never heard of it until I discovered MN. I go for just things they want. That's not to say that I spend loads though - my Christmas present budget is measly compared with most MNers, based on threads I've read.

It's not poor people who feel the need to follow some arbitrary poem about how they don't do anything as vulgar as try to give their children as much as they possibly afford at Christmas so they feel it is a magical, special time when for the rest of the year, their life is pretty shit due to poverty.

I literally stick to 4 presents each including one which is clothes because I can't afford a fucking magical pile of a million presents. 4 is as much as i can possibly afford and that's a stretch. Sorry if I'm a boring Muggle

I don't know what the poem is? we get 4 gifts each, one is usually a book or something un-techy, (last year I got a lovely new notepad and pen in my "book" gift) one is clothes and the other two are a small gift and a main gift.

We don't read a poem though.

Mine get around 4 presents each. They’re not dictated by a poem though. My parents used to give me and my siblings absolutely loads of stuff for Xmas and I just remember getting bored of opening stuff and feeling overwhelmed when I was told to go and put it all away. I didn’t want to do that with my kids. We do quite a lot over December (panto or ballet trips and Christmassy days out) that we wouldn’t be able to afford if we bought them tonnes of presents.

My kids still get very excited on Christmas morning, they love opening their presents and what they do get is very much wanted and always used afterwards so it works for us!

The poem is something you want, something you need, something to wear, something to read

I'd not heard of this outside MN, and it wouldn't work for us - for example, because DD likes clothes so something she wants would often be clothes anyway. And I don't like the idea of something that is needed being presented as a gift.

But, we don't give DD piles of presents. I know you can do it cheaply; you can go round charity shops or whatever and amass a huge pile. But why would you bother?

(And btw: it's not a 'poem'. It's doggerel verse. One thing you can give a child, which costs nothing, is experience of proper poetry.)

We often go away for Christmas so everyone gets one gift. This year as all teens we actually did secret Santa using an online wish list. It worked really well.

Packs of tissues?

But is it three or four gifts total, or is it three or four gifts from your parents plus things from other family members, friends etc plus a Christmas stocking maybe? Makes a difference.

I don’t think my mum would know of a poem but she likes to stick to something to eat, something to wear, something to read - and maybe a “bigger” present at Christmas too. Honestly it’s a nice way of making sure you get a range of things you can actually use & enjoy.

I'd never come across this concept until reading this thread.

We don't go mad. Most stuff around at Christmas is absolute tat. They each get a couple of biggish presents but nothing that is tat- nothing throwaway.
In addition, they get a couple of books, some art materials, something to wear and a small thing they really want . They are always delighted. PIL do not get them any tat either. We try to avoid landfill stuff.

Yes always do just 3/4 from us as parents. Its quality over quantity for us, i don't want to buy them lots of little things that will just fill up our house. They get presents from us, from santa, from family and friends - its more than enough stuff!

As I read it I wondered if anyone else had picked up on that too. How is that a Christmas present?

I didn't realise there was a rule!

I don’t understand it either. MN would most likely be horrified at what we’ve bought our children over the years 😂. Our joy is in giving and over the years seeing our children’s faces at receiving things they never expected.

This is why I love mumsnet, every day is a school day. One of the best presents you can give dc is the gift of language. And it's free!

I didn't really know about it

It might be useful for buying gifts for partners, older children etc

I have never seen this in real life. Everyone I know gets their kids what they want and no one only gets 4 gifts and I grew up in a deprived area. MN does not reflect reality on most subjects.

I plan to use it as a rough concept, to remind myself to balance my spending through the year if that makes sense. Rather than buying clothes or books through the year, I align the pricier aspects with their birthday or Christmas.

I also interpret it loosely. "Something they need" doesn't need to be something bland and utilitarian that they don't already own, it could just be an upgrade of a needed item they already own. "Something to wear" doesn't necessarily mean basic underwear and jeans.

Three or four carefully chosen gifts are equally as exciting as a pile of things that invariably end up not being used/played with.

I do. Want, need, wear, read in Santa's stocking and the present asked for in the letter to Santa.

And then I used to do an adapted longer version from me: want, eat, wear, keep, learn, need, watch, read but will be cutting down to main present and then the 4 present rule as I'll have two small people to provide for this year

DS would get horrendously overwhelmed by mountains of presents. It depends on the child I guess