Special present just from dad. Is this weird?

[User4873628]

Dh has a stepdad, his dad died when he was small. Stepdad came into the family when dh and his sisters were early teens so Santa was long gone.

Every year dfil (stepdad) used to buy everyone a special present just from him. Everyone made a big deal of this, how wonderful he was to go out and shop for a special present for everyone. Never anything big, a book or a hand cream. He doesn't do it any more, they don't go out shopping so much.

I guess it was nice of him, but typically enough, dmil bought everything else then this one gift from dfil was handed out at the end and everyone thought he'd worked a miracle. He had a busy and important job in a bank and not every busy and important banker went and bought the women in his family hand cream on their lunch break. That's honestly the way they carried on.

Now we have kids, I do the present buying. But we plan together what we're going to buy and all. This year dh decided to do like his dad and choose a special present just from him. He handed out these presents once everything else was opened and made a big deal about his special presents that he'd chosen specially for each person. He didn't tell me in advance that he was going to do it so I didn't have any special present left to give.

Our older dc was quite puzzled by this special present and why I didn't buy one. He'd forgotten about it later in the day with all the excitement but he asked again at bedtime yesterday about daddy's special present. (I realise that sounds dodgy, it was just a Star Wars figure)

is this weird? Should I tell dh not to do it next year, or should I also buy a special present just from me? Does it then become a special present competition?

Or is it a sweet family tradition that I should let dh carry on with good grace?

I’d hit the roof

its amazing and special thst he’s ducking done something that you’ve both already done.

Oops.

This would really piss me off and I’m not quite sure why
however my 15 year bought a joint Christmas present for dh and I with his dog walking money and also bought me an extra present (which was something I wanted but couldn’t justify getting) and it was very kind and no one thought it was weird

Maybe just start framing the presents you but as “from mummy”.

or, less passive aggressive, tell your DH why is annoyed you and ask why the one thing he buys gets to be “ the special present daddy buys” but all the other things you buy just have to be general presents? He’s probably not even considered it from that perspective

I don't think I'd be happy with that happening.

However, my dad has actually always done similar. It's never referred to as his "special present", it's not really mentioned at all, and there's no big deal about it. But generally after everyone has opened all the presents that had clearly been bought and wrapped by my mum, dad would bring something out for everyone. Usually not wrapped and usually something topical, like T-shirts of a box set we'd been binging, or something funny, or maybe a nice perfume or something.

He never expects praise or acts like he was so important we should be grateful or anything like that. He's just quite a simple soul and he doesn't really buy into all the commercialism of Christmas. I don't think he's really got any interest in all the numerous gifts my mum buys and wraps and he just wants to get one small, meaningful thing for people.

We always had one present that was just from dad when I was growing up. It was never presented as a big deal, just the small present in the tree was the one dad got us.

If he wants to start this tradition, makes sure that the big ceremony could be framed as.....the one present that Dad sorted!!

It seems he is remembering a childhood tradition he enjoyed and wants to make it a new tradition for his own family.
If the children are aware all the other gifts are from both parents/Santa and this is a small token gift chosen by their dad and includes a gift for mum I would let him go ahead.
I wouldn't be lavishing him with praise as was the way with his dad but just accept it's done without malice or competitiveness which hopefully it is.

Yes indeed. Fuck that. It's hard to imagine a mother doing that.

At some point, when it started, presumably his gifts from stepdad would have been "gift from mum's new boyfriend Bob." Because that year he was joining them for Christmas and it was a big deal and nice for him to give something. And it just continued (probably because he rather liked basking in the glow of being a New and Thoughtful man, above all others.)

Whereas your DH has always been on the scene, there's no dead father in your kids back story or new man in their mum's life. It's just a dickhead thing for him to do. Especially without discussing it with you. If he feels he wants more say in present buying there's nothing stopping him going out and buying presents, I doubt you would have vetoed Star Wars figure.

In my head I have visions of those old films where a man in a suit goes to a department store late on Christmas eve and says to the assistant "I want something for a Wife, a boy of 10 and 2 girls". And she says "how about some gloves, a train set and dolls?" "Why yes that'll be grand, and have them wrapped will you?"
Cut to him walking in the front door with beautiful packages to much praise and children running to him going "Daddy, daddy!" and Wife offering him a scotch while swooning because her heart is so full of love for her Good Man.

When really he's not the messiah, he's a very naughty boy.

My Dad did this, with hindsight I can completely see that it was so unfair, as Mum made Xmas happen in all other regards, but I can still remember the things he bought my sister and I, they were very run of the mill gifts, but they were special as he had shopped and chosen them...if DH tried this now I would be fuming, For all the reasons stated above, but as a child it was very special and memorable, although unfair to Mum!

I buy 99% of DDs presents as I shop throughout the year and if left to DH her presents would still be trickling in by Royal Mail.

I always buy her a book from me so I guess thats a special present scenario. DH is massively dyslexic so has no interest in books whereas I love buying a classic book for her collection. He takes her for special days out so it all balances out though.

My thoughts too.

I have always done ALL the presnet buying, sorting, wrapping for our dc. TBH DH doesnt even have a clue what theyre getting. I dont want it to be like this but it is. For years I tried to get him onvloved/interested with no joy, so have just accepted it is how it is. A couple of years ago he took a notion he was going to get ech dc a gift. To be fair he just added them to their other gifts, but they were wrapped in different paper and he told them the gifts were from him and it was all a bit "oh look at this special present from dad". was a bit odd in all honesty. He did this for 2 years. this year he only managed to buy a gift for 2 out of 4 dc so didnt give them. Turns out the effort of buying 4 whole gifts for more than 2 years was just too much for him. Makes me very sad and angry tbh.
I'd be really angry if I was you OP and tell him that is def not on. Or as others have said make it clear all other gifts are from you alone.