Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Special present just from dad. Is this weird?

64 replies

User4873628 · 03/01/2023 16:48

Dh has a stepdad, his dad died when he was small. Stepdad came into the family when dh and his sisters were early teens so Santa was long gone.

Every year dfil (stepdad) used to buy everyone a special present just from him. Everyone made a big deal of this, how wonderful he was to go out and shop for a special present for everyone. Never anything big, a book or a hand cream. He doesn't do it any more, they don't go out shopping so much.

I guess it was nice of him, but typically enough, dmil bought everything else then this one gift from dfil was handed out at the end and everyone thought he'd worked a miracle. He had a busy and important job in a bank and not every busy and important banker went and bought the women in his family hand cream on their lunch break. That's honestly the way they carried on.

Now we have kids, I do the present buying. But we plan together what we're going to buy and all. This year dh decided to do like his dad and choose a special present just from him. He handed out these presents once everything else was opened and made a big deal about his special presents that he'd chosen specially for each person. He didn't tell me in advance that he was going to do it so I didn't have any special present left to give.

Our older dc was quite puzzled by this special present and why I didn't buy one. He'd forgotten about it later in the day with all the excitement but he asked again at bedtime yesterday about daddy's special present. (I realise that sounds dodgy, it was just a Star Wars figure)

is this weird? Should I tell dh not to do it next year, or should I also buy a special present just from me? Does it then become a special present competition?

Or is it a sweet family tradition that I should let dh carry on with good grace?

OP posts:
DoesItMakeYouFeelBetter · 03/01/2023 17:24

Next year, label everything that you have sourced and wrapped as just from you.

Floralnomad · 03/01/2023 17:28

Just tell him that you don’t like it and you don’t want him doing it again , it’s ridiculous and implies that because a man has gone shopping it’s something great .

Newlifestartingatlast · 03/01/2023 17:34

Simplelobsterhat · 03/01/2023 17:00

I would talk to DH before next Christmas and agree that either all presents are from both of you, or the name of the parent who did the work to get them goes on each (in which case you will have more with your name on!) He can't have it both ways.

This.
draw up a list of what you agree to get together. Split it in half and say he gets to organise, buy wrap those on his half of list plus a surprise just from him to a certain amount
you do the same.

bugger him getting a special look what I did, for not much effort, and all your efforts are invisible and duelnamed. Your doing too much of his heavy lifting OP

KickBoxingDay · 03/01/2023 17:37

What a hero, give him a medal. It would give me the rage tbh.

pocketvenuss · 03/01/2023 17:43

I would have looked puzzled and said "ALL the other presents were the special presents from me. I have no idea why your dad only bought you one..." and give him a LOOK

BellePeppa · 03/01/2023 17:54

When I was young we would always get a special present given to us after we’d opened everything else but it was always from both my parents. I wouldn’t like this set up with just your dh doing it and I wouldn’t have liked it as a child.

Aishah231 · 03/01/2023 17:55

As others have said OP that is really annoying. I agree with others that if he wants to do the 'special' present bollocks you just say ok we'll buy separate presents for the children then and don't share any of your ideas with him! How is his 'special'!!!! Misogyny at it's finest I'm very very annoyed on your behalf!

BluIsTheColour · 03/01/2023 17:59

I totally get why it seems weird and maybe the way he did it was. Especially if making it out to be special.

My dad used to do this. It actually started off with he wld put it form Santa stick it under the tree but it would arrive a few days early 🤷🏻‍♀️ often allowed to open it early too lol.

When we were older it wld simply be a gift from him. I didn't find it strange at all growing up because I knew my mum did all the hard work getting everything for us for our Christmas that was from both of them. My dad used to get an "allowance" 😂 and that wld be for going to fball, pub or whatever. So he wld buy us these gifts from that money.

If my dh started trying to do this though I'd prob also be pissed off 🙈 not sure I'm much help at all. I'd be inclined to join him and give a special gift just form you too lol.

2Hot2Handle · 03/01/2023 18:02

Do you think he’s aware of the other side of this? If his dad did it, then perhaps not. I’d lay it out for him and say that while it’s lovely that he buys a present for each person, when many men leave all the gift buying to their partner, by making a big deal out of his gift over the “joint” ones that you’ve purchased, he’s suggesting that it’s more special than all the gifts that the mother/you have spent time planning, buying and wrapping.

If he still doesn’t get it, ask if he’d be okay if just your name was on the other gifts in future then, and you do your own present buying. Maybe then the penny will drop!

starfishmummy · 03/01/2023 18:03

I think it's his family tradition and he has just decided that it would be a nice thing to do. It's weird that he has just decided to start it (I'm guessing the OPs children aren't babies) and not thought to discuss it. I wonder what prompted him to do it?

However I wouldn't turn it into a competition but would probably have a discussion about it before next Xmas.

Runningintolife · 03/01/2023 18:05

I have never allowed Santa or DH to take credit for any presents I buy. Works well for me.

Aria2015 · 03/01/2023 18:15

I'd give him to benefit of the doubt regards his intentions. Sounds like this was something special he remembers from his past and he's trying to recreate it. I doubt he's thought much beyond that (unless he has a habit of showing you up, trying to take the glory for other things?). Have a word and tell him how it makes you feel - I'm sure he'll conclude it's not worth doing if it causes any resentment your side.

AnyOldThings · 03/01/2023 18:15

We ‘kind of’ do this but differently.

DH works away in the week so doesn’t see DD as much and doesn’t get as much time to plan Xmas so as I’d often the way, I do pretty much all of it.

However, I do but one gift just from DH for DD. Equally some years DH will see something and buy it if ask me to order it for him. It’s just a way for him to remind her he made an effort even though he’s away so much and the gift is just randomly added in amongst all her other presents to be opened as and when she comes to it. DD knows I do all the Xmas buying/planning so I think this one gift from him makes her smile.

I do think your DH’s way of it being handed out as the grand finale makes it rank higher and that doesn’t sit right with me. Also if he’s as equally present in the children’s lives I see no reason to do it.

Sux2buthen · 03/01/2023 18:18

starfishmummy · 03/01/2023 18:03

I think it's his family tradition and he has just decided that it would be a nice thing to do. It's weird that he has just decided to start it (I'm guessing the OPs children aren't babies) and not thought to discuss it. I wonder what prompted him to do it?

However I wouldn't turn it into a competition but would probably have a discussion about it before next Xmas.

Now now, we don't allow common sense round these parts.
Where's the outrage? Grin

pifflesticks · 03/01/2023 18:51

Sounds the equivalent of the family bbq. Mum does all the prep, makes the side dishes etc, Dad does some performance cooking burning some meat and gets the credit for being wonderful

AnnieFarmer · 03/01/2023 18:59

That’s ridiculous and a total show off. All gifts should be ‘special’; they’re all chosen especially with the recipient in mind. It’s just a complete ego trip of a ‘tradition’. I would ditch it immediately.

itsthefinalcountdown1 · 03/01/2023 19:00

Next year, all the presents you are organised are "special presents from mum" clearly. I think this is horrible tbh. You've completed the wife work and he takes all the credit for one special present, where everything you bought was from the both of you.

He sounds like an idiot.

creamcoffee · 03/01/2023 19:02

it doesnt seem very united

Mañanarama · 03/01/2023 19:05

”Kids, you can open ALL the special presents from mum first, then the little one that dad got for you”

purser25 · 03/01/2023 19:10

My Dad always went out and got some nice soap or bubble bath or shampoo for me and my Mum I assume he did something for my brothers as well. I just thought it was nice.

Loachworks · 03/01/2023 19:15

I might sound petty but DH attempted to do this with DD and I wouldn't allow it. She was bought an expensive phone (an iPhone 14+ for a joint Birthday and Christmas main present and was given it early December.) Most of the other things she was given apart from stocking fillers she chose because they were clothes, books, etc.
On the 23rd of December, even after being told DD wasn't getting as much as DSs because of the phone he bought her a Vivienne Westwood necklace and wanted her to know he chose it especially and it was from him. I told him she knew about it in advance, she didn't. I always thought of all the DC's gifts as coming from both of us. I refused to sit there while he tried to look the hero of the hour.

Festivfrenzy · 03/01/2023 20:31

I love this thread- it totally gives me the rage and the responses are brilliant. My DH did the same this year but without the context of his family memories (that I know of at least). I'm definitely labelling some as from only me next year hahahaaaaa

JazzTheDog · 03/01/2023 20:38

My dad did this once we were teenagers and there was no more Santa presents.

It was a surprise present though rather than 'special' and there was always one for mum too. We'd help him pick mums main present then he'd get a surprise.

WhichPage · 03/01/2023 21:27

It’s totally unacceptable. Shockingly thoughtless or worse!

What did he get you?

Woodenheart33 · 03/01/2023 21:30

My Dad does this, it's usually a funny gift based on an in joke, I love it!