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Original poster

Bloody partners parents

41 replies

Starfish125 · 26/12/2022 21:13

We decided to go away for Christmas early this year and spend it in a lovely cottage, me, hubby, 2 daughters, MIL, FIL and my mother (mum and dad not together). This is for a week we leave on Friday. Obviously living together for a week is out of the ordinary for all of us but my god I cannot cope with the MOANING!!! All from FIL. Kids are too loud, too hyper, drop things, lose things, he only moans at them (not shouting but moaning at them) and my poor MIL who can't do anything right, even putting a glass down is the wrong way etc. Doesn't moan at me, hubby or my mum. Think its because hubby would tell him to shut up if he did, but when it comes to the kids I think hubby thinks he's not being unreasonable having a go but it's CONSTANT! Even my mum is shocked at his attitude. Surely this is not normal??

OP posts:
UsingChangeofName · 27/12/2022 00:40

Well, it's not something I'd want to put up with, but some people do become less tolerant with age. Of course, some weren't very tolerant to begin with.

But surely you knew this before agreeing to this arrangement ?
You must have noticed it when they have spent the day with you previously ?

There's no way I'd have agreed to go away with them in the first place. But if stuck there, I would raise it with him after the dc have gone to bed, and then, if that made no difference, challenge him when he was being unfair.

Sugarfree23 · 27/12/2022 00:51

Your probably expecting too much of the kids. They've just had some of the most exciting days of the year, and a massive build up too it. And they are on holiday. They are understandably still hyper.

Get them outside for a run around in the park or take them swimming. Let them use up some energy.

XanaduKira · 27/12/2022 01:15

I'd tell him to give it a rest. If he already knows not to have a go at you as you'll not take it, he'll soon shut up if he also sees you standing up for others and not accepting his behaviour.

It's either that or putting up with him moaning for the rest of the week.

Beamur · 27/12/2022 01:17

I wouldn't put up with someone constantly criticising my kids (unless it was justified)..Do you or your DH say anything to him when he does this?

DrunkOnHim · 27/12/2022 01:20

I’d tell him to STFU moaning and to make his own way home if he doesn’t like it. Sounds like the rest of you would be ok without him.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 27/12/2022 01:26

Tell him to just go to bed if he is going to be so miserable and to stop having a go at the children. Just go off and do your own thing as he sounds like a right old misery guts, feel sorry for your mil who has to put up with this all the time. Leave him there alone and head off have a nice time out with mil and kids and your husband should have a word with him. Would never book one place to stay with any relatives, would have to have my own place. Hope rest of holiday goes better but tell him to stop moaning at his wife also. I would, not when I was younger but now I would.

Zodiacsigns · 27/12/2022 03:53

OP he's being incredibly rude, tell him to shut up. They're your DC, as long as they're not running riot and are being parented properly he needs to butt out. He's obviously used to having his own way in everything and is acting like head of the household. Well he's not head of your household, you and DP are. So unless you've got your nose buried in your phone while the DC are left to make a nuisance of themselves, why is he trying to parent your DC? Stand up for them if he's being unreasonable about noise levels (they're kids FFS!) and suggest he goes out for a walk more often if he's bothered by their totally normal behaviour.

ClaryFairchild · 27/12/2022 04:10

Tell him that he's made it so abundantly clear with his constant moaning that your DC and this whole week has been so utterly awful that you won't be repeating this holiday again. MIL and DM, however are more than welcome to join you next year/time as they have quite clearly enjoyed being around their DGC.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 27/12/2022 04:31

He sounds like a wet blanket.

fancyacuppatea · 27/12/2022 06:41

DrunkOnHim · 27/12/2022 01:20

I’d tell him to STFU moaning and to make his own way home if he doesn’t like it. Sounds like the rest of you would be ok without him.

^This.

Just intervene yourself if your DH won't.

WineDarkNo308 · 27/12/2022 06:48

Ask everyone at dinner (breakfast) for one good thing that happened today (yesterday) and start with him.

AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 07:02

What’s he actually moaning ABOUT with the kids? Why does your husband not defend them?

And why does your MiL tolerate it all? Has she ever said, ‘Don’t you dare speak to me like that, George’, or similar?

You may have to channel your inner Una Stubbs and Dandy Nichols.

2bazookas · 27/12/2022 07:10

Can't somebody say pleasantly but firmly " FIL, that's enough moaning".

MistletoeandBaileys · 27/12/2022 07:19

I feel sorry for your MIL and children. MIL has probably been putting up with his crap for decades. She could be downtrodden by the constant moaning and barrage of criticism. It can wear away at you.

I’d snap at him in relation to his attitude towards the children though. If they are generally well behaved and just making normal children’s noises and having fun he needs to fuck off.

It’s an exciting time of year for children. They are bound to be excited. And having an adult who is clearly miserable moaning at them all the time could be making them feel uneasy and anxious.

If I were you OP I’d tell him to put up or shut up. The world does not revolve around him and you can happily leave him out of Christmas next year if he finds it all such a task. Presumably he’s like this all the time so I don’t understand why he even agreed to go.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 08:03

Some people are negative to the bone. He sounds like that.

PearlclutchersInc · 27/12/2022 08:17

Sounds like he's not coping well out of his own home. Many old people don't, especially if there's no quiet area to escape to.

A week away at Christmas with an extended family sounds like a recipe for disaster and that someone isn't happy shouldn't come as entire surprise.

declutteringmymind · 27/12/2022 08:24

I'd try making light of it. 'I was wondering what time you'd start complaining.' Or 'here we go again, FIL are you ever happy?'

You wouldn't get away with it in our family, you'd get ripped to shreds with the bants.

declutteringmymind · 27/12/2022 08:32

Or when he starts, just tell tell the kids 'I think grandad needs cuddles and kisses and let them love bomb him. Every time.

Original poster
Starfish125 · 27/12/2022 08:39

Yeah I would be saying the exact same advice if it were me but it's so hard when it's your own FIL anyone else I would tell them to fuck off but I really don't want to rock the boat when it comes to my hubby's parents. Mil does bite back sometimes but it goes on deaf ears. I think hubby is so used to it, but even he said yesterday 'never again' but that's because his parents started bickering over recycling. Pathetic tbh. It's exhausting but lesson learnt, never again. He is 76 so quite old school, not that that is an excuse though. I'm gonna be more assertive today in regards to the children. Unfortunately mil needs to say something herself I don't want to get involved in that area as horrible as it is!

OP posts:
Followtheyellowsicktoad · 27/12/2022 08:40

WineDarkNo308 · 27/12/2022 06:48

Ask everyone at dinner (breakfast) for one good thing that happened today (yesterday) and start with him.

This is a good non confrontational way to begin.

FIL does warrant a direct approach but for the sake of living together for the remainder diplomacy might serve better.

Try following up from breakfast with “ shall we all try to be more positive and forgiving today? It’s exhausting being/listening to constant criticism “.

I know it’s wishy washy, but might be useful if you’re the less confrontational type.

Penguinsaregreat · 27/12/2022 09:59

It is very difficult to tell your fil to stfu, trust me I’ve been there. At 76 he is not going to change. I would take the dcs out with your mum and mil and leave fil in the cottage. Maybe mil won’t go because she will have to suffer the fall out. Just say who’s up for a walk? Then go.
Don’t go away with him again.

Penguinsaregreat · 27/12/2022 10:01

Also there are many, many abusive people (usually men) living with their wives and partners who tolerate this crap day in day out. You can’t control it. You can only minimise the contact and impact it has on your life and your dcs life.

Sceptre86 · 27/12/2022 10:13

Maybe a bit of passive aggressiveness so in a loud voice to one of your dd's, 'let's quieten down a little before grandad starts moaning again'. He'll get the message and you've made your point.

Or you could just decide to make the best of it and take the children off when he starts moaning. Then never do this again. He's unpleasant. Quite often people's tolerance for kids noise does lessen as they get older.

GettingStuffed · 27/12/2022 10:18

Tell him to leave the room if he starts moaning. I'm in a similar state as everything is too loud, too bright to bouncy. I've brought myself to bed so I'm not asking everyone to be quieter, less bouncy . My head is on day four of feeling it's about to explode messing over the house.

Is this his normal behaviour or could be be feeling ill

Brefugee · 27/12/2022 10:48

(your use of the word hubby is making my eyes itch) but i ploughed on through.

You need to nip it in the bud. You need your DH on board. Tell FIL Before you leave that he is to stop it. Every moan: "FIL stop it" every time he looks like he's about to moan give him A Look. And mean it.

And if he persists? tell him to go home if he can't handle being around children. He knew they were going to be there. He has been through childhood with his DS so he can't be surprised.