Bloody partners parents

[Starfish125]

We decided to go away for Christmas early this year and spend it in a lovely cottage, me, hubby, 2 daughters, MIL, FIL and my mother (mum and dad not together). This is for a week we leave on Friday. Obviously living together for a week is out of the ordinary for all of us but my god I cannot cope with the MOANING!!! All from FIL. Kids are too loud, too hyper, drop things, lose things, he only moans at them (not shouting but moaning at them) and my poor MIL who can't do anything right, even putting a glass down is the wrong way etc. Doesn't moan at me, hubby or my mum. Think its because hubby would tell him to shut up if he did, but when it comes to the kids I think hubby thinks he's not being unreasonable having a go but it's CONSTANT! Even my mum is shocked at his attitude. Surely this is not normal??

I just couldnt let my kids be subjected to this OP. I would say would you prefer us to go home FIL? You have done nothing but moan constantly about our children and its awful. We willl go home if it suits you as I have heard enough now, Show the miserable old fucker up OP,You have nothing to loose,Bloody hell Christmas is all about the kids, and yours shouldnt have to tolerate this crap ruining it for them poor things.

Not normal and not nice. Is FIL getting dementia? Problem solve by giving him his own space/isolation quarters. If that is impossible, mark out an extra living space - maybe in the garden - where the kids and all can relax. Have your husband speak frankly to him about him not coping and suggesting he goes to his room when all is too hard. He needs to be told by your husband that he is spoiling the happy atmosphere for everyone.

Stop moaning FIL, they're kids.

On repeat.

I’d have a nice concerned chat with him away from everyone and say that it’s obvious he’s not coping with the children so it might be an idea if either he or you all leave. He won’t want that so will probably wind his old neck in. If he can’t wind himself in then leave, it sounds like torture.

He sounds a bit like my FiL who has just had a very big chat with my husband and is now on best behaviour. I’ve been lightly tackling him for years as my husband blocked him out because he annoyed him so much, and it’s been a huge difference with my husband actually doing it. I think that’s the key if you can make your husband see it needs doing.

Also if he’s like this with grandchildren you can bet your life when he was a father to small children he was awful too!

So he’s only abusing his wife and the gc but manages to reign himself in around the other adults?

Your dc are going to feel that difference even if they can’t quite articulate it - they are less valid somehow, certainly more vulnerable to abuse.

Time to take advantage of your privileged status op and start standing up for the bully’s victims.

My dm’s partner does this constantly, particularly to my ds (who is autistic). I tell him it is not acceptable.

This. And say it’s a happy time, to keep negative thoughts to themselves

Hubby 🤮🤮🤮

That important aspect aside, just tell him every time he starts to pack it in.

Oh dear!

Honestly, I would just say ‘hold the moaning, FIL, you are becoming Grumpy Grandpa!’

Grumpy old man syndrome.

It can happen to the nicest of men. The Manopause is a thing.

Some people are just proper negative nellys. You’re not going to change him but understand it must be driving you round the bend.
DH needs to kindly tell him to put a sock in it

You have my sympathy, my dad was just like this. The only way to deal with people like him, imo, is just to tell them straight, in the moment, don't worry about offending, as any subtlety will likely be lost on them. But it really needs to be your DH that talks to him, that will cause the least amount upset I think. I'd ask your DH to have a firm word when he next moans at the kids, but yes, don't go away with them again.

Remind him of the old adage if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all.

You can all survive a week. None of you just met yesterday, and you must all have had an inkling of what the other is like. Knowing the differences in personalities and behaviors, who thought that all of you living in the same space was a good idea?
Chalk it up to a lesson learned, and going forward appreciate each other in small doses.

The talk at dinner is a good idea. How about also saying something like 'this is meant to be a relaxing break for all of us. Is there anything anyone is unhappy about?'

Strongly recommend this.

We will pack up and head home as FIL cannot cope with the children and we cannot cope with how unpleasant he is being towards them.

No way would I tolerate my children being bullied for being normal children.

Do not make similar arrangements again.

It is not fair for your children to be subjected to his poor behaviour.