Motherinlaw ruined xmas

[Sadie113]

I dont knowif im being unreasonable but few weeks ago i was called an liar about being abused in a relationship should i call it grabbing my collar and being in my face dont know if that is abuseive or not but that persons sister said i was a lier and making up lies so i cut of all contact and being abused as a child sexually and having to fight with my own demons i didnt expect to get called a liar about something that recently happened to me as an adult in a commited relationship with someonei have 2 kids with
I had told him as i was made out yo be a liar i want nothing to do with his sister or my kids will take nothing to do with it as tomorrow she could turn aroumd and say my kids are tellimg lies god forbid anything like that happens to them. My mother in law then came up 2 days before christmas and decided to allow my kids to have a conversation with the sister who accused me of being a lier and he did nothing aboit it and broke my trust and went far beyond my boundaries i feel like our christmas got ruined and i still ended up trying to makw it upto my partner by cuddling him while he had no care in tje world that if thatwas the other way about how hw would feel today were on breakimg up point and i really dont know if this is all my fault

I'm really sorry but I struggled to understand any of this. Not helped by the lack of punctuation and paragraphs.

Bumping for you in case someone else has some advice for you instead.

Take a deep breath, calm down and rewrite . Possibility repost in relationships.

Just to clarify this, is the person who grabbed you your current partner because it’s reading like that to me?

Who do you think has been abusive or assaulted you?

I'm finding it hard to decipher your point. I think If you have specifically stated you are not comfortable with someone being around your children and MIL breaks that then you should stop leaving DC with her. You need a clear headed conversation with partner as its their family. Stick to your boundaries and then maybe get counselling for your traumas.

Nope I don't understand it either

It’s not that hard to understand.
OPs has experienced past abuse which makes this current situation more difficult to deal with. Recently her current partner (father of her 2 children) grabbed her collar and was in her face. His sister said OP was lying about this so OP said she and the kids would have no contact with the sister.
OP’s MIL allowed the kids to speak to the sister of the partner. OP’s partner did not back her up.
is that right OP?

if it is then the MIL and the sister are red herrings. The real issue is your relationship with your partner. Can you tell us more about that?

@Sadie113 , I hope you don't mind but I've slightly edited your OP. Feel free to tell me if I've changed the meaning. I've done it to try and make sense of it.

I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but few weeks ago i was called a liar about being abused in a relationship.

Should I call it grabbing my collar and being in my face? Don't know if that is abusive or not but that person's sister said i was a liar and making up lies so I cut off all contact, and being abused as a child sexually and having to fight with my own demons i didn't expect to get called a liar about something that recently happened to me as an adult in a committed relationship with someone I have 2 kids with.

I had told him that, because I was made out to be a liar, I want nothing to do with his sister. I don't want my kids to have anything to do with her, as tomorrow she could turn around and say my kids are telling lies should, god forbid, anything like that happen to them.

My mother in law then came up 2 days before Christmas and decided to allow my kids to have a conversation with the sister who accused me of being a liar. He did nothing about it and broke my trust and went far beyond my boundaries.

I feel like our Christmas got ruined. I still ended up trying to make it up to my partner by cuddling him while he had no care in the world. If that was the other way about how he would feel today? We're on breaking up point and I really don't know if this is all my fault.

Sounds like you’re blaming the wrong person/people. The sister & mum sound unpleasant, but it’s your boyfriend who is abusive.

You’re not speaking to the sister who accused you of lying about the abuse but still in a relationship with the man who abused you? Your priorities need a rethink.

My take is:

You were sexually abused as a child and your partner knows this. Maybe his sister does too.

Your DP grabbed you by the collar and put his face close to yours in a threatening manner.

You told your sister your DP was abusive to you, she called you a liar.

You wanted you and your DC to go NC with your SIL, but your MIL let your SIL speak to your DC, and SIL told your DC that you tell lies. You worry that if your DC ever speak up if they are abused that they will not believed.

Your DP went along with what your SIL said as it suited him that his abusive behaviour was dismissed as lies. Your Christmas is ruined but you are cuddling and apologising to your partner to try and make it up to him.

Are you still with your partner who abused you?

Thankyou so much for editing and fixing it

He says because he didn't actually do anything but grab me by the collar its nothing wrong hitting me would have been wromg but because he didnt do that it was fine i believed it and forgave him then got called a liar for telling someone in vunerablilty as i knew if i told my parents they would have called the police i told his sister and she brought the situatiom up and said i was lying

Yeah he told me its not abuse as its just the collar he grabbed i didnt know what to think of it being so hurt and shocked at the same time so thought it was prob my fault thats me being silly thinking its abuse but when i got called a liar it was to much

its your boyfriend you need to ditch - never mind the mother and the sister, they go when he does.

nobody should put their hands on you - your collar - or anywhere else

Oh, lovely. Ditch the whole family. There is a life out there for you where you don't get physically assaulted or hurt and made to feel bad and guilty.

Your partner is abusive. You know he is, yet you are enabling him by apologising to him.

I thi k you are redirecting your anger at the wrong people.
Ditch the partner. Tell your family and friends so that they can help you leave safely.

He tells me im abusive to him and on a daily basis im made to feel lonely as it was my fault he didnt speak to me for a few days as im angry or i have forced him to not talk to me for days yet he will live in same place just not talk to me its hard to tell someone you want to end a relationship when they somehow change it around and i become the villian ive started feelimg like im tje cause of all problems

He can tell you you’re the villain all he likes! All that matters is you and your kids being in a safe place away from the abuse. Take a deep breath. Then get in touch with women’s aid and start making plans to leave him. They can also help signpost you to counselling and offer support to your children.

Love it’s definitely abuse. He’s emotionally abusive and now he’s started being physical. It will keep escalating. I have heard people recommend the freedom programme as a good way to break cycles of abuse but this is not a relationship that is good for you.

Can you tell your family? It sounds like they would have your back.

If you want to end the relationship, it doesn't matter what the other person makes you out to be. All that matters is getting away from them.

You know the truth of your behaviour. He is the liar.

Do you want to leave? Do you have the means to leave?

Google DARVO
DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender

www.nhs.uk/live-well/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/
“Emotional abuse

Does your partner or someone you live with ever:

belittle you, or put you down?
blame you for the abuse or arguments?
deny that abuse is happening, or downplay it?
isolate you from your family and friends?
stop you going to college or work?
make unreasonable demands for your attention?
accuse you of flirting or having affairs?
tell you what to wear, who to see, where to go, and what to think?
control your money, or not give you enough to buy food or other essential things?
monitor your social media profiles, share photos or videos of you without your consent or use GPS locators to know where you are?”

Please take your children away from this situation. You deserve better

So you're upset that your kids spent time with your SIL because you feel affronted that she called you a liar, but you're OK with them living with your partner who was the one who actually physically abused you?

I think you need to reassess who you are angry with and why.