I hate it I hate it this is not fun!

[FatherTedUncious]

I am far from a control freak, Mrs Hinch style perfectionist, but this 'holiday' just feels so tireless, stressful, expensive and relentless. I know it's on the same day every year but I am never prepared. There's never free time to prepare. I work full time, I never have time away from my children in order to shop, my DH works in retail so works until 9/10 every night for weeks at a time prior to Christmas. His last day off was three weeks ago.
That leaves everything down to me. I buy all the presents. I loathe wrapping so I put it off until the last minute. Then today I did half and I've come back and it's all wet?! Either a drink spilled on it or the cat weed on it? Now I have to redo it and I could cry.
People talk about having a nice Christmas Eve and traditions but I finished work at 6pm yesterday and today has been completely dominated by cleaning the house for guests, doing a food shop (Lidl for budget reasons and so can't order in advance plus hate substitutions) then getting all the family presents to them. Came home and whilst the rest of the family sat and watched a lovely film, I'm locked away like a recluse- wrapping! Now that I have to redo so much, I'm going to be up until gone 1am as always.
I can't remember enjoying a Christmas in ten years. I would love to find time to feel festive, sit and watch all of the Christmas telly but it just feels like extra work, cooking, cleaning, tidying, decluttering to make way for the new stuff. My DH will help tomorrow but it's usually mostly done by then.
Could quite happily do away with the whole thing.

That sounds really hard, OP, I think Christmas is a struggle if you don’t have plenty of time and money. How awful about the wet wrapping - I would have cried!

Yup, it’s shit. I hated the whole thing running around for weeks whilst working full time and it’s put me off for life.

Now I am on my own and my DH and DPs are no longer here I am not doing Christmas anymore. Spending the day on my own, no decorations and I have managed to stop everyone except my DSis from buying me more crap I don’t need.

Of course you're stressed - you are doing all the work alone that most family's share between two parents. I think your dh needs to seriously step up!

It’s so full on. I was thinking earlier I actually quite like between Christmas and New Year. That’s when I get to watch Tv and not do much. Hope you have some time then.

I think the money or time thing is key. You have to have one or the other. I don't have time to do things in advance and most of the time I don't have money. So I buy the majority of my kids presents using my late December pay check. So I can't wrap until then because I haven't bought them yet!

I feel your pain. I’m a lone parent to 3 (23/20/9) but only the younger two live at home. The eldest and youngest have ASD and the eldest came home tonight (lives in supported living), obviously unwell with a virus/?covid, coughing everywhere. Hadn’t been informed he was unwell and he’s now gone off to his dads (I’m type 1 diabetic and only just getting over some awful viral thing from a couple of weeks ago). I find this time of year horribly lonely (don’t really have a good relationship with my family), was meant to go to my best friends on Boxing Day but because of the train strike I can’t get there. I really want to have a fun Christmas surrounded by friends/family but it’s just so lonely. I’ll likely have a good cry later. Hope it’s gets better for you op x
apologues for the pity post, I’ve worked four night shifts this week so I’m a bit tired and emotional x

I am with you OP

Last year we travelled to relatives and the journey in both directions was vile and exhausting and the hire car cost a bomb.

This year we are hosting 16 relatives over 3 days and I have worked incredibly hard to prep and sort and it's cost a bomb.

The workload is just unreal and Christmas Day hasn't even begun

Yep. The only way I've copied in recent years is to scale back. Sending cards and buying presents for dh's side of the family is his job. I don't think anyone has anything this year, which I do feel bad about but tough.

I made some fabric gift bags this year which I shall be using every year forthwith, so I never need to wrap another prese again.

There will be no elaborate meals other than tomorrow when I shall make enough to eat on Boxing Day as well.

Merry Christmas all!

@Senmum2013 that sounds incredibly difficult and you are more than welcome to moan away. There's so many bugs around too!
I think it can be isolating being alone and being in a room full of people. I will be in a house full of people tomorrow but will be stressing about food, children, whether everyone is enjoying themselves enough, my stepdad being included, my neighbours thinking we're making too much noise, the kids being ungrateful. No one else really shoulders this burden.
Maybe it will be nice to get back to work on Wednesday!

Aw, @FatherTedUncious that sounds hard and pretty gruelling :( I can completely see how it feels like a relentless grind.

In future I agree that your partner needs to pull their bloody finger out and do half the load (not "help", because it's not your job to organise the house/ help right?)

WRT your son, I guess there isn't much you can actually do except save a plate for him. X

@Goawayangryman he is pretty crap tbh, he works in a city centre so picking things up on his lunch break is entirely possible. I work in the middle of nowhere and so it's less possible for me. Despite this he never picks anything up or tries to reduce my burden. I get that he works hard in December but his work ends closing time of Christmas Eve, whilst my work towards the 'goal' of Christmas never ends!

Women normally not usually but majority of the time get lumped with the shit end of the stick whether u work or don't work, it's hell. The list making the buying the shopping the wrapping. Trying to stretch a tight budget if u haven't got a lot of money. Prepping the house rushing around more wrapping cooking. For what ? ONE DAY. I've been so sick and stressed over Xmas it's made me unwell.
I wonder what it would look like if I left it to DP 🤣
But I'm with u. The only thing I like is seeing my close family for lunch on Xmas day other than that I wouldn't even put up a tree if I didn't have kids. People around me are telling me to cheer up it's Xmas ... so ?
Fuck off.. I want to say. But I'm happy to say this time tomorrow all over 🥳 and call me bah humbug tree comes down Boxing Day!!

Christmas is a massive con, I refuse to have anything to do with it and if I did it would be as simplified as humanely possible.

Stop wrapping!!!!!
We wrap some presents from us but Santa's are not wrapped as we ask him not to, so we can distinguish between our gifts and his!!
It's like ironing, I've wasted enough time doing it. And it make Christmas a little less stressful.
The shopping is tough I agree and I like to pick my own stuff so don't do online either. I promise it gets easier as the kids get older and they can help!

The trick about Christmas is to plan it on Boxing Day and get the basics you need for next year in the sales. Kids get 1 gift from santa and the rest are gifts from family and friends. They get about 10 gifts each which is plenty and they get their stocking (which I go nuts with so it keeps them busy for 2hrs while I sleep. They get 8 small gifts each for Hanukkah which is an extension of their stocking.

We do Hanukkah, Christmas Eve (Danish) and Christmas Day. This year is particularly tough because we were supposed to be at my sisters with my mother. Ex husband has full equal contact to the children and withdrew consent for the children to travel when our flight was delayed by 2 days. He had invited himself along to my sisters so it was the excuse he was looking for to cancel the trip. In January I will go back again with a detailed shared custody agreement. He wants 50/50, I welcome it because right now I don’t get a break.

Last year was an awful time because I came home with Covid and everyone got sick. This year it was a mad dash to buy gifts because I had everything delivered to my sisters house and she couldn’t get to the post office fast enough to get them to me.

It’s really easy to overspend so I keep a strict budget. Once the money is spent it’s gone.

Sorry you feel like this OP but all i see is solutions. As a lone parent to a 2 year old, 0 childcare and a co sleeper, I have to make it work.

Click and collect from aldi. Saves trawling round the supermarket buying anything unnessecary, easier to stick to budget and saves soooo much time
Can be ordered whilst children are in bed.

Start buying stocking fillers/presents in the January sales. I got some lovely craft things in tesco for 25p. Make your own wreath, paperchain kit and felt and button xmas tree

Have you got a family member that likes wrapping? Ask them to help. I LOVE wrapping so would help you in an instant

Dont host everyyear if possible. Get someone else to share the burden.
You deserve to put ypur feet up like everyone else x

I always aim to have everything done before December 1st. The stress it releases is incredible and lets me enjoy the festive season. There maybe 1 or 2 things that need buying but i enjoy going into shops as its not a panic.

Im not saying any of this to annoy you, you have my full sympathy as ive been there, but never again.

I think the 2 things which will help you the most, is to not host and to buy gift bags from cheap places such as card factory or Poundland. These can often be reused, so you wouldn't need to buy them every year.
There's nothing bad about telling people you are knackered and not up to hosting - it's your Christmas too and you are entitled to enjoy it!

A bigger issue is lack of help from your husband. Yes, he has a full on job but he's a parent too and he shouldn't just be allowed to opt out of preparing Christmas for his children. After Christmas when everything is less fraught, you need to have a proper conversation with him about this.
Don't let him sit on his arse tomorrow - give him his share of the work.

This sounds really stressful and I can totally see and understand why you feelthe way you do. I honestly think your husband needs to step up more and help. I'm a single parent, albeit to only 1 dd and I find christmas quite stressful. I have 8 other people who like to come to me for dinner and it's just to stressful. The planning, the buying and the organising. The best way forward is after its all over sit down and think, or write down, what needs to change in order for you to enjoy it more.. I think that would be a good starting point along with getting your husband to step up. I think I'm going to sit down in January and write up a plan for making next Christmas more enjoyable amd less stressful.

It sounds like you are packing a lot into the week before Christmas! And well done for keeping going. You probably don't want to hear solutions - I get that, and people have different priorities and well you know you need to start earlier! You don't need it spelled out!

I am going to be annoying though... when my DC were young I bought and wrapped the majority of presents in October, did the decorations in November (put up the last day of November - I know it's early but it was a big job I wanted over with! I spent the earlier part of the month doing a deep clean ready for them/buying anything I need). Decorations include getting in any clothing we needed as well - decorating ourselves!

And December was about planning the food... Christmas Day, Christmas Eve... all the things that happen in December when you have kids! It wasn't really stressful and I was always on a tight budget so did what I could to save where I could.

I hope you manage to have a lovely day tomorrow and reap some rewards for all your hard work!

My suggestions are
Save some money every month from January so you aren't shopping last minute. Everything is more expensive in December.
Make it a goal to be done buying by end of November.
Online shopping makes it really easy to get gifts. I work too but I've bought gifts from amazon no problem.
Gift bags then save and reuse next year. An environmentally friendly solution and makes wrapping easier. Get the cheap bags from card factory. Pick up some on offer in January.

Do what I do. Force yourself to wrap late at night after the dc are asleep. Get it out the way before eve of Christmas eve. Avoid still wrapping Christmas eve.

Tell yourself you are going to enjoy Christmas eve next year and plan so you can do that.

Give yourself permission to buy less.

Foodwise you could easily get everything on a big shop in the days before Christmas. Go early. It's a pain in the arse and tiring but when you are done on the food shop by 8am you will be smug as anything. Or a late night shop also possible. Lidl is great this year. I've bought a big ham and a rack of lamb even though I'm away. Froze them. Too good value not to.

Maybe get organised enough to get the store cupboard essentials cranberry stuffing chestnuts Christmas pud in early December.

Sounds like you get no help. Rope the kids in wrapping and decorating the house.

Sympathy.

Next year could you take some annual leave week or two before Christmas and do some prep then??

Don't host, you don't have time. Don't go overboard with the meal, standard roast, bought dessert.

Look for wrapping paper in the sales.

Save throughout the year to pay for Christmas.

Don't do anything for DH family, if he doesn't buy them anything they don't get anything.

Don't go overboard with DC presents.

Op I was thinking about all the extra work that Christmas brings, the decorating, thinking up gift ideas, wandering the shops looking for bits, ordering, collecting, buying paper, wrapping, then the food which is actually quite easy.

Then it dawned New Year is effectively Christmas without half the fuss.

Make Xmas day frozen pizza a thing

I hear you... I am a last minute tiny budget person too. I have tried to de stress it this year
This year we bought the crackers, decorations, tree and cards when they were reduced after last Christmas.
I don't go with a traditional turkey/ ham dinner. This year we are having duck that were bought in October when they were on special.
Presents were by the power of the internet.
To reduce the stress I have decided that we are going to have stretched out dinner. Bacon sarnies for breakfast, salmon for late lunch, duck for tea, Yule log for piggery on the sofa. All interspaced with a head clearing run (now), bath while I wait for them to get up, a walk and Christmas films. Anybody not on board with this will have volunteered themselves to host next year.