I hate it I hate it this is not fun!

[FatherTedUncious]

I am far from a control freak, Mrs Hinch style perfectionist, but this 'holiday' just feels so tireless, stressful, expensive and relentless. I know it's on the same day every year but I am never prepared. There's never free time to prepare. I work full time, I never have time away from my children in order to shop, my DH works in retail so works until 9/10 every night for weeks at a time prior to Christmas. His last day off was three weeks ago.
That leaves everything down to me. I buy all the presents. I loathe wrapping so I put it off until the last minute. Then today I did half and I've come back and it's all wet?! Either a drink spilled on it or the cat weed on it? Now I have to redo it and I could cry.
People talk about having a nice Christmas Eve and traditions but I finished work at 6pm yesterday and today has been completely dominated by cleaning the house for guests, doing a food shop (Lidl for budget reasons and so can't order in advance plus hate substitutions) then getting all the family presents to them. Came home and whilst the rest of the family sat and watched a lovely film, I'm locked away like a recluse- wrapping! Now that I have to redo so much, I'm going to be up until gone 1am as always.
I can't remember enjoying a Christmas in ten years. I would love to find time to feel festive, sit and watch all of the Christmas telly but it just feels like extra work, cooking, cleaning, tidying, decluttering to make way for the new stuff. My DH will help tomorrow but it's usually mostly done by then.
Could quite happily do away with the whole thing.

Can you reduce your hours or take a couple of days of before xmas?
keeping it simple is key, no guests, say your having a quiet xmas, happy to meet up for a drink between Xmas and New Year, that's it.
Try and buy one gift a month.
Next year prioritise yourself and simplfy it as much as possible.

Do you get anything at all (pleasure-wise) or is it just a misery and nothing else? I just think that a couple with kids and both parents working fulltime is just not a suitable situation for hosting. Maybe it's time (after this time is over) to send out messages to the relatives saying that due to work and family pressures, you are no longer able to host from 2023 onwards, and suggest some alternatives; everyone has their own Christmas (or another family member hosts those who do not want to spend Christmas alone), and everyone gets together at some point in the days before or after Christmas for a pub lunch or something.

It sounds like it's time to cut down on the present buying, and get some strong reusable paper bags to put stuff in instead of wrapping. If you are having to declutter in order to fit stuff in, that's a signal that too much is being bought.

As others have said, just do a standard roast and buy some chocolates, cake and wine to go with it.

Your DH needs a boot in the bum. Tell him and the kid do the tree and any decorations they want. If they don't do it, it doesn't get done. Don't get presents or cards for his side of the family; tell him it's his damn job. For your family, approach people about no-gift pacts, or just send gift card through the mail--job done.

Yes the realisation and reality that the magic only happens for everyone else when you shoulder all the work is pretty crap tbh so I fully sympathise op.

My only suggestion is to get involved in the TOMM (the Organised Mum Method) lead up to Christmas which starts in October I think and that makes you follow all the prep (including wrapping) so that you are done by 1st December and can focus on other stuff during that month.

Otherwise, agree with everyone else, scale back and prioritise your own pleasure sometimes. It took me years to realise that no one will do this for you so you have to do it for yourself.

I also think your DH needs to step up. I work in retail so know how relentless it can be, but there is definitely time in the days leading up to Christmas that he could have popped out to collect things. He could have wrapped some gifts during his lunch or in the evenings when he got home.

One of the ways I cope with it all is doing a lot of shopping earlier. I know I can shop and prep much during December so all stocking fillers and relative presents are done before December, leaving just DD's until later in case she changes her mind!

Sending Christmas strength to you!

Much sympathy. I had a similar moment some years ago and made some changes which have really helped:

• we use pillowcases and ribbon for wrapping presents opened here (reusable quick)
• santa wraps in packing paper / nothing (no sellotape)
• don’t host on Xmas day (tell people: just us, quiet family day, come on Boxing Day - this is a big one); also don’t invite people to stay
• we host Boxing Day with a buffet table and ask people to bring stuff- people normally have leftovers and happy to share
• leave the house dirty. I clean bathrooms and did manage to vac dining room but people coming to me can fuck off if they judge the state of my house
• pizza for dinner Christmas Day (not bothered about turkey here: not enough for the price difference anyway); another buddy does chilli in slow cooker. Traditional Christmas dinner can fuck off.
• DH sorts everything for his family

hand hold for today x

We've had plumbers and electricians making a mess of the house up until Thursday this week so keeping on top of the mess and getting access to the kitchen has been a nightmare. I've given myself permission to scale back on the baking and cleaning due to this.

The game changer for me the last few years has been taking a few days leave at the end of Nov while the DC are in school to do 90% of the Xmas shopping, declutter ready for new toys and get the extra store cupboard stuff in. My shopping needs the last few weeks have been minimal and I've been able to spend weekends with the DC.

Your OP doesn't match your title. You say you hate it with a passion, in the title. Then in the OP you say you've toned it down and all is ok.

I just don't get the Christmas angst. Why do people make such a drama out of it. I get the decs down from the loft. We have a family Christmas party the week before. We order a few presents online. Well Dh does actually. Wrap them. Get some food. Come on, it's just a posh roast. I can't even think of anything I want. If I wanted something I would've bought it already! I bought Dh some new Pringle socks! Ds2 bought be a cheap £3.50 bunch of flowers from sainsbury. I was thrilled. Pleasant day. Nothing special. On Boxing Day we are going out to lunch with my mum.

Where's the fucking angst? I just don't get it. People make it more complicated than it needs to be. Like it's competitive stress. Stupid.

What's with all the cleaning? And baking? Why? You don't need to. I did a quick hoover yesterday. That's all you need. A quick tidy up. Anything more is just overkill.

we host Boxing Day with a buffet table and ask people to bring stuff- people normally have leftovers and happy to share

That is a great idea! I’d like to do that next year with friends because I feel so many of us are in the same boat as we’re describing.
Personally I dream of us all having enough money to have Christmas Day in a hotel. Imagine that!

Apart from that my solutions are just to say your issues out loud to someone so you feel less lonely and tired with it OP: if your DH is reverting to being a child at Christmas and expecting you to be everyone’s mum then tell him. Or if he is busy at work and then thinks Christmas is for him to have a rest, tell him.
Tell the kids you need a break but that you’ll be back to do whatever it is they are wanting to do in a bit and then just have a break for as long as you can manage. let your DH be the entertainer. Do the same for him but only if he is actually sharing the load.

I agree with @EricNorthmanYesPlease

OP, I can understand it's difficult for you this year, but if you keep doing what you've always done, then you will keep getting the same results

There are plenty of ways to make it easier for yourself eg buy gifts online, buy gifts all year round, use gift bags instead of wrapping them in paper, buy food online, buy Christmas food in advance (dried goods and drinks at least, if you don't have a freezer), share the load with your partner etc

Personally I enjoy baking, I don't want to eat shite supermarket mince pies and the DC enjoy baking with me. We made gingerbread and iced them together this year. For me the best bit about Christmas is doing things you love with people you love.

As I said, I've had to scale back this year due to having emergency work done in my kitchen. Of course if you find baking to be a chore then don't do it. Easy. Same with wrapping, shopping etc. I hate excessive drinking so I don't go on any work outings any more and I don't feel guilty about it.

Brilliant 2 posts. Follow these guidelines, OP

I say every year I'm going to be more organised next year...I also find myself doing a crazy de-clutter. And manic aim to clean every nook and cranny every December. Well this year I haven't!

I'm thinking 2023, if I declutter a room a month, it will make next Autumn much easier to deal with. And do the Christmas decorating end of November.

Did you read what hours the DH is doing?

Change what you do.
My parents have a pop up christmas tree and it takes 30 seconds to put up fully decorated.
In my house we don't have any decorations up this year as our rescue cat eats them we've just got Christmas light strung up on our bookcase. It was DDs idea as a bookcase is an old tree anyway.
Dinner is just a normal roast but with crackers.
Presents go in fabric bags requiring no wrapping which is better for the environment anyway.
We play board games after dinner.
Chocolates and sweets in Christmas crockery.
Boxing day is a picky dinner and then we pretty much live on left overs for the rest of the week.

It's still Christmas, it's still spending time together but it's far less stressful.

My mum also works retail and didn't finish until midnight sometimes we move Christmas day and have it on the 26th or 27th partly for DD who might be at her dad's but partly so that she can rest and enjoy the day. You don't have to celebrate on the 25th if it doesn't work for you.

We are the same. Work full time, no time to shop. It's crap with other people do have time. People are so competitive, pushy and expect everyone to be happy at christmas.

I love my life and I'm very grateful for everything, daily. We don't need anymore.

Christmas has made our kids sick this past week. They are overstimulated, anxious and burnt out.

I don't like it.

Hosting is obviously massively stressful, but guests need to take responsibility for their own enjoyment of the day too.

Anyone who expects to be waited on perhaps needs a friendly but firm ‘no really, make yourself at home’ chat - they can get their own drinks, etc.

I’m much more relaxed since I stopped giving so much energy to how clean or tidy my house is. Nobody notices the things I have or haven’t done. I used to think I’d have a sense of being more able to relax if I had eg no laundry hanging anywhere, freshly made beds throughout, but actually it doesn’t make any difference, no one else cares.

I hope everyone can find a bit of calm today and enjoy it as much as possible, it’s your Christmas too 🥂

Oh and no comparisons!!

I’m writing from my phone in bed. DSD is downstairs with DP and my (older) kids are hanging out together. Everyone gets on, mostly - but it’s not a John Lewis advert.

My thoughts are with you. When.this madness is over it might be a good idea to sit down.wirh your husband and decide what you really want out of Christmas. It might be a rest,a completely non traditional few days off. Once you gave decided this the kids can be told. I'm not sure of their ages. If presents are still on the list of things to do try and divvy the wrapping or as someone said buy gift bags,tissue paper too.perhaos everyone would prefer a buffet,? Divide tasks. A takeaway? Get the stuff delivered the night before? Cook a meal in the slo cooker. U can eat wat u like. A few treats,chicks booze ,kids favourite soft drink Asda treat is easy enuf. U could sit and plan the food together. As for hosting,u have done your bit. It must stop. If the family object,tough. It's not fair. A few years ago I hosted Christmas
There were onli four of us but I live alone and would nit usually go to the effort I made. Major expense time lost I'll never get back for a complete pee take. They are, didn't stay for our traditional prize bingo and left me with all the clear up. Loads of waste too. It could have been.lovely. I felt very resentful as no doubt u do. Look after yourself.

Definitely start putting some money away from next week for kids presents/food, get most of it done in sept/Oct. Even if its 5 or 10 a week you will get a big chunk of it done. Wrap the presents as you get them and make a list on your phone of what you have.
Sauces, crackers, sweets crisps and drinks can be bought in November shopping they all have good dates. Realistically then Christmas week all you have to do is buy the meat and fresh veg, milk and bread. Shops are open again after the 25th.
Your husband has days off so he can pick things up or help wrap too, especially in November when he isn't as busy. He also can look after his side of the family present wise and he can help host. He could even take the kids off somewhere for the day in November if it was preferable and you can crack on.
Get him to put drinks and food out on the table and tell the guests to help themselves. I presume they are all family anyway.
Anyway I'm sure you just wanted to vent.

For a number of items this year I just kept them in their box/ bag and tied a gold bow around them. Much quicker, easier and better for the environment. Most people don’t care about the wrapping paper anyway. I hope this is helpful.

I hear you. I have never really enjoyed Christmas Day due to tiredness. On my own. Up to 2 am this morning as son couldn't sleep and had to do 'stockings'. I've had four hours sleep and I feel sick with tiredness. Now I have to cook a dinner just for us thank God, wash dishes, tidy all day, deal with head melting tech and assembly instructions for stuff which I am no good at anyway. I could see Christmas Day far enough. I hate it. I really hope it wasn't cat pee on your presents OP. Who are your guests? Sounds like you have enough on your plate.

My DH is cooking so I don't have to worry about it that which is massive.
But otherwise - I have decided not to tidy. Nobody else cares what the house looks like. I am leaving things like dirty breakfast dishes on the table while I have a shower. I hoped the guests would load the dishwasher, they didn't but I did it after my relaxed shower and cup of tea.
We both organised the guest room for my FiL.
I didn't organize the second guest room for my BIL. Neither did DH but it's his brother so I don't care. I didn't clean the guest bathroom as dh uses it and I never do. I told him I wouldn't be cleaning it, and I didn't. So his brother and father are using the bathroom that hasn't been cleaned. Oh well. I didn't leave out towels or restock toilet paper. Oh well, they had to ask but it took the mental load off me.

I sound unhospitable (?) but tbh I'm having a more relaxed day. If it was my family staying I would have had the rooms ready but they would also help with cleaning, dish washer etc so 🤷🏻‍♀️

Every year the pressure is the same, to create a mythical day that is full of warmth and happiness. The reality for so many is it's hard for lots of reason. I wish that people would let go of these grand expectations and take some time to reflect on previous years and then change what needs to be changed.

I always wanted the prefect Christmas from my childhood yet no matter how much I tried and being a perfectionist I tried hard! Christmas has never had that magical feel. Last year was the very last time I tried to make the 'perfect' Christmas. This year there's no turkey, no fuss and we are all the better for it. It's relaxed in our house today, there's a calm and a sense of peace I spent years trying to create.

I hope you are able to relax today op, today is also about you and what you want. Wishing you a peaceful rest of your day. 💐