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Original poster

The whole family for Christmas now mil wants Christmas eve

28 replies

SpaceOP · 20/12/2022 08:16

Hahaha. Don't worry, don't really need advice as I am NOT doing this but we are hosting dh's entire family for Christmas. For various reasons, we have spent every Christmas with them for the last few years, except Covid. It's fine.

But now MiL has pulled out the "well, traditionally, Christmas eve is when we all get together so you should all come over here on Christmas eve too" +

We are also doing a day with additional, extended in laws next week.

Obviously I have no intention of going over. I might happily send dh and dc so I can finish all the pre work at home- but only if dh has completed all the furniture moving and tidying he is responsible for first.

But what is she thinking?!

  • this Christmas eve theory has been floating around since I met dh. Its total bollocks. In the beginning, I thought it was great as we could do Christmas eve with his family and Christmas with mine. But I quickly wised up when I discovered that a) I was the ONLY one making any Christmas eve effort and b) that they still all then came along to my family's Christmas.
OP posts:
NoNamesLeft234678 · 20/12/2022 08:22

Both of our parents are getting a couple of hours on Christmas morning this year then we're going back home as I don't want to be out all day and want it to be just us (me, dp and ds) for most of the day 🤷‍♀️

Lulualoo · 20/12/2022 08:26

It seems like they just want to make the most of the Christmas excitement. But you sound like you don’t enjoy their company.

I’m not sure you’ve got a valid complaint here tbh. Just don’t go (as you say you’re not).

JustAJokeLikeOnTopGear · 20/12/2022 08:27

I don’t understand what’s wrong with spending Christmas Eve together as well, it sounds nice.

MyBooksAndMyCats · 20/12/2022 08:28

Tell him now so he has a whole year that next year you're spending it with your own family and them alone and in laws need to make other arrangements.

tulips27 · 20/12/2022 08:38

When are you seeing your parents in all this? Are they being pushed out/neglected?

tulips27 · 20/12/2022 08:38

*Meant to bold "your", sorry.

Original poster
SpaceOP · 20/12/2022 08:48

MyBooksAndMyCats · 20/12/2022 08:28

Tell him now so he has a whole year that next year you're spending it with your own family and them alone and in laws need to make other arrangements.

I have. But not sure he's heard me! Would be very happy to do.a Christmas eve thing with them nect year, obviously.

OP posts:
CakeCrumbs44 · 20/12/2022 08:48

This wouldn't bother me, if I didn't have other plans on the day then I would go. But if you don't get on with your in laws then just don't go. I don't think they're unreasonable to suggest it though.

Original poster
SpaceOP · 20/12/2022 08:52

@tuliptulips27 my parents aren't around. We are seeing my family informally this week (while Dh is working though) and we have a belated Christmas meal with them next week. Unfortunately, it's the day after the extended in law thing with DHs family. Dh is great but I know he's going to start getting stroppy about things and as my family is the last event, there might be a small argument. But I am pre-empting it.

To the poster who said I don't like them. That's not true. But I am a bit tired of them dictating our Christmas plans. Also, there are a LOT of them so doing Christmas eve and Christmas day would be exhausting. There are also some issues with BIL and, to a lesser extent, nephew, which are fine but neither dh and I would cope with seeing them TOO much.

OP posts:
Favouritefruits · 20/12/2022 08:53

Why not all meet up in the pub fir a quick drink on Christmas Eve? Might be nice and it’ll keep the peace.

MiddleParking · 20/12/2022 08:54

We are seeing my family informally this week (while Dh is working though) and we have a belated Christmas meal with them next week. Unfortunately, it's the day after the extended in law thing with DHs family. Dh is great but I know he's going to start getting stroppy about things and as my family is the last event, there might be a small argument. But I am pre-empting it.

Eh? What does this mean?

Crazyinlove123 · 20/12/2022 08:58

I agree OP, why because it’s Christmas do other people dictate your whole Christmas plans. If you are doing Christmas day why would you want to spend Christmas eve with the same people as well. I couldn’t be coping with it.

Inkpotlover · 20/12/2022 09:00

So you never get to spend Christmas Day with your parents because you have to host his entire family? Sod that. Tell him next year you'll do Xmas Eve with his family but Boxing Day is yours only. If he kicks up a fuss, say fine, you do Xmas Day at our house with them but you'll be elsewhere celebrating with your family.

Inkpotlover · 20/12/2022 09:01

Argh, not Boxing Day!! I meant Christmas Day will be your family only.

Inkpotlover · 20/12/2022 09:02

FFS, I've typed the whole thing incorrectly! I meant to say:

Tell him next year you'll do Xmas Eve with his family but Christmas Day is yours only. If he kicks up a fuss, say fine, he can do Xmas Day at our house with them but you'll be elsewhere celebrating with your family.

Ellie1015 · 20/12/2022 09:07

If the rest of them want to get together on Christmas eve then that's nice. It would be rude not to invite/include you but they can't expect you to be available or want to do two busy days.

I8toys · 20/12/2022 09:57

Since Covid we've sort of fell into a different routine. 23rd meal out with In Laws, 24th meal out with my family and then we do what we want the rest of the time as the kids are older teenagers now. We will see them sporadically throughout the holidays as and when with no fixed times after this. I love it like this I'm not going to lie.

Tempyname · 20/12/2022 10:25

She perhaps really enjoys and looks forward all year to hosting her family and wants to maintain tradition … I’d try to make it work, you don’t need to go for long.

DontFeatureMeOnSocialMedia · 20/12/2022 11:37

Do what I did:

Move 400 miles away from in laws and 200 miles from own family.

Get a job that requires working over the Christmas period.

"Sorry, I'm working Christmas Eve / Day / Boxing Day again this year and can't travel. Such a shame I know."

Andsoforth · 20/12/2022 11:52

Christmas with my in-laws lasts from morning of Christmas Eve until mid morning of the 27th on their years. (I find it completely overwhelming but hey ho)

What is maddening is that on the years we host my dps, mil insists on dh bringing the dc over on Christmas Eve (because they won’t see them on Christmas Day), dropping in on Christmas Morning, ringing 17 times at least, and nagging dh to come see them on Boxing Day because they’ve missed us so much.

PingPongMerrilyWithPie · 20/12/2022 12:06

Christmas Eve is my favourite day for hosting.

If you don't want to accept the invitation then fine, but I don't see what's so weird about someone inviting you.

HyggeandTea · 20/12/2022 14:11

I like people. I like having them round, I like seeing them, I like the chaos and spontaneity and happiness of Christmas. All or any are welcome, there are no rules and it is fine if visits happen on other days. It is everyone's Christmas, not just mine.
No one expects me to have a 'Country Living' standard home or 'Michelin style' food.
I'd go, I'd drink prosecco and chill the heck out.

Original poster
SpaceOP · 20/12/2022 14:58

For those who get it, thanks. For those who don't, it's fine. It's certainly not a big deal. For me, the thought of two big events, the day after each other, with the exact same 14 people is hell for me. I have no issue with the invite. But I won't be going for another big event, with copious food and drink, when I am prepping for a huge Christmas dinner the next day.

I do feel a little resentful, I admit, that this idea that "in our family we celebrate Christmas eve" bollocks is being rolled out again. If that was the case, why aren't we having the big Christmas Dinner at my house on Christmas eve, leaving me and dh and dc free to go to my family on Christmas day? Amd ditto, why didnt that come.up as option last year either? (And believe me, it wasn't an option this year. The decision to do Christmas at ours was fraught to start with! [Grin])

OP posts:
Iamnotalemming · 20/12/2022 15:15

I get it OP. I like hosting but with that number of people it's a lot of work and I would prefer to spend the day before calming prepping so that I can "enjoy" Christmas day, not spend it up at the crack of dawn peeling spuds. Your plan sounds fine to me. Have a sherry and keep smiling.

Hellno44 · 20/12/2022 15:19

Send DH and the kids and chill. Alternatively, you could get chicken pox/ coving or another illness and stay home. We currently have both (yes really) and are staying home all Christmas.

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