Christmas with teenagers, how you are preparing for it? What are you doing? Has the dread kicked in yet?

[Twobigsapphires]

3 teens here, 15-19. Feelings of dread are kicking in on what the day/week/fortnight will look like. Anyone else?

🤣

Night, johnboy!

Right, so my post wasn’t directed at you then was it?!

I can totally see what you are saying OP - all the 'happy family posts' without any sign of any understanding are just weird.

I disagree with most of this.

There must never be an expectation of gifts. I think that's a horrible message.

I'd gladly be involved or at least knowledgeable about my kids' "dramas" or friendship issues - keep the door of communication open, make sure my children know they can always confide in me and I'll listen.

My kids are a little younger so not at this stage yet, but if I can help them with lifts, especially in the freezing cold winter, I will. I'd rather they were safe.

No to being forced to walk the mutt. I'd despise being forced to do so. Not my pet, not my responsibility. It doesn't take more than one person to take a dog for a walk.

Let the kid relax. They are growing and it's exhausting. Hormones, exam stress. I'd be making their life easier where possible.

@Zippedydoo123 good for you and all the other quite frankly weird posters. The OP clearly posted for solidarity or some understanding, instead she's got post after post of people saying ' my teenager is so perfect and he loves long walks/ spending 100 quid on me / playing games for hours on end'

How is this at all helpful?

My own are fine. But I'd not be so insensitive as to come on a post clearly asking for some help or sympathy and start telling the op - with a shrug- how good they are.

Bizarre

@DelilahBucket how did all that help the OP?

Honestly, these idiots need calling out

I find it really odd that unless you are saying how awful teens are then you are living some sugar coated life and not being true to the sisterhood.

My teens are lovely, and I do think it is useful for parents whose children are not yet teens to know that not all teens are awful. That is what I had expected when mine were small and I was dreading the teen years, turns out they are fine afterall!

@FunnysInLaJardin why not read the opening post again...

The point is that the OP clearly wanted some support and all you did was to stamp all over her by basically saying "my teens are just so perfect! Look what a wonderful parent I am to have raised such wonderful people..."

Teenage grandchildren coming for Christmas. I love it. My only concern is will my fridge hold enough food to fill their hollow legs 😆

I get you OP. Sometimes you can feel like a supporting actor in a minor role to your teens lives. Any chance you and DH might get away for a night and leave them to it so you have a break from them?

I can identify with this, especially the 'supporting actor' bit. Ds21 home from uni but has p/t job - long days and manual work - so his excuse for not helping is that he's too tired and has been at work all day. Dh and I both wfh full-time so literally leave our desks at 6 to start a meal or do more Christmas prep (I hate cooking). Dd18 on holiday from college has p/t job so picking up a few extra shifts but otherwise barely emerges from her room and pretty moody at the best of times.

Really not in the Christmas mood at all this year - find it too stressful trying to accommodate everyone's needs and keep everyone happy. Dc don't want to do anything with us so have long given up on suggesting any festive activities. Dh not really into them either anyway - I went on my own to a carol service last night.

Hosting family on Christmas and Boxing Day, have house guest staying, dh on call over Christmas weekend and I'm working between Christmas and NY. Could do without it all this year.

I'm not at this stage yet, so can't give advice on all the comings and goings, juggling everyone's needs etc.
Do you have any family visitors coming? Is there a day all of you will agree to spend together?
I would have a word with your eldest before next year to set expectations. Coming back from uni for that first holiday is a tough transition (I remember it too well) but I wouldn't allow accepting gifts but not giving them... that's really rude behaviour. Sure he might not have much money but token gifts is enough.

I don't really bother with Xmas at all now with teens I just give some money so they don't feel left out when their friends are having stuff and don't bother with the decorations, dinner or trying to force them to spend time with me 🥲

Teens can change on a sixpence so all those smug parents can never know what's round the next corner.

Merry Christmas to all those who live with a different type of teen.

I always look forward to DSS coming home from uni for the holidays (he's hours away so only comes home for Easter, Christmas and Summer - absence makes the heart grow fonder!) but within 24 hours it slides into the nightmare that it was between A Levels and Uni all over again.

Gaming 24/7, only coming down to eat, leaving the kitchen in an absolute mess, shouting at all hours on the phone or gaming even though we've asked him to be considerate while we're in bed, going out with friends and just staying out and not telling us he's not coming home - then not understanding why he should because 'he's an adult' (he doesn't understand that letting us know he's not coming home isn't the same as asking if he can stay out) .. it is so so stressful. Never takes his key anywhere so knocks continuously on the door when he gets back until someone answers, and if we're out he phones us continuously until we answer. He HAS a key, just doesn't take it (and therefore leaves the front door unlocked when he goes out of it). Not to mention eating us out of house and home, finishing bizarre things in the kitchen for snacks and not letting us know they've ran out (we have a whiteboard to write things on that we need from the shop) so the first I know of it is when I need to use it. Would anyone else's DC make a snack of 6 corn on the cobs at 3 in the morning?????

I had hoped that uni would mature him. It hasn't.

@RupertBare are you the self proclaimed idiot police? You certainly seem to be making out like you are 😂

Just to clear a few things up. My teens are generally good people, do well at school, kind and hard working. I think it’s just the amount of them! Ha, my fault for having three so close in age. And us all being cramped up together for 2 weeks when I need a break.
I don’t force any of them to come out and walk the dogs. Sometimes I’ll bribe my youngest as I think he needs time away from his screen.

i don’t begrudge them doing their own things, it just often feels like a chaotic house with everyone on a different pattern, coming and going etc and I guess I just need a bit of peace and quiet.

thank you to the posters who have shown some solidarity. Someone was right when they said about how unpredictable teens are and how needy for my time they can often me then ignore you the next and I find that quite hard.

We have family coming Xmas eve and Xmas day which means I’ll be busy hosting. Teens will like being around family but will dip in and out which is fine.

Dh is not their dad, although he’s been their step dad for the past 10 years and they all get on with him great. But it does mean it’s all on me for meeting all their needs. I’d love for Dh and I to get away for a night but we simply can’t afford it. I’m sure we will manage a few meals out to get some time out.

You sound exhausted OP and not really dreading your teens but the go, go, go aspect of the Christmas holidays when you need a rest.

I do think everyone should be chipping in with the preparation of Christmas though especially if you're hosting. Try to slope of for a nap/alone time when you can to recharge too.

Hopefully it will be a good Christmas for all of you.

I have a 13&14 yr old, they will be relatively sociable on Xmas day but then will be true to type and vegetate upstairs for the rest of the break, unless we drag them out. They’ll come down in the evenings for films and copious snacks. I quite like it tbh!

I loved every Xmas when my kids were in teens and living at home. They loved their Xmas dinner and helped to cook it. We watched Xmas movie, played silly games. Ate loads of chocolate and snacks. Not so much fun now children adults and live away. Can't complain because I'm going to sons for Xmas day and DD and dgc did early Xmas with me week before last.

@MummyInTheNecropolis as they get a bit older again they do go back to enjoying the little things you did together. My dd brought dgc to me one weekend and we all made gift tags from old Xmas cards using lots of glitter, enjoyed baking ginger cookies in Xmas shapes, watched Xmas movies on evening when dgc in bed. You will get it all back again in time.

@EIfie I disagree with you - that's allowed.

There must never be an expectation of gifts. I think that's a horrible message.

I see it as scaffolding - there is a social convection of reciprocal gifting - the Op mentioned it so she not as okay as you that it's not happened with her son.

My kids aren't NT they frequently need things spelt out and practised - eldest is given money to get gifts currently - if she forgets when she goes away to uni in September and comes back that's fine - but I want them all to understand there is an expectation around Christmas with gifts so they know it when they stop with DP or potential IL or just friends in future so they do't come across as rude and aren't blind sided.

I'm also don't ignore my kids problems - do offer advice but don't let myself get overwhelmed with their friendship dramas to point I dread them - because seriously how does that help anyone.

But you do you - my 3 teens are currently happy no metal problems doing well academically and considered very polite and they seem willing and able to talk to us so clearly things are working for us at moment - though I have same age gap as OP but I am a year behind her so next year may well be different.

I find it really odd that unless you are saying how awful teens are then you are living some sugar coated life and not being true to the sisterhood.

I frequently feel like this with MN - though I now think the OP is just stressed and venting and will enjoy christmas.

OP, I am sorry if I was insensitive. The last thing I want to do is make another mother feel awful and the responses I got here indicated I had done just that.

We all do our best and I am so proud of my DC and probably crowed a little too much here.

We have all had a tough year, I have been full on at work for months, my mum died in November which caused the inevitable fall out and DH is having what I think is his final breakdown as a teacher after 30 years in the profession.

I suppose the fact that my DC are lovely teens, is really just that little bit of good for me in a hard year.

Again sorry if it was insensitive.

I really really needed to read exactly this, thank you. You are spot on.