Christmas with teenagers, how you are preparing for it? What are you doing? Has the dread kicked in yet?

[Twobigsapphires]

3 teens here, 15-19. Feelings of dread are kicking in on what the day/week/fortnight will look like. Anyone else?

Our teens of spread out ages are getting on really well because they’re all suddenly into COD (Xbox game). It’s been lovely hearing them laughing and bonding over it, especially for DD as she’s beating her brothers 😆

What are you dreading exactly? I find even our oldest is still wide-eyed about the festivities.

Picking mine up from Uni (avec laundry) on Thursday. She has exams in Jan so will be studying a lot, but hoping for at least a couple of days of food, drink and movies together. And hoping she likes her pressies. She only asked for cash but I like to have things under the tree. I'm really looking forward to it.

Maybe dread is too strong, maybe is more pensive. Last year it seemed a bit flat. They all want to do separate things, and the house doesn’t feel like my own over that period. I’ve had 5 months without a break from work and work in a high pressure job so just need a decent break from work I guess. Doubt it will be peaceful. I know I’ll miss them when they move out. Youngest DS is 15. He’s a good boy but it will be a struggle to get him off his PlayStation 24/7 and maintain a routine, drag him out for dog walks etc. dd is just about to turn 18, she’s already got loads of parties planned and I know a lot of time will be spent ferrying her to her p/t job and back and forth to friends / parties etc. there’s always some drama going on with her friendship group too which causes tears. eldest is back from uni, he’s not into Xmas really. Will happily accept gifts but never give them. He’ll be in and out as he pleases, coming in at all hours etc. just all feels like a long time off with 5 of us all crammed into the house for that amount of time all wanting / needing different things.

Surely as they get older you just have to adapt Christmas and not expect it to stay the same.
Mine is 18, instead of Santa visits we go to Kew Gardens lights, have burgers, hot chocolate and mulled wine, stay over in London, we love a Premier Inn breakfast , usually meet up with some friends and do something in central London.
Christmas day is quiet - Polar Express has morphed into Die Hard. He will probably go to church on Christmas morning, I will laze around eating chocolate, phone grandparents, walk up to the allotment to feed the birds. He gets time on PS5 while I cook dinner.
He does humour me by collecting the 'special advance delivery' bag from the door step and putting out the mince pie and carrot on Christmas Eve.
All very nice.

@Twobigsapphires
at their ages I would hope to see some effort from them to give you a relaxing and enjoyable Christmas. Your dd shouldn’t expect you to be her unpaid taxi, yeah the odd lift fine but you need to be able to relax and have a drink. Also your eldest should buy you a present whether he “believes” in gifting or not.
It all sounds a bit selfish on their part. You

@FunnysInLaJardin I bet your post made the OP feel so much better

😂

What about your DH/P. Can you and him get out - or even away for a couple of nights?

Maybe try to divide and conquer - do something nice with each child on their own?

19 yo back from uni and 20 yo lives here. All the festive snacks have been eaten along with lots of the drinks... DS will be out partying till early hours and dd working till then so it's going to be different! Bet I'll be first up Christmas morning 😂 Still have to do stocking though!

I don't find this post baffling at all, I can totally understand the worry, teenagers can be moody and uncooperative. In my experience they often don't want to do things the way you want to do them or at all and are often constantly wanting to be on a screen which is demoralizing when you have put a ton of effort into the festivities and are also looking forward to a break from work. I keep reminding myself they are dealing with a ton of hormones, a disruption in their routine and hyped expectations all at the same time. I think sometimes the best we can do is model tolerance and try to keep some kind of boundaries even if they protest.

I have 3; 24, 21 and 17, I've never had anything other than fabulous christmases through their teens. The eldest won't be with us this year, I'll miss her terribly.

Good post @HappyBunnyNow
OP needed some empathy not a swarm of people acting as though they simply couldn't comprehend how someone might struggle with hormonal teens because their's are so fabulous.

Have to confess it all sounded a bit stepford kids to me lol!😀
Some kids are easier going due to their personalities some parents are also scary so the kids don't dare to disobey, not sure whats going on in these "perfect" families, perhaps the kids would tell a different story if they were asked ha ha.

No dread here, I'm looking forward to it. We're going ice skating on Christmas Eve and for something to eat afterwards, DS has asked if he can help cook Christmas dinner, he doesn't require day to day supervision or child care while off school, he helps with household chores. Things are a lot easier now and he's great company. Yes he goes off with his mates or spends a lot of time in his bedroom, but we eat together and still have family activities he's happy to engage in.

Have to confess it all sounded a bit stepford kids to me

😂

I hope it goes better than you think and you have a nice break from work too. All the best.

I think you have to disengage a bit. If one of them wants to sit on his games console non stop I’d just let them, it’s their holiday too. I wouldn’t be dragging them out for dog walks etc. And with the 18 year old I’d expect them to sort out their own transport, at least half of the time. My dd is 19 and home from university- we live rurally and there’s no transport but I refuse to be heading out all hours of the night to go and pick her up, she can arrange to stay over at friends or chip in together to get a taxi.

My son is 17. There is no issue with mine.

Why are people so bloody obsessed with forcing their teenage children into “festive walks”? I can’t think of anything more tedious and I’m an adult.

This enforced jollity and the need to have a regimented Family Christmas is so bizarre. Just leave them alone and let them enjoy their break from school/university without shoving an infantilised vision of what you think Christmas should be down their throats.

Because we have dogs who need walking and going for walks is good for you and a healthy positive thing to do?

Yes but you have to balance that alongside a sulky teen who doesn’t want to go. I’d still walk the dogs, I just wouldn’t pester my teen into going. If you get pets as a family they are always the responsibility of the adult, not the dc. You’d hope the dc would help out but ultimately it’s the adults who do the work.

Well, luckily my teens assume that we all have responsibility for the animals and possibly because of this they aren't sulky.

I hear ya OP, ignore The Waltons posts.

Night Jim Bob!

I get it op. Teenagers are unpredictable and you never know if they are going to be delightful or the exact opposite. Many on this thread remind me of the posters who come on to threads where someone is complaining about their DP just to comment how wonderful their DP is. Not especially helpful.

Youngest DS is 15. He’s a good boy but it will be a struggle to get him off his PlayStation 24/7 and maintain a routine, drag him out for dog walks etc. dd is just about to turn 18, she’s already got loads of parties planned and I know a lot of time will be spent ferrying her to her p/t job and back and forth to friends / parties etc. there’s always some drama going on with her friendship group too which causes tears. eldest is back from uni, he’s not into Xmas really. Will happily accept gifts but never give them. He’ll be in and out as he pleases, coming in at all hours etc. just all feels like a long time off with 5 of us all crammed into the house for that amount of time all wanting / needing different things.
I wouldn't be looking forward to any of that.

Why haven't you set the expectation of gifts from the eldest - I'm trying to do that now with my eldest and have been since she started college and will do same with DS next.

A rough ides of his plans over Christmas would be polite as well.

Why are you ferry DD around - as pp says odd lift fine but advanced warning would be nice - plus tale a step back with her friend drama - I know it can cause poor behavior in teen but as my DH says if they don't want to be around us they have a room to be in.

Youngest being on play station - well yes but at 15 - he old enough to understand some things he need to be part of - and if in your household that's dog walks tell him you don't need a fight every time- and as for routine he's 15 he should be able to do some of that himself - meals bedtime - now he may need reminding plus my 15 DS has homework over the holidays and revision and will be expected to make doing that part of his routine.

I just wonder if your catastrophising here - set expectations communicate with them. Yes there might have lots of stomping and snapping - but if they step over the line pull them up and try and let rest wash over you.

Why not just let them get on with doing what they want? It's their Christmas too. If you take the pressure off them and yourself (most importantly), who knows you might all have a good time.

Totally agree with @FlatWhiteExtraHot - Stop forcing teens to go on healthy walks. They don't care.