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Christmas

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Original poster

PIL Gift overload!

33 replies

Whereistheroom · 17/12/2022 12:01

I know in the bigger scheme of things this is NOT a big deal! But I feel better getting it out my head

PIL casually mentioned they think they might have gotten too many things for DS (21 months) and when DH asked, how many have you bought like? they said they couldn’t remember! 🙈

I know it is a lovely thing to do and some PIL don’t bother with their grandkids but ffs! First, where on earth are we going to put all this stuff, second, I don’t want DS to grow up spoilt, I want him to have nice gifts but also be appreciative of what he gets and this throws the balance off massively, third, it always makes worry about my side of the family as I think it makes them feel they’ve not gotten enough

They did the same last year, DS was o my 8 months but they arrived with more than twice as many gifts than we had bought DS, all toys, and said they thought they might have gotten too many

We joked that yes they might have gotten carried away but thanked them and said they really didn’t need to get so much. We thought they would have calmed down this year

DH has suggested they should keep half the presents for DC’s birthday and joked that they can keep them at theirs but I’m going to insist they keep them at theirs, I don’t know how else to get the message across without coming over ungrateful

No point to this post really but I feel better after a rant!

OP posts:
TheLadyofShalott1 · 17/12/2022 12:07

I just needed to check that your heading wasn't about me! It isn't, so carry on OP 😂

Original poster
Whereistheroom · 17/12/2022 12:10

Haha! I knew I’d not be the only one! 😂

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romdowa · 17/12/2022 12:11

This is ds second Christmas and my mother goes wild buying him Christmas outfits. 🤣🤣 last year they still fit him in March. It keeps her happy so I don't mind.

Hopeful16 · 17/12/2022 12:13

We did this for the first couple of Christmas for ours. All GP gifts were kept at theirs so "they'll always have something to play with when we visit" as PILs especially didn't have anything.
I'm afraid that you probably won't stop them but maybe you can steer them towards something more practical or useful like clothes or garden toys for summer.

Lindy2 · 17/12/2022 12:17

Yes, go with the keeping most of the toys at theirs for when you visit. Once they realise they have to store everything I expect the quantity will reduce and going overboard with gifts won't be quite so funny anymore.

Harp1977 · 17/12/2022 12:17

Could you steer them towards a yearly pass to a local zoo or wildlife park to be used for day outs all year round, we do this with one set of grand parents. The other gift a donation to their savings account and a small gift

Notacluewhatimdoingasalways · 17/12/2022 12:22

We had this, now what we do is get ahead of it by suggesting something fairly big for them to buy like a play gym or slide or whatever (I always feel cheeky asking for stuff but my mil genuinely seems to want this and has fallen out with us in the past when we have suggested cheaper small things). I then make a joke of saying how we have so little space and my dh will mention that we are asking everyone to just buy one gift for our children. They still do get them more than the one item we suggest each but its wayyyy better than when they'd turn up with literal sacks full of presents. I don't think it's ungrateful of you at all to think like this. I know GPs like to spoil their gc but we found that our son in particular wasn't appreciating the stuff they got him because there was just so much of it. Now he gets his one big thing he's a lot more grateful and it feels less like a huge waste of money.

Original poster
Whereistheroom · 17/12/2022 12:22

Yeah, they’ve also gotten a Christmas Eve box so not sure how many Christmas items will be in that! We’ve got Christmas stuff from last years box that DS can play with this year - as he was too young for some of them then

We did suggest an outdoor type gift that would be practical and useful, the type of gift you might get one or two little things to go with as it is what you would probably class as a main present. And also another outdoor toy which we are also getting, so he will have 2 of those. And they did tell me about a toy DS saw in the toy shop which he quite liked. Those 3 with a Christmas box would have been more than enough. So the fact they can’t remember how many they have gotten makes me nervous about what they’re going to bring on Christmas Day!! 😬

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Original poster
Whereistheroom · 17/12/2022 12:35

@Notacluewhatimdoingasalways I think that DS will react similarly to yours. There is spoiling and then there is spoiling. I’m pleased we’re going to do our presents first thing as there’s just a couple of bits which I think he will enjoy. But I think he’ll get bored part way through theirs if they’ve brought too many as he’s too young to understand and he’ll probably not know what to do with himself!

One funny thing is that they’re always very vocal of how many gifts the kids in MIL’s family get and how spoilt they think they are ( they do get loads and don’t appreciate them) yet they’re going the same way lol!

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CocoPlum · 17/12/2022 12:39

Had this with my PIL. They didn't live nearby so we couldn't leave stuff there. One year we suggested they do "something you want ..." etc qs they obviously wanted to buy more than one gift ... so they got those things and STILL a ton of other stuff. They still do it even though both kids are teens, think gift bags full of stuff like wind up santas, polystyrene gliders, if you suggest they get anything they get it on top.of whatever is in the stocking filler section of the shops ... honestly this was an upside of me and XH splitting, he kept it all at his.

nauticant · 17/12/2022 12:50

I saw our Mam do similar with her small granddaughter. 1 cubic metre of wrapped presents, all of no interest to the child, child opening them at a faster and faster rate, until eventually child got herself into such a state she threw up and then had to take a couple of hours to recover.

In our Mam's defence, she grew up in desperate poverty and fundamentally she was buying for herself. She didn't want the presents, she wanted there to be an overwhelming abundance.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 17/12/2022 13:13

I’d rather they came to mine that way I can manage what my DCs get and don’t. Once unwrapped I’d move things to one side only opening what I’d want DCs to play with. The rest get put away and brought out through the year or regifted to other children in greater need.

First few years my dds were completely overloaded with gifts, but were none the wiser about what I put out of sight as soon as they weren’t looking. So many of their birthday and Christmas gifts never saw the light of day in our house. My oldest is 10 now and knows that I regifted unopened toys, she dose not have a problem with this or feels she missed out.

Your DS is too young to be spoiled, you still have a few years to work out the kinks of gift giving by over generous grandparents.

What I found with my in-laws is they had a set amount in their heads so would spend up to that which meant when they were young my dds got tones of things. As they got older and we had more expensive things on the list so quantity dropped or things became joint and big gifts e.g sandpit, slide, karaoke machine. Also mil enjoyed buying toys, as do I but she’s reigned it in and general just buys what we ask. She may ask for something extra to even costs up or buy something extra but not as bad as when they were little and because she can as DDs herself, she gets them things they like and want anyway.

NoelNoNoel · 17/12/2022 13:27

For future years could you save your money and buy your DC less as you know your PIL’s will go a bit mad?

Zodiacsigns · 17/12/2022 13:29

My tactic for gifts now is to thank the giver, tell them it's lovely, then take anything I don't want to the charity shop asa

Itstoocoldoutthere · 17/12/2022 13:36

I always re-gifted or put stuff away for later. One year my DD got so many Barbie dolls it was overwhelming. We agreed to put a lot to one side and gave them all away to friend's for Birthdays etc over the year. At that age is should be fairly easy to keep stuff back unwrapped but unopened as they wont remember what they are given.

wouldthatbeworse · 17/12/2022 13:39

My mum does this. I now ask for very specific things so at least the kids love what they get. The other stuff on top of the requests is hit and miss. It’s annoying as I have to reign myself back as mum spoils them so much and she doesn’t remember what the kids already have so there are always repeats. Like a previous poster said, my mum grew up poor and she loves she can do this

snowinthesticks · 17/12/2022 13:42

I would bear this in mind for future years and buy less yourself.
When DC were little I used to hear people complaing about how many presents their DC got.
My DC got next to nothing from family and I always felt like over compensating.

Floralnomad · 17/12/2022 13:46

My mum used to buy our kids enormous amounts and not even at Christmas it was all year ! There was no stopping her , when our son was 6 and we had unfortunately lost our Shetland pony to laminitis ( the Shetland had pre dated the child but child had ridden him from when he was 18 months) she went and bought him a pony that we still own 24 yrs later ! Anyhow the point of my post is that this does not make children spoilt , both of our now adult children both prefer buying other people Christmas gifts than receiving and both really appreciate their possessions . It’s how your children are raised that determines whether they are spoilt and entitled not what they have or get .

MrsMontyD · 17/12/2022 13:50

We used up have this problem with my ex in laws, and then my DM would buy more to keep up. It used to make me feel physically sick just looking at the sheer volume and wondering where it was am going to go. I used to put some things away and bring them out later in the year but inevitably some things just never got used and ended up at the charity shop or being regifted.

I eventually put my foot down and gave them a limit, not very festive but needs must.

Original poster
Whereistheroom · 17/12/2022 14:20

Totally agree with the posters who suggested buying less, thing is we do! Last year we bought 3 presents,a book series for when DS got older, a bath toy and a new pram liner. We did get him a little Christmas Day outfit and pyjamas/slippers for December and we’ve done similar this year. A main present (larger toy) a smaller toy, books and a couple of new outfits. I’m taking advantage of his age and making the most before he is old enough to understand Christmas and asks for millions of things lol

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VioletLemon · 17/12/2022 16:46

Just accept, keep some in a cuboard once opened and rotate every few weeks. Probs just getting carried away with DGC!

Peachy2005 · 17/12/2022 17:33

I never wanted my kids to be spoiled either. Tell the grandparents to choose one big thing and one small thing to bring for your child, save something for his birthday and to give the rest to charity. They won’t do it again (hopefully) and children in need will benefit 👍

modgepodge · 17/12/2022 17:44

My parents in law did this my daughters first Christmas. They’d bought her cousin a tablet which was over £100 so bought our daughter gifts to the same value, there must have been over 20 of them. She was 8 months old!

since then they give us a (generous) budget and ask what to buy or will transfer the money so we could do days out etc if we wanted. This works best as we can limit it. It does make my side of the family seems mean by comparison, when in reality my dad spends £30-40 which is about in line with what my grandparents spent on us as kids allowing for inflation, and is perfectly fine!

TheOinkySplit · 17/12/2022 17:59

My mil has just set up a savings account for my three kids, would they be open to this? A lot of family from both sides give £5 or £10 each. My eldest son has asked for £50 and a stocking. He has asd and has worked out how much it will cost him to see the films coming out in the next year at the cinema he wants to watch. So the extra money will be put in his savings. Same with my younger two I think, we'll take them shopping with £50 then put the rest aside.

Flossiemoss · 17/12/2022 18:10

inreally feel for you op. My parents turned up like the second Santa every Christmas the kids got horribly overwhelmed (as did I with the stress of it all) they ended up in tears and grandparents then got stressed that the dc were crying and overwhelmed.

it has got better as parents and dc have got older. They give money now- teenagers love it.
we also visit them so the mess is at their house. That is a game changer if you live close enough to get the gift giving dont at their house. You can come away at a time to suit you and manage the gifts a bit better than when it’s all over your floor.

i think you probably do have to have a few polite words- they probably will think you are being ungrateful but ultimately grandparents are thinking about themselves not the grandchildren and certainly not the parents.

im all for being generous but when I’m a granny I will not be making life difficult for ds in this way.