DD gave me her list to throw away!

[ChristmasTidyings]

DD (10) handed me a piece of paper this morning just before she left for school and asked me to put it in the recycling. It was her Christmas list 😮
I don't know whether she finally doesn't believe (she twigged the tooth fairy a couple of months ago) or whether she's heard too much about keeping energy costs down or even if she's making a secret list!
Would you say anything to her? The one thing she desperately wants she will not be getting (a pet).

I havent had land snails although they look interesting but they can breed out of control which is what put me off, everyone I know starts with one and a few month down the line has hundreds.

My pond snail also breed out of control aswell, started with one and lost count but Im sure there must have been 300+, luckily it self regulated itself as they only had room/supplies to host so many but pond snails are tiny I'm not sure I could have 300 giants lol.

This! I reckon your dd did it as a bit of reverse psychology and you fell for it! 😂

Its definitely the kind of thing one of my dd's would do!

Please don’t get any type of pet that is kept in box, be it a cage, tank, or whatever. It’s cruel and no way for an animal to live.

A surprise pet for a child may end up being neglected as well.

I suggest finding some wild animals that she can feed regularly (e.g. birds) or a shelter she can volunteer at.

Do you think she’s worried about money? ( which is very sweet if that’s the case). My DD10 has a long list with a puppy at the top but I’ve told her that’s not happening. She’s also given me a form to fill out which is for my list apparently.

She gave you the list.she needs you to ask her why was my first thought.

im surprised any child gets to 10 without knowing Santa is not real… that’s very surprising
i also think it’s telling she gave you the list rather than put in bin herself
To me this is saying 2 things

1. I stopped believing in Santa so quit the antics mum
2. there’s stuff I want for Xmas but don’t know how we do this in our family

so, get the list and sit with her this evening. Tell her how presents can work from now on, what she can’t ask for (pet rule), whether she still gets a stocking etc, how and when she can ask eg does she give a list of options but knows she won’t get very thing, can she only ask for main present or what?

i still ask my DS for their Dear Santa letters- it’s just an expression to get them to send me a list of possible options I can choose from - they are 26 and30 😉🙄. It stops me buying crap they don’t want. But they don’t know exactly what they will get. They also ( since 16) know our rough budget. They also know the rule that if they’re “ home” for Xmas they’ll get a Xmas stocking with “random shit” as they call It- smaller surprises - but not rubbish. If they’re not at home I send them one smaller surprise I’ve come up with.

so, lay out for her how it will work from now on so she feels comfortable in being able to express her wishes for what she gets,

Get her a suction bird feeder that sticks on the windows, so she can watch the birds.

As for the list there's a couple of options

1. she's lazy and didn't want to put it in the bin herself
2. she doesn't really believe but wanted you to find a way to see her list
3. she's heard too much talk of money and thinks she won't get anything for Christmas. Address this so she knows things are tight but you can always have fun in other ways.
4. she still believes and written a neater list.

If she does still believe then do you not need to have a gentle word? She will be starting high school next year.
I would guess she doesn't but isn't sure how she asks for what she would like without a 'letter to father Christmas'.

Could it be her way of trying to be ‘smooth’ and mysteriously pass you the list? 😅

Clearly you have no idea of the needs of a goldfish......

I doubt her flat is big enough for a pond, and I doubt the ten year old would be interested in the filter maintenance

Did she give it to you to put in the recycling so you would see it, if she no longer believes in Santa? Does she have younger siblings? My eldest loved joining in the Santa game for her younger siblings even when she no longer believed, it kept the magic alive a bit longer!

If this was my DC at 10, I think they’d be giving me the list to ‘recycle’ as a way of getting me to open up the conversation. So I’d do that.

“DD, I went to put your paper in the recycling and then I realised it was your Christmas list! Do you not want to send it to FC [or whatever you usually do in your house]?”

Then where the conversation goes after that should show you what you need to ask next, or reassure about, or discuss - like the pet!

Her list was stuck on the wall above her desk so it wasn't a way of letting me see it.

bird feeders etc not allowed on flats or in communal garden.

She doesn't have any younger siblings but she does have an older with SN and DH and I have no idea what he believes.

she wants a cat, which is neither practical nor fair in a top floor, open plan flat.

@Justhereforthechristmasthreads it goes under the tree and the elves collect it!

This is the first year her "list" has been more than one item!

Those little live pets are very cute , my kids loved the pig one last Christmas

Goldfish require a minimum 20 gallon tank, less is animal abuse.... 20 gallon tanks aren't small or cheap and thats for 1 fish, you also need a 600lt per hour filter or higher.

On top of that water maintence is constant and REALLY hard even for adults and professionals.

Goldfish are possibly one of the hardest pets to keep unless you just bung it in a bowl and level it to slowly die for the next few month which is straight up cruel (the equivilent of trying to keep a yorkshire terrier in shoe box full of monoxide).

@caringcarer I found this a lot funnier than I probably should have 😂 it's been a long day!

I would have a chat to her about the cat thing. Wanting a kitten is not unusual at that age but they are fully grown or near enough by 6 months and less fun to play with.

A rescue centre would allow you to home an older indoor cat but they often come with health issues and may pass away sooner than she would like.

Our rescue kittens have been here 3 weeks and the kids 10 & 12 have poop scooped occasionally. Never done a full litter tray clean out and fed occasionally. They certainly haven't hoovered, cleaned down surfaces and generally made the place less cat like. So I'd hold firm unless you are a mega cat fan!
No reason you can offer to cat sit for someone for the odd weekend though. Borrow my doggy is worth a look.

Could she be testing you OP? She may have written a totally different secret list for Father Christmas that she won’t show you. Then on Christmas Day she sees whether she gets the presents on ‘your list’ (FC not real) or the presents on ‘his list’ (FC is real).
My DD did similar with the tooth fairy - she didn’t tell me her tooth had fallen out but still put her tooth under her pillow. She proved the tooth fairy wasn’t real as she never got any money from her that night 🤦‍♀️

Indoor cats usually have very long life spans 18 upwards to 22 years can be normal.

I have 2 indoor rescues that where 'adults' not kittens (no one wanted them because they werent little and cute, they where on the emergency adoption list with no interest for over a year) and have had them 8 years and they are still only just getting to the half way point of the expected lifespan.

Even if you get a 'geriatric' cat (usually classed approx. 7-8) they can still have a solid 10+ years in them.

Outdoor cats may have shorter life spans but they are much easier care wise and personally I think the trade of for living longer vs living free most cats would prefer freedom (except my 2, one has anxiety so is super panicy about everything so chooses to stay in and ones agrophobic and goes catatonic if you try to take him out of the house... I mean whose ever heard of a bloody agrophobic cat lol).

Guinea pig? Sociable sweet things. I think it’s a shame to deny a child a pet. Yes it’s a bit of extra work but it’s worth it.

I think it’s a shame to deny a child a pet. Yes it’s a bit of extra work but it’s worth it.
Even if you have no outdoor space? And nowhere the animal can go to get away from people? And no way of airing the flat when it's hitting 30 degrees inside? Having to keep the shutters closed all day, so no sunlight, so it doesn't go over 30?

Even if you have no outdoor space? And nowhere the animal can go to get away from people? And no way of airing the flat when it's hitting 30 degrees inside? Having to keep the shutters closed all day, so no sunlight, so it doesn't go over 30?

You're being responsible OP. Yes it's nice for children to have pets but apart from your points above, those pets are almost always taken care of by the adult, it's extra work and money for you apart from anything else. If you don't want to have a pet you don't have to feel guilt about it.

@Winter2020 I had a beloved Redwings adoption for a lot of my childhood but seem to have buried the memory until just now - thanks for reminding me!

I might gift myself another this Christmas. 😊

@ChristmasTidyings are you in the UK with those temperatures?

We have had a variety of pets for our kids over the years (snail, Guinea pigs, dog) all well looked after (mainly by us but a bit by them) The extra work was far outweighed by the pleasure I got from their enjoyment. Anyway just my opinion. Yes we had a garden so that obviously makes a big difference. I’m interested in if you’re UK as it’s ownership us a huge thing here much more do that some other countries I think. Anyway it was very important for me that my children had that experience.

Surely she’s given it to you for you to read it or question it? Why wouldn’t she just leave it out or bin it herself?