My daughter has found my Christmas list plan

[Primula78]

Hello

After advice please

Yesterday my daughter (6 nearly 7 and bright/doesn't miss a trick) was building a den with blankets around my work desk. Didn't think anything of it until this morning. She asked me a question that made me stop and double take.

On my desk are many notebooks. At the back of one of these notebook (my christmas planning one) i have listed all the presents I have purchased for her bday and Xmas (they are close together) I have listed her stocking items, the items santa is bringing and then the presents we have got and what I have asked wider family to get. I also have lists for wider family presents, food, Xmas cards.

I think she found the notebook when playing ans read it based on the question she asked this morning. I'm very cross and hurt, I haven't asked her outright but I have asked her if she has anything she wants to tell me and she said no.

I have now removed these pages from the notebook. My initial thought is to write a message for her if she returns to the book along the lines of 'I know you have read this - all presents have been returned. Please do not look in my notebooks again'

My husband says this is very mean and it's natural for kids to snoop etc.

Any advice please?

[RudsyFarmer]

Well she’s snooped and she now knows her presents. Lesson learned.

[Thelonelychicken]

Yeah kids snoop. I thought you was going to ask about explaining santa after finding a list like that

[olivehater]

Can’t you just tell her they are a wish list to father Christmas? She won’t have memorized everyone.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Yes that would be incredibly mean.

[Primula78]

@Thelonelychicken do I now explain santa?
She has said a couple of times she doesn't believe in him - but in a very unsure way and way before this incident.
We've bloody booked our santa visit for this year.
My feeling is not to say anything unless she does. She hasn't said she has read the list but the question she asked makes me believe she has.

[Qwertyfudge]

She’s a child of course she read it, she’s already ruined it enough by taking the surprise element away, this does not require a punishment!

[PuttingDownRoots]

I genuinely accidentally found my Christmas presents at that age... playing hide and seek, opened airing cupboard there they were. Mother was angry at me... but it was a cupboard we regularly open?

You knew she was playing there... dont keep the notebook there.

But a talk about privacy won't go amiss.

[SomePosters]

I don’t think it’s mean.

It would be if you then followed up by not getting her anything!

Apart from anything else she will only find it if she goes snooping again

[Heartstopper]

That would be a very mean message to write.
The lesson here is for you: don't leave things you don't want read lying around! You said yourself, she is bright and doesn't miss a trick. Well, she didn't miss this one! FWIW, I once went snooping where I knew my mother kept our gifts and found everything I was getting for my birthday and Christmas (also close together). It utterly spoilt the festivities for me that year, and your dd will probably feel the same this year.

[notangelinajolie]

Change the presents- there is still time

[user73]

That would be really mean. Your'e making this all about you rather than about her. I think you need to check yourself.

[PandaOrLion]

I think it’s lesson learned for her, but doesn’t need to go any further. I found presents as a child (actively looking) and it meant I didn’t have the surprise I wanted at Christmas.

She is trying to communicate to you that she knows by asking a question about it. You can choose if you want to acknowledge she knows or ignore it, but she’s too young to play games with about it without shaming her.

[Cuwins]

@Heartstopper

That would be a very mean message to write.
The lesson here is for you: don't leave things you don't want read lying around! You said yourself, she is bright and doesn't miss a trick. Well, she didn't miss this one! FWIW, I once went snooping where I knew my mother kept our gifts and found everything I was getting for my birthday and Christmas (also close together). It utterly spoilt the festivities for me that year, and your dd will probably feel the same this year.

I used to deliberately look my my presents as a child (maybe 7/8+). I hated surprises and still do so it actually made Christmas more enjoyable for me to know what was coming. I don't think my mum ever realised I knew but I meant instead of panicking about what was in the presents and how I needed to respond I could be genuinely pleased and grateful for my presents.
It's not a problem as an adult as I generally get asked what I would like by my parents and partner so know the main things, I know any surprises will be smaller stuff. But I still find things like secret Santa or leaving gifts hard.

[picklemewalnuts]

That's a very adult understanding of snooping and privacy.

I assume your house is full of things that are ok for her to look at. Can she get books of shelves etc?

I remember being told off for playing one of my dad's unsuitable records, and reading an unsuitable book. The book was on the bookshelf (Jaws). The record was in the record collection.

[LeMoo]

She's your daughter and a little girl not a snooping housemate!

Plus surely the idea of santa is for children's benefit not yours? So why are you "hurt"?

I think your reaction is ott and inappropriate and the way you want to deal with it is inappropriate.

[mam0918]

I dont buy the kids snoop thing... I never did, DH never did and my kids never have. I always remember the handful of kids at school who did and thinking it was really sad and immature that they had ZERO self control or manners.

However did she snoop or accidently find it?

Its wierd to leave it lying out in a place you know your DD plays, its also odd to have EVERYTHING writen down like that (even stuff from other people). If you left it out in plain sight then its hardly her fault for having eyes.

Snooping however is basic disrespect of privacy and is a HORRIBLE trait that does people no favors in life and can get you in huge trouble and also lose you friends easily.

I think if someone is doing it as a child teaching them the lesson that its not acceptible and they will get caught and theirs consiquences would be one of those basic life lessons that its a parents job to do and not too but instead make shitty excuses of 'all kids do it' would be a failure of parenting.

[Cosycover]

This is more your fault than hers. Why are you even considering a punishment?

[WeAreAllSpecksOnARock]

I don’t understand the anger or the need to punish her.
Shes a young child who wouldn’t fully understand the idea of privacy, and if she has read the notebook her Christmas magic will be spoilt already, without you trying to make her feel worse about it. In your shoes I would let it go and just say Santa needed some help with ideas this year.

[OldWivesTale]

You're "hurt"?!? 😆 Grow up!

[Jakadaal]

I suspect that you are hurt because you were striving for a perfect Christmas morning and there is nothing wrong with that OP. Your dd has snooped or found out your plans. Chances are she could forget what she has read or become even more excited at the thought of her gifts. Either way I would try and ignore it, maybe switch a couple of gifts and as others have said say that Santa Claus needs help with ideas, money etc

[ShaunaTheSheep]

Just ignore. Hide the notebook next time.
There are two outcomes for your DD - she'll either be happy with the list. Or annoyed that what she wants isn't on it. Can you tell which it is from what she has said?

[ChristmasLightsAndSparkles]

Sounds like she just found it accidentally. I have a list of everything written down too mam0918 - it's the only way I can remember - but it's on my phone and DD knows not to go on my phone without permission! Plus it's never out of my sight!

I would be sad for her but and upset with myself for leaving the list - but not angry or upset at her. She's a very little girl, and your beloved daughter.

Definitely don't write that horrible note.

I'd keep the main presents as they are - pity that she won't get the fun of surprises, but presumably they are presents she does really want. As pp have said, not getting surprises is a natural consequence and punishment enough.

I'd swap out the Santa presents and stocking though. 6 is too young to find out about Santa in that way. Can you return/not buy or set aside some of the gifts both from you and from santa (either for next year or as party gifts to friends) and rejuggle things so that everything on the list is from you, and you get new things from Santa? Thete's still more than a month until Christmas.

[ShaunaTheSheep]

PS Father Christmas only come if you pretend to believe

[DappledThings]

I don't get the problem. She's going to have less of a surprise at Christmas now, that's all. That might be a little disappointing for you and for her but it's not a big deal.

She's already asked about Father Christmas, now she knows. Doesn't mean so won't still enjoy the visit. DS is also 6 and announced last week FC isn't real. He's just as excited about getting presents as he was last year.

No idea why you would punish her or change presents. Weird.

[sophs29]

What did she ask? Maybe you're just overthinking it and she hasn't seen it at all!
Maybe you could write some more 'lists' that are completely fake and leave them around so if she reads those she won't know which one is the real one therefore it won't spoil the surprise as such!