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Original poster

New years eve without MIL

41 replies

Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 16:52

About 8 years ago we booked tickedt for NYE to go to a stately home on NYE afternoon and MIL and FIL invited themselves along. Since then we have done it every year and we come home and have a takeaway and see the new year in with them. I am run ragged over christmas cooking and entertaining and I hate this. I have always wanted a NYE with just DH and DC. The children are now 14, 17 and 20 and the ILs are well into their 80s. How do I stop this tradition so that we can spend it on our own? DH will expect it to carry on and MIL is v manipulative.

OP posts:
Waitingfordecember · 31/10/2022 16:57

I don’t know, it’s difficult once something has become a tradition. Will your oldest two actually want to spend NYE with you? If they are going out with friends it could be a perfect excuse to change things up for everyone.

Original poster
Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 16:59

Well that is part of my plan, the eldest has already said as much and the middle one may well be working - he has an interview this week for a job in a kitchen. The problem is whilst that could be part of the solution it could mean we end up still doing it minus the older two which will be worse than ever!

OP posts:
WrongLife · 31/10/2022 17:01

Forget to book tickets.

Original poster
Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 17:03

Yes it is always me that books- trouble is they never sell out - because normal people don't want to do that on NYE!

OP posts:
WrongLife · 31/10/2022 17:06

Get covid?

WrongLife · 31/10/2022 17:06

I mean not actually. Just as an excuse

MightyAtlantic · 31/10/2022 17:07

Go on holiday if you can afford it. Even just a couple of nights in a cosy cottage. Might be too late to sort for this year though!

Nutsabouttopic · 31/10/2022 17:08

Just don't book tickets. Tell everyone that you want to do something different this year but you haven't decided what to do yet. Then don't book anything. Nearer the time book a meal out for you, DH and DC.
However given their ages there may not be many more NYEs.

forrestgreen · 31/10/2022 17:11

I'd go with booking a meal out in the evening at a place they won't want to go.

You might have to 'cancel/never actually book it' nearer the time when you're skint/shattered

Ihavekids · 31/10/2022 17:11

I just don't understand posts like this. You only get one life, just say you don't want to do this anymore, and do what you want to do instead. If everyone is upset, offer to do it every other year if that's an acceptable compromise to you.

Original poster
Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 17:12

The problem is DH does want to do it.

OP posts:
Allmyaarrgghandpeggymartin · 31/10/2022 17:13

I’m going to go against the grain and say if they are in their 80s then they might not be up to this for much longer. I’d take them but then I lost my MIL at a young age.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 31/10/2022 17:13

I’d plan something with other people this year, to break the tradition. Have you got friends who would invite you and dc3 over?

Also, tell Dh he is in charge of Christmas planning, shopping and cooking this year. Sounds like it might be his turn.

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 31/10/2022 17:14

Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 17:12

The problem is DH does want to do it.

Point out that he has done what he wants for the last 9 years so it’s your turn to choose for the next 9 years?

Bogofftosomewherehot · 31/10/2022 17:50

DH might want to do it but what about you and the kids? Does that not matter in his eyes?

Floralnomad · 31/10/2022 17:54

Let you husband and the in-laws and whichever kids want to go do the stately home and then you only have to put up with the takeaway . Unless you have plans to go out what is the issue with your in-laws being there for NY .

Franticbutterfly · 31/10/2022 17:55

Do something different for a couple of years and it'll just stop it all dead.

Inasec24 · 31/10/2022 19:47

Be ill. Develop a "tummy bug" a couple of days before and have a nice chilled night on the sofa.

ICanHideButICantRun · 31/10/2022 19:53

I think your husband should take them and you can have a lovely time on the sofa with some wine and chocolates.

comfortablyfrumpy · 31/10/2022 19:57

Cliff1975 · 31/10/2022 17:12

The problem is DH does want to do it.

Well, tell him you have done it for 8 years and you don't want to do it any more?

bakermummy21 · 31/10/2022 20:17

You could do it on another day in between Christmas and New Year then that way they'd be happy and you can still have NYE to yourself!

mondaytosunday · 31/10/2022 20:19

Frankly I'd suck it up. If your husband wants to do it then do it for him it's one day. His parents won't be around forever. I'd give a lot to see my parents again.

Dogsgottabone · 31/10/2022 20:27

I agree with PP and ask if they'd mind doing it a different day.

I'm in the same position, my parents have had Xmas Dinner at our house every year for 15 years. DH is so lovely and puts up with it but we secretly fantasise about going away for Xmas. But my parents have nowhere else to go as my brother won't even countenance hosting them. So it's me cooking again this year.

It's very hard when a tradition sets in when DC are little and then doesn't adapt as they grow.

I've made it clear to my children that they are never ever obliged to spend any festive day with me if they'd rather be elsewhere when they are adults!

AltroVinoPerFavore · 31/10/2022 20:39

I don't really understand these things. Your husband wants to do one thing, you want to do another so alternate? If your husband doesn't agree with that you have a DH problem not a NYE problem.

CoolShoeshine · 31/10/2022 21:48

What happens in your household over Christmas? If you spend a lot of time with your own side of the family it is not unreasonable for your dh to want to spend a special day with his parents. It is just one day a year and a stately home visit plus takeaway is hardly exhausting. However, if you spend lots of days with the in laws over the festive season then it is more reasonable for you to want an evening alone. Also is your dh helpful in hosting his and your family members? If he is a great husband and dad then this is a small concession.