New years eve without MIL

[Cliff1975]

About 8 years ago we booked tickedt for NYE to go to a stately home on NYE afternoon and MIL and FIL invited themselves along. Since then we have done it every year and we come home and have a takeaway and see the new year in with them. I am run ragged over christmas cooking and entertaining and I hate this. I have always wanted a NYE with just DH and DC. The children are now 14, 17 and 20 and the ILs are well into their 80s. How do I stop this tradition so that we can spend it on our own? DH will expect it to carry on and MIL is v manipulative.

Given the age of DH’s parents this activity will not be going on for much longer and will naturally stop. If you really don’t like your MIL that much (it doesn’t sound like you have an issue with FIL) why don’t you stay at home whilst they all visit the stately house? That will give you a rest whilst they all visit and then you only have to contend with the takeaway, or get DH to arrange a takeaway at their house, so you don’t have to attend at all.

As someone else has already suggested, an alternative is for the visit to take place another day (either with or without you going).

Do you actually see them at any other point over the Christmas period?

Why did you start it back up after covid?

Whilst you shouldn't feel pressured into a day out if you don't want to go, you shouldn't try to stop your DH if he does want to.

Perhaps your DH can do the day out with his parents, and you can stay home and relax. Youngest DC goes or stays home. Present it as catching up on essential chores after being run ragged at Christmas, if you need to explain it to PIL. Then they all come back and you still share a take away?

I don't really know how you can resolve this because you want to spend NYE just with your husband and he doesn't want to do this.

The plans seem pretty chilled out - if my husband wanted to do this with me AND his elderly parents I'd probably carry on doing it for him. He would do the same for me though so it's equal.

Just choose another day to spend a quiet day together at a stately home.

We spend christmas day and boxing day with inlaws and my parents alternate years- i do all cooking etc.

If you book do you also pay? Just say finances won't stretch this year...
Add on quickly that thankfully x friend has invited you there for drinks and nibbles...

Tbh if it were me and my DH wanted to do it, plus his parents were in their 80’s, then I would do it. I know that’s not going to be a popular opinion but having parents in that age group myself, I know the importance they sometimes put on these traditions. The other option would be for your DH to do it and you could arrange something different with one your your children or friends? It’s a difficult one I know, but for me I would rather take the hit of the I convenience than have one or both of them pass away and have the guilt hanging over me. That’s only me though. I wouldn’t blame you if you declined to do it this year in favour of your own plans.

Well that would be stopping for first! When did that start that you've not had a year just your family and you not cooking?

To be honest I feel this
Frankly I'd suck it up. If your husband wants to do it then do it for him it's one day. His parents won't be around forever
I feel that there are compromises to be made in a relationship and as long as he makes compromises with you about other things or doesn't expect much the rest of the year I'd give him this one. However I would tell him he needs to pull his finger out and start doing more to make the day run smoothly and that includes everything from cooking shopping and tidying away afterwards

Just book on another day. 30th Because you want a break in NYE. Then you’re still doing something just not on NYE.

Organise a New Year’s Eve party, let teenagers invite somefriends, you invite yours. Hopefully Dh thinks this is a good fun idea.

Hopefully? In-laws won’t like the loud music and partying.

Make sure dh pulls his weight with Xmas and NY

Tell DH it isn't happening this year. He can square it with his DPs.

This is a great plan

Let DH go out with his parents and host them. You go out with friends and see NYE in, in style and with a lot more fun!

So he can go and you stay home?

I don't see why this has taken more than 10 seconds to worry over.

Well let DH sort it out then.

Don’t be a martyr. You can use your voice to say ‘not this year’.

Can’t imagine your kids enjoy it either. Tell DH you’re not doing it but he can if he wants to sort it out.