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Original poster

Older believers and school

51 replies

Raindancer411 · 30/10/2022 09:40

Now a bit off of the usual sharing good deals and ideas but I am wondering what others have done or planning to do.

My son is 10 and is due to go secondary next September. So far he still seems to believe (or at least tells us and acts like he does). He also has a lot younger sister.

Did you leave them to believe or did you say something before they started secondary?

I know he will be upset (he is very sensitive) when he finds out and I wish he could go on believing for as long as he likes, but I am worried he will be taken the mick out of. They still seem so young when going into year 7...

OP posts:
custardbear · 30/10/2022 09:50

I told my DD before se our school. DS is the same age as yours and I do t know what to do for him either, we think he has ADHD or ASD and is quite young in himself (dreading him walking to school!)
Hoping others will have insight

KenickiesHickey · 30/10/2022 09:50

Unless he’s been homeschooled up until now he will know. He’s probably not saying to the contrary because of his younger sister. He sounds like a lovely boy.

Jayinthetub · 30/10/2022 09:51

My advice would definitely be to say something before high school. Whilst I don't think my daughter truly believed in the same way as when she was 5, we still kept up a good show and Christmas was magical. In her first term at high school she was in a PSHE lesson about belief which started with "Everybody lies to you..." and revealed the truth about Santa in quite an explosive way. The first I knew about it was when she came home and said "Why did you think it was okay to lie to me all this time?" Shock She said lots of people were quite shocked like her!

Original poster
Raindancer411 · 30/10/2022 09:55

@Jayinthetub That's awful, and what did you say to her? Bless her and you!

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BooksAndHooks · 30/10/2022 09:58

We always said as you get older most people lose the ability to believe in magic, so most people don’t believe once they hit double figures. For that reason it is best not to discuss it with people outside the family. It just came to a natural end without us ever spelling it out to them.

latenightprep · 30/10/2022 10:02

My daughter will be going into secondary school next year and I will gently tell her before she starts. Being made fun of or finding out in a lesson would be a horrible way to find out.

Can't believe that lesson! Not sure what the teacher was thinking, yes they should know at that age but it's a horrible public way to find out for those that don't.

I'm pretty sure my daughter will know the truth but is just not saying anything, but I want to be sure. I will try and keep the magic alive in other ways and say something about all of us who "know" being our own Father Christmas and creating Christmas magic for the younger ones.

AlternativelyWired · 30/10/2022 10:15

Mumsnet seems to think that believing in FC is for very young children only. There's lots of posts about kids being ridiculed at high school but in all 4 high schools I attended the subject never came up. I still believe and I'm in my 40s. I don't recall any conversations at home about FC, just the "go downstairs and see if he's been/shout he's been!!"

Athenen0ctua · 30/10/2022 10:20

I wouldn't expect it to come up in secondary school as children will just assume no-one still believes. It would be more likely to come up in upper primary.

Fivemoreminutes1 · 30/10/2022 10:46

@Raindancer411 Does your son still believe in the tooth fairy? If not, did he believe when he was younger and how did he find out?

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 30/10/2022 11:03

I hate the “they can’t still believe” comments, they piss me off. My 10yo, no additional needs still believes, she absolutely loves Christmas, it’s her favourite time of the year and believes very much in magic, Santa, the elf’s.

Ive decided that I’m going to say something early next year. I don’t want to wait to long as she literally starts planning for Christmas in May. I’m not sure what I will say yet, but I’d rather it came from me before you starts high school.

Jayinthetub · 30/10/2022 12:12

Raindancer411 · 30/10/2022 09:55

@Jayinthetub That's awful, and what did you say to her? Bless her and you!

I wondered whether to say something at the time but in the end didn't. It didn't really spoil anything for my daughter and nobody ever told me he wasn't real either Grin As a pp said, we say things like "who knows", "if you definitely don't believe maybe he'll not come" etc. We have lots of winks and talks about the elves and reindeers and needing to be good when there are younger children about and she now enjoys playing along.

Thinking about it again now, I maybe should have said something to school - it wasn't their place and feels quite brutal.

mnahmnah · 30/10/2022 12:20

I’m a secondary teacher, also with a 10 yo DS who still believes and a much younger one who we want to keep it going for - tricky. I absolutely will not let him go to high school still believing. It is. It’s very much spoken of there as a younger child thing, no attempt at pretending. But I also don’t want to have that chat with him and destroy the magic! I’m really hoping someone at school does it. I ask the other parents of his friends and they all say the same. We speak about Santa with a grin, waiting to see if we get a glimmer of knowing. But all of them seem to still believe! It’s quite a large primary in a small city too, so hardly sheltered. I think after this Christmas we will have a chat and explain it’s a magical thing we parents do, that we are Santa and we want him to be Santa with us to keep the magic going for his little brother. I think he will love doing it for his brother.

Ontopofthesunset · 30/10/2022 12:32

I thought most children just found out at school sort of naturally, as they discussed it with other children. That was certainly what happened to me. I can't remember a sudden realisation or moment of finding out; it was simply a gradually dawning understanding. I'm not sure whether our parents' generation (mind you, I'm in my mid 50s so I may be the same generation as many posters' own parents) put as much stock in 'keeping the myth alive' or 'the magic of Christmas'. I don't think my mother spent much time worrying about how we would find out - she just assumed we would.

Athenen0ctua · 30/10/2022 13:18

@Ontopofthesunset I'm in my late 30s and when I was a child I don't think any of my friends believed past age 8. I think parents expected that you would find out, and once you expressed doubts or heard something at school and questioned your parents then that was it. You were just told not to tell your younger siblings, no attempt to keep it going longer.

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 30/10/2022 15:28

My DS11 very much believed in Santa until recently, as his younger sister DD10 told him.

She's not believed in santa past about age 7, but its because she is just too logical, to be believe if that makes sense. She questions everything and needs proof all the time, so she figured it out early but didnt tell her brother till this year.

I think my other daughter, DD13 stopped believing around year 5 or 6 as it was discussed by the kids at school.

liveforsummer · 30/10/2022 15:34

He knows! Just leave it, he's not going to be insisting to his mates in high school that Santa and the tooth fairly are real.

TeenDivided · 30/10/2022 15:35

We used the tooth fairy (who was quite forgetful) and the 'Easter bunny' (that was seen on TV but we never talked about) to introduce the concept of the reality of FC. In the spring. Well away from Christmas.

TeenDivided · 30/10/2022 15:35

liveforsummer · 30/10/2022 15:34

He knows! Just leave it, he's not going to be insisting to his mates in high school that Santa and the tooth fairly are real.

He may well not know. Some children are just not questioning.

neighboursmustliveon · 30/10/2022 15:57

I got my older ds to tell his sister the summer hols before starting secondary school. She completely still believed and it was a shock for her. DS was questioning from age 7 and I think he was 8 when he worked it out so it was strange for us to have to tell a child.

SealSquish · 30/10/2022 16:03

My friends daughter is 9 and has figured out the Easter bunny / tooth fairy aren’t real. We are all assuming this will be her last ‘believing’ Christmas. My friend has already admitted that she is the elf on the shelf 🤣 and thought that was the moment of truth but then daughter said “well, Santa has lots of helpers doesn’t he” and she couldn’t say it to her!

she does have a little brother (aged 3) so friend is planning on bringing her into the magic and giving her special ‘grown up’ jobs to do next Xmas eg biting the carrot left out etc. I think by year 6 they pretty much all know, or at least suspect it! Lots of playground chatter.

Blanketpolicy · 30/10/2022 16:37

His classmates will have been talking about believing and not believing for a couple of years now. He already knows, just hasn't decided whether to admit it to himself yet.

I personally didn't see the need with ds to "tell the truth". Unless there is SEN involved that makes them vulnerable, let them use their own minds and developing powers of deduction to work it out themselves.

DrCoconut · 30/10/2022 16:56

I expect children who "believe" in FC at the top end of junior school are (assuming no additional needs and an average childhood in terms of contact with others) playing along with the idea. It's fun and magical and they aren't ready to be grownups yet so why not? But they don't literally think one man delivers toys to everyone in the world in a single night with a flying sleigh once their critical thinking develops beyond a certain point. Especially in such a well informed age with the internet and more access to facts than ever. I seriously doubt a discussion with friends or a lesson at secondary school will be their first inkling that something is off with FC, whatever they say. It will just play itself out naturally and he will decide for himself when he's ready. We still put stockings out even though no one really believes in Santa anymore.

Original poster
Raindancer411 · 30/10/2022 16:59

@Fivemoreminutes1 Yes he did but he hasn't lost a tooth for a while now... He still looked for the money the last time but it's probably a year ago...

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BiggerBoat1 · 30/10/2022 17:01

He probably doesn't really believe any more, but you definitely need to check with him before he starts secondary school. He'll get the piss ripped out of him for still believing and there is no reason why the teachers should, or would, pussy foot around it. They will assume none of the children still believe.

mam0918 · 30/10/2022 17:15

Unless your kid has quite severe learning difficulties they will logically know... knowing and believing are two completely different things though, believing is joy, whimsy and that little spark of something good in life.

Its like religion (which is what iltimately xmas is, if you dont believe god sent and angel to magically knock up a virgin who would birth a child to die for your sins then why are YOU celebrating? do we need to sit everyone down and patronisingly explain the story behind the fun isnt 100% factual) just let others enjoy themselves without shitting all over it as a know it all fact forcer.

Let face it everyone hates it when your excited to put up your tree or wrap gifts or go to the carolling just to have some twat remind you that 'it's all fake, trees are pagan and jesus wasnt born in december and it gone 'commercial' with gifts'... you never thank that person for shitting on your happiness so why do it to kids.

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