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Original poster

Older believers and school

51 replies

Raindancer411 · 30/10/2022 09:40

Now a bit off of the usual sharing good deals and ideas but I am wondering what others have done or planning to do.

My son is 10 and is due to go secondary next September. So far he still seems to believe (or at least tells us and acts like he does). He also has a lot younger sister.

Did you leave them to believe or did you say something before they started secondary?

I know he will be upset (he is very sensitive) when he finds out and I wish he could go on believing for as long as he likes, but I am worried he will be taken the mick out of. They still seem so young when going into year 7...

OP posts:
AmyandPhilipfan · 30/10/2022 17:17

People always say on these posts 'oh don't be daft, of course they don't believe, kids past 8 can't possibly still believe.'

Well they do. My two boys both believed until
11 when I told them for going into secondary. They weren't just pretending for me or anything, they honestly still believed.

I was quite pleased to tell them in the end. I think as kids get older it feels more like proper lying rather than a nice game like it feels when they're little.

Userno63673673636 · 30/10/2022 17:23

My sons 11 and in secondary and still believes but he is autistic with learning delays - trying to move him to a sen school. I'm just hoping he won't talk about Santa at school, santas not a huge deal in this house, he brings a few little bits in a stocking but most of the presents are from us as parents!

I would tell him but he would go and tell younger Dd straight away for sure! He doesn't get 'secrets'!

Whiterose23 · 30/10/2022 19:10

I presumed my eldest daughter at 11 didn’t believe and asked her for ideas for her stocking. She’d had doubts since she was 7 but hadn’t wanted to question it too much. She was fine but a little disappointed that the truth had finally been revealed.
My 10 year old has been having debates with her friends for a couple of years and is refusing to acknowledge Santa doesn’t come. Of course she knows deep down but I’m happy to go with the flow on this until she’s ready.

JanglyBeads · 30/10/2022 19:13

I genuinely thought this was going to be something to do with Christian belief...

80sMum · 30/10/2022 19:20

KenickiesHickey · 30/10/2022 09:50

Unless he’s been homeschooled up until now he will know. He’s probably not saying to the contrary because of his younger sister. He sounds like a lovely boy.

I agree! It's highly unlikely that a 10-year-old will not by now have been fully apprised of the situation!

But it's fun to pretend to believe in make-believe around younger children. I'm pretty sure that's what this little chap is doing.

TheaBrandt · 30/10/2022 19:23

They all know 😁. Kids often pretend not to for the parents sake …

Ship · 30/10/2022 19:30

My son is ten and has questioned Santa for years as he’s very logical. He didn’t fully accept the ‘it’s magic’ response to all his questions like ‘how do all the presents fit on the sleigh’ and ‘how can santa possibly have the time to visit everyone’ etc. A few weeks ago he asked me if Santas real and that he wanted me to be truthful so I was. His younger sister is less logical and I think will believe a bit longer but I would be telling her before high school if she still believed at 11 (I’d wait until after her last year 6 Christmas if I could get away with it). I’ve told my son we keep the magic going for his sister and his younger cousins etc and anyone else who might still believe in his class. It will be a weird Christmas this year with him knowing. I think it’ll be really sad when they both know!

peanutbutterontoast7 · 30/10/2022 19:54

This post makes me feel so sad. My son is 5 and he's just and so really getting into it now it's horrible to thing there will only be a few more years :(

I was so into Father Christmas when I was little, I was obsessed! Thinking of Christmas and all the magic and excitement my mum created is by far my favourite childhood memory. I think I knew Deep down for a couple years but didn't want to admit it. I told my mum I knew in year 6 I think. I remember telling her that I knew he wasn't real but I was going to believe in him anyway 🙈

AmyandPhilipfan · 30/10/2022 19:58

TheaBrandt · 30/10/2022 19:23

They all know 😁. Kids often pretend not to for the parents sake …

See? People always say this on these posts! It could well be that most children know. My children definitely didn't.

Original poster
Raindancer411 · 31/10/2022 02:04

Thanks for all your replies :) It felt like as a small kid it was forever I believed and I cannot remember when I realised or if I said anything. I love Christmas and enjoy finding that extra something special and peoples reaction/enjoyment. In reality the time they believe for is so short...

OP posts:
Moro93 · 31/10/2022 02:16

I remember being in primary school, somewhere between age 10-11 and the teacher just said to the class, ''You all know Santa isn't real by now right?'' I didn't, I remember the sinking feeling I got in my chest when she said it. I did have doubts for a couple of years and used to question things a lot, like why I found gifts in the cupboard, why I could hear them wrapping presents on Christmas Eve etc. My mum always had an answer and while I had my suspiciouns he might not have been real, I didn't realise how much I still believed until that day.

I went home and my mum still tried to talk me round, I was quite upset about it and angry, but not more so than I knew I was right and you lied to me. I still loved Christmas afterwards but it's never quite the same.

It is entirely possible for older children to still believe. There were was a lot of other children in the class looking shocked that day and one even started crying. The teacher got a few complaints, my mum being one of them 😂

I would try telling your child sooner rather than later OP. If they genuinely believe, it might be better coming from you than being told by someone else.

Moro93 · 31/10/2022 02:22

Just to add, I'm thinking my 6 and a half year old dd won't believe for much longer. She has autism and is very logical. We tried doing the elf when she was 4 and she said ''he's just a toy'' and picked him up. Last year she was questioning why there were so many Santas and why they all looked different, due to the grotto we took her to, a random person dressed as Santa walking around a shopping centre and the school using the janitor as their Santa and her recognising him 😂 I have a feeling this year might be her last believing and I don't really believe she will help hide it from her younger brother, she isn't great with secrets as she gets too excited!

BrownOwlknowsbest · 31/10/2022 02:36

My daughter was a late believer, so on the Christmas before her 11th birthday she received not only the usual stocking from Santa but also a letter from him. This said that because there are so many children in the world Santa is only able to deliver to primary school children, so next year Mum and Dad will be responsible for all the presents

Kanaloa · 31/10/2022 04:20

Has he never seen any of the many many films and TV shows and books where they show that Santa isn’t real? It’s never come up in conversation whatsoever?

If you genuinely think your 10 year old believes in stories as if they’re real life then of course tell him, in just the same way you presumably tell him Darren Shan isn’t really a vampire, it’s just a story that he’s a vampire. I’d be really shocked to meet a 10 year old who really genuinely believes Santa is real though. My dd is this age and she’s really young for her age in lots of ways but if we read a book or something together she is still aware that the story isn’t real. Ditto with fairies/monsters etc, she knows they’re myths and stories.

SpidersAreShitheads · 31/10/2022 04:58

My DC (twins) are 13 next month and they still believe. They're home educated now but were at school until COVID (y5). (Now home educated as there wasn't a suitable school for DD and DS would be distraught if she was home educated and he wasn't!)

However, they are both autistic. DS has high needs (he was in special school) and he's still very much like a little boy. DD is starting to doubt I think, but she's not sure. It's not just Father Christmas they still believe in, it's also the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy etc. They also believe in Elf on the Shelf. DS swears blind that he saw our Elf on the roof the night before he was due to arrive and I think that's helped to convince DD that it's all actually true!!

JanglyBeads · 31/10/2022 05:05

(Er many ten years olds will not have come cross Darren Shan's books yet, so I don't think that comparison works!)

theremustonlybeone · 31/10/2022 05:13

I wouldn’t say a thing. My DC believed longer than others and my DS believed until he was 12. I had brought them to realise that everyone loses there magics eventually and to expect to hear in the playground that some children don’t believe. So my DC didn’t discuss it. They all stopped believing at different ages but were older than most. I love Xmas so always made it very magical and my kids now older still love it

OrangePumpkinLobelia · 31/10/2022 05:15

My older one did not know. He is also quite young in himself and we had decided to tell him in the summer before secondary school began so he had time to get over it by Christmas! As it turned out he started asking questions himself around about then so it came up. I asked him to keep it a secret for his younger sibling and for other children as well which I believe he absolutely did.

My cousin on the other hand has 2 children exactly the same age as mine. I was not there as we live in a different country but there was a big family christmas with about 10 little ones. her older child (aged about 9) during the unwrapping of present time pursed his lips and announced; 'Granny does not think it is right to lie to children about Santa so I'm telling them Santa does not exist'. Cue utter carnage.

Not sure if Granny has been invited back to much after that.

But fwiw the topic came up when I was out for a mums drinks night at the end of year 6. Most said that their children still believed but that they would be told before starting Year 7. I thought that was the right sort of balance.

Fucket · 31/10/2022 05:20

I know a secondary maths teacher who told his year 7s the truth about Santa.

parents complained but he was unrepentant, he said kids travelling to school on their own needed to develop critical thinking skills. Kids needed to know adults lie, and they can be big lies that seem wonderful etc. he felt it was his duty to get year 7s to grow up a bit and develop some common sense.

So please be aware it’s not just the other students who might tell your child the truth.

TheaBrandt · 31/10/2022 06:28

Other children will have told them and as they get to older primary and do geography/science they realise it’s impossible. So they are likely protecting you from the fact they know so I really wouldn’t worry!

Rupertgrintismyguiltypleasure · 31/10/2022 06:39

when I was at high school the subject never came up, it was an obligatory ‘ what did you get for Christmas’ Santa wasn’t mentioned. As far as I’m aware it was the same for dsis18 and dbro15

ive never told DS 14 who has asd, I’ve always said if he asks me outright I’ll tell him. He’s asked loads of questions about the ins and outs but never actually asked the question. He just laughs now whenever he mentions Santa. Think he humours me and keeps quiet for his younger sister. He never discusses anything personal at school so doesn’t even tell people what he got for Christmas.
dd is 10 and still believes as far as I know...

Beanbagtrap · 31/10/2022 06:47

As an adult I can't say hand on heart Santa doesn't exist. Yes, I don't get presents, maybe I'm naughty AF.

Onthecuspofabreakthrough · 31/10/2022 06:59

My 10 year old still believes, though doubts are creeping in which I won't dispel.
My 16 year old claims to still believe, as this means she can ask for bigger presents than I could afford!

IhearyouClemFandango · 31/10/2022 07:04

My 12 year old still believes, I think. I wouldn't be surprised if she did know now and hadn't said anything, she's not much of a communicator. If she does, I expect that will not be the case for much longer.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/10/2022 08:22

My dd1 was coming up to 9 when she told me - in very matter of fact tones - that she knew Father Christmas was me and Daddy, so I might as well admit it.

So I did - with the usual warning about not spoiling it for younger sibling, or anyone else who still believed.

When she was in her early 20s she told me she’d been dying for me to deny it, so she could go on believing a little longer! (I do so wish I had!)

I dare say many kids are the same - their reason (and other kids) tell them it can’t possibly be true, so although they know deep down, they still want to keep the ‘belief’ going just a little longer.