Same number of gifts or same value spent

[BonnieBairn]

Morning,

I'm just wondering what others do for their kids for Christmas gifts. Do you make sure that each child has the same number of gifts irrespective of value or do you spend the same amount of money per child and number of gifts is different?

We have 3 kids 14, 9 and 8 and I find as they get older the value of items goes up so to for example try and spend the same amount on the 14 & 8yr old means the 8yr old could end up with a mountain of
Presents and some just for the sake of spending the same amount.

Thanks!

Mine are 14 and 10, I go for similar sized piles and try and give equivalent gifts.

Eg I usually wrap up clothes in a big Christmas box (reuse same ones every year). They don't cost equal amounts but both girls are happy as I choose things they want rather than necessarily need.

So this year dd1 wants some funko soda figures, these are quite small so I will wrap up a few in one of my larger boxes. Then dd2 will have her rainbow high dolls she wants which is a larger box and costs a bit more. DD1 wants some posca pens so dd2 will have harumika sets so they box have a creative gift.

I find it all evens out in the end neither feels hard done by as they get what they have asked for. And I find if I overbuy to even out the extras don't get used. It has taken me this long to get the balance right!!

I have five children ages 1-13 years. They let us know what they want, typically its much more expensive for the 13 year old than the others, and the items smaller. The youngest two don't ask for anything so they do get gifts but the spend is less, and typically they are bigger. What I do is try to keep the present piles (for want of a better word) the same sort of size as it would be impossible to make it seem fair on the same spend for all.

Luckily thanks to the Christmas board and Vinted, I have been able to get things they want cheaper so it looks like same spend too.

I think for the younger two who are so close in age I would aim for the same number of gifts. If the 14 year olds “ask” is an expensive item then I’d expect them to understand that their smaller number of gifts might cost as much as a whole pile of toys for a younger sibling.

We’ve never spent the same amount just for the sake of it but I think it evens out over time. Eg the year DS got a PlayStation as his main gift DD got a sewing machine as hers. They both had others to open too but the PS cost hundreds more than the sewing machine. This year DD is getting a laptop so the overall cost of her gifts will be higher than DSs (even if his looks bigger/bulkier).

As long as there isn’t regularly a massive disparity where one always asks for and gets something expensive and one only asks for (and only gets) colouring pencils I wouldn’t overthink it.

Under 10 ish we tried to match pile size after that we just bought more or less what they asked for + a few extras , they are now both in their 20s and we still don’t price match for Christmas or birthdays and it’s never been an issue .

Mine are going to be 15, 9, 6 and 3. We go for similar size piles as it's become impossible at this point to spend the same. One piece of new equipment for teens hobby for example could purchase 2-3 toys for the toddler if we spent the same amount.

Although some years it may be neither. Now we are at the iPad and console stages. But the older ones do understand that if they ask for something very expensive then they won't get as much as the others.

Although saying that toddler now gets toys relating to her SEN needs and they can be expensive in themselves. So it probably be neither this year. And we will just purchase what they ask for and what they need within reason.

Number of gifts without a doubt

We go for equal number of gifts, but don't match value as @AbsolutelyNebulous has said, it evens out over time. Eg When DD1 started secondary school, she got a new laptop. We didn't spend that on DD2 that year but when DD2 started secondary, she got her laptop then.

If needs be we can double up presents if needed eg if I need less presents I could put together the top and jeans as one present, of if I need more, then I could separate them out as two.

Same number of presents.

I do try to spend roughly the same, and usually manage it within £50.

My kids are 13, 11 & 10. DS11 likes lego and video games so his list is always more pricey. DD13 like art so hers is usually cheaper.

Same number of presents.

Eldest is 14, youngest 5. My 5 year old would have absolute mounds of stuff if I spent the same on him as the eldest!

We do number of gifts

I have tried to do both. Number is most important as mine are 2 and 5 so don't really have a clue about cost, but I have tried to match costs pretty closely as well.

Stockings have worked out nicely - same number of gifts and only 20p difference in the cost. Although a lot of the things are the same for both of them.

Both, say if budget is £200 each and younger dc get 5 pressies for that but elder dc wants a gift at £180 id get 4 stocking filler type gifts to pad out.

Neither. Mine are almost 4 years apart. Some years 1 gets a bigger spend other years it will be the other, it depends on needs. I have never counted presents for equality. I do try to balance as I buy for stockings. Last year older 1 had a laptop, she knows that this year it will be smaller gifts. Younger one has missed several school trips due to covid, she wants to go on the fun one next summer, so that’s her main gift.

I do both the same number and same £ amount spent. Never found it remotely hard to balance and I have 3 kids aged from 14 down to 1 year old so a wide spread of ages its just basic finacial spreadsheeting.

If you read 'worst gifts you ever got' threads (my guilty pleasure) you will see them riddled with kids who CLEARLY noticed their brother got a big budget gadget worth hundreds and they got a cheap doll and some clothes worth like £30 and they are still pissed 20 years on - they DID notice and they always claim their parents (usually who they swear are narcassists) insist it all 'evens out' though it never did and just left resentment.

I just couldn't feel decent in myself if I spent £500 on one kid, £80 on the other and £20 on the other and I just couldnt justify it to myself that my toddler doesnt understand value and my baby wont remember so they 'don't matter as much'.

@mam0918 my adult kids seriously don’t care who gets what spent on them , they are both aware and I’ve spoken to them about it in the past . I would assume the people you are referring to are ones who had parents where there was an obvious favourite child .

Number of gifts. Dosnt have to be exact as long as it looks similar.

I think money spent on kids over the years evens itself out, even if it dosnt, I don’t think it matters as long as the DCs are happy.

Agree @Floralnomad as the least favourite child, it has nothing to do with what’s spent on us at Christmas and everything to do how children are treat throughout their lives. If your being treat differently to your siblings of course you are going to notice the difference in presents as it’s just another thing being done differently. I would never have noticed the difference in what I got compared to my siblings, had I been treat the same way as them in every other part of my life. I admit Christmas was always very noticeable, not because of money but because every year they got exactly what they wanted, where I didn’t. I don’t even think my stuff was cheaper, more my wishes were ignored.

One of my DCs has had a lot less spent on her every year for the last 4/5 years, but her face Christmas Day and after tells me she’s absolutely happy with what she’s got as she has got everything she’s asked for and more.

My 4 Dc are all under 8 so I tend to keep the amounts the same but it’s not always exact. Value can differ too depending on what is asked for, wanted etc. They all get things they ask for and would like along with a few surprises. I remember sulks & rows over present numbers as a kid at Christmas as my brothers got less, they were a lot older than me. I got cheaper but more, they got less but more expensive stuff.

We set a rough budget per child. Whether that buys one or many gifts depends on what they asked for.

I’d never come across the concept of the number of gifts until I read Harry Potter. And Dudley’s reaction sealed the reason why I’d not go down that route.

If you read 'worst gifts you ever got' threads (my guilty pleasure) you will see them riddled with kids who CLEARLY noticed their brother got a big budget gadget worth hundreds and they got a cheap doll and some clothes worth like £30 and they are still pissed 20 years on - they DID notice

That's a very extreme example though - gadget vs cheap doll.

My dc are 14, 12 and 5. The eldest two get far more spent on them but my 5 year old isn't crying in a corner playing with empty boxes 🙄

This year the older two are both getting x boxes. £450 each (bloody ouch). Youngest is getting a freestanding basketball hoop and ball as his main gift, which he's desperate for - a fairly impressive looking one that cost £79.

Without doubt on Xmas morning dc3's main gift, all set up, will have masses more wow factor than the older two with their smallish wrapped boxes!

Mine usually get a main present, a secondary present and some books from us so I suppose I do match number of gifts although my first instinct was that I didn’t!

In the same way I didn’t think I matched amount spent particularly but actually we do have a rough budget of between 40 and 80 for a main present and under 20 for the secondary. We’re not absolutely strict on this though, if what they wanted was £100 they’d probably get it.

If my teenagers want something expensive they get cash and have to save/ask other family members for money towards it. I’ve been told I’m tight on so many of these threads!!

Also agree with this, ILs insist on spending the exact same amount on everyone so if what one person wants is £15 rather than £20 they make us find something else to “make it fair” or give cash to top it up. I think it’s fair without doing this because they’ve each got what they wanted.

I also have no problem spending more on my older kids than the younger ones because they had plenty of budget Christmasses when they were younger!

We do number of gifts, I have 7 between 16 - 1. The 16 year olds pile is a lot smaller as he likes computer games which are tiny compared to the younger ones toys who are all in big boxes, but they never question it

I have never counted the number of gifts or balanced out the amounts. Both boys get some of the things they ask for and a few surprises. They have never sat there comparing piles as yet and they are 12 and 9.

Neither, over their childhood they had very similar but individual years I tailored to needs eg a laptop, bike, phone or instrument for one or other due to need, another year the other would get a bigger gift and so on. Younger one in a way did better as got hand me downs in addition