What to buy DS's girlfriend ?

[oobeedoobee]

I have a 24yr old DS, who has just moved in with his girlfriend of over a year.

She seems lovely, but I hardly know her as she used to live 150 miles away.

Our conversations have all been 'small talk', and that's not likely to change for a while, as they're spending their 'free' time on their new flat.

So, I have no idea what she likes/dislikes etc, no clue about what kind of perfume/candles/clothing she likes, so can't even choose a nice scarf & gloves with a nice candle etc ?

As an aside, my DS is very vocal if he thinks I've got a gift 'wrong' (for him) and tells me sternly not to 'guess' and always ask people for what they want, because otherwise it's just a 'waste of money' ! ( He's high functioning ASD, so doesn't really understand the whole 'it's the thought that counts' idea ? And he says any kind of voucher simply 'ties' you to where you can spend it, so cash is better.)

Any ideas guys ? I really don't want to give cash as a first Xmas gift to my potential DIL ?

Why are you letting him dictate gifts? He’s left home he doesn’t have a say.

I would buy her something simple like a hat and gloves set and some nice chocolates.

Maybe her ideas will rub off on him and he’ll start to be grateful.

Ask your son what she might like.

Also tell him to stop being a spoilt brat.

I buy for my similar aged DS’s girlfriend. This year I am making a hamper style present with mini prosecco, nice candle , bubble bath, face mask, hand cream, chocolates and a book voucher .i figure there will be something among that she will like!

Ask him what she might like.

Ask her what she would like, are you likely to see her in the next couple of months? Could you text her? My DHs family are list circulating people which on one hand really stresses me out, coming up with ideas, but on the other saves getting the wrong thing. My MIL would rather get me something specific I actually want rather than filler stuff.

Just get something generic like a bubble bath set or manicure set, or scarf and gloves, or chocolates or book tokens?

Your son sounds very rude actually. Don't let him use ASD for having no manners.

I get what your son means (and I’m not ASD). I just don’t like others wasting their hard earned and much needed cash on things I’m not needing. It seems such a waste.

Id ask him what he wants and what she’d like. If his answer is ‘nothing’, I’d be telling him it’s the social norm to give presents and if I don’t get told what I will buy other stuff so you’d best tell me or you’ll end up with things that I think you’d like that perhaps you don’t like! It’s up to you. Ransoms or stuff you’d like.

Randoms.

I’d get something that can be exchanged, and enclose a gift receipt with a note saying ‘feel free to exchange if this isn’t quite right’. Eg hat/scarf/gloves from M&S or Superdry. Also if you have a nice photo of them together, you could put it in a clear tree bauble or a little frame.

A generic scarf/gloves/candle gift is a waste of money.

I would get a voucher, probably ASOS for a woman in her 20s, or possibly Amazon.

Perfume
Adventure day
Afternoon tea ( maybe for you and her)
Wine or fine or whatever she drinks

As a few people have suggested, a bit of a hamper; some chocolates, or nice hot chocolate, bath stuff and a good pair of winter socks. Book voucher would also go really nice with all that. A cosy winter theme for January.
Xx

Definitely not hat and scarf. It’s highly likely she already has these. I wouldn’t do bath stuff/makeup/etc., if you don’t know if she uses them. Can you ask your son what she’s like? Does she like a specific whiskey/wine/chocolates etc. definitely not an afternoon tea that she has to spend with her boyfriend’s mum - that sounds the opposite to a present!! I can’t tell you all the hot chocolate/bath stuff/generic ‘lady’ gifts I’ve had to give away, I agree with your son, it’s a waste of money, it feels more impersonal than cash (at least that’s useful and not a material waste). Do they like the cinema, going out for dinner, theatre?

I like the idea of afternoon tea, or cinema vouchers, etc there must be loads to look at in their area.

Quite often here, parents buy the meal out or panto - or treat them to annual passes for loca attractions rather than physical gifts

Do they need something for the flat?
Would a joint useful present work?

For her age group I'd get an ASOS voucher and stick to to a large bar of chocolate
Well received by my DS's GF

Stick it to

Dont do that
No-one wants a hat and glove set

Ask him what she wants

I couldn't agree more. And also with the hamper ideas. It is the thought that counts but there's no thought in generic "women" gifts.

I do agree that your DS is being rude (while acknowledging the ASD). I'd ask him for some ideas and point out this is the perfect way to combine the surprise element whilst avoiding waste. If he needs prompting: does she drink anything in particular (at home, rather than out - for me personally gin is something I drink when I'm out, for at home I'd rather a good bottle of red)? Is there a luxury bath product she uses (rituals for example)? Does she like house plants? Is she into anime/fitness/cars/music?

If you do end up going down the generic route, and I get why it happens, I would go for one good thing rather than a selection of cheaper things. One decent bottle of wine (can be regifted in a way one of those individual bottles of prosecco never could!). A really lovely wool blanket rather than a fleece one from Dunelm. A hand made, gorgeously glazed mug rather than a "funny" one off amazon.

I give my son out law (now in law) the same amount of cash as I give my children. I then get him the same value of gifts.

Does she also have ASD?

It isnt being rude, it is being honest. My DS once got 12 deodorant/shower wash/boots 3 for 2 crap sets as a teenager. By the end he was only feeling the packets and saying the obligatory (taught) thanks. He totally failed to understand why anyone would see these as a gift ie something he would want and enjoy and they are totally functional items to him (so like giving him loo roll). I have to say that I rather agree with him, he would rather get nothing than something he doesnt want as well.

Also agree of the hamper of crap- lets not have 1 cheap unwanted item but 10.

I ended up buying a gift that ds may have benefitted from too - a Cineworld gift box (2 tickets plus drink or popcorn) last year and this year I will probably go for a takeaway voucher like Just Eat/Uber Eats/Deliveroo or for a chain restaurant near them like Nando's

I'd buy her an Oodie. Not a cheap copy though. DSs girlfriend loves the one I bought her.

Get her on WhatsApp and just say you'd like to get her something for Christmas and you wondered whether she had any kind of wish list.

Aren't they like £60? That's way out of a lot of peoples budgets