Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

What are you giving your 15 year old girl?

40 replies

ADecadeAndAHalf · 20/09/2022 19:54

Looking for in the region of £25-35. Needs to be something physical- last time I sent money she wasn't allowed to spend it and when I sent a voucher it didn't get to her. I don't know what she's into because whenever I ask suggestions are invariably reference books for school work. She is not allowed to ask for anything. Her only hobby is something her family is heavily involved in. I need something frivolous and fun but serious enough to get past her parents and be allowed to keep.

OP posts:
ParentallyUnprepared · 20/09/2022 20:59

Her parents sound awful.

Arenanewbie · 20/09/2022 21:05

Can you give us a bit more info: is she sporty, likes art or music, outdoorsy, into reading, loves clothes, baking, knitting?

Gazelda · 20/09/2022 21:07

Has she got an email address? You can email vouchers.

Otherwise, perfume, or a photo frame or silk pillowcase, handbag, jewellery, fun socks, good quality watercolour paints, fancy shower gel, voucher to meet up with you for afternoon tea, terrarium, lava lamp ...

Chattycathydoll · 20/09/2022 21:08

ParentallyUnprepared · 20/09/2022 20:59

Her parents sound awful.

That depends on why they’re excluding OP, I have people who would say the same about me re DD but I have very good reason to not want them buttering her up with gifts that get snuck past me…

I wonder what the full story is here.

AliceMcK · 20/09/2022 21:14

Put the money in an escape fund for when she can get away from her parents, they sound awful.

Its hard without knowing more details about her likes and what’s she’s allowed.

HauntersGonnaHaunt · 20/09/2022 22:46

Her only hobby is something her family is heavily involved in
Is it a cult?

TheBeesKnee · 20/09/2022 22:48

Err perhaps a referral to social services? Confused

Fifiellz · 20/09/2022 22:50

Mine would appreciate a Lush bath bomb gift set but they are all different

IScreamMonday · 20/09/2022 22:50

Something like a bubble tea set?

Original poster
ADecadeAndAHalf · 21/09/2022 05:28

She does have email but I'm not allowed it. Sibling is a controlling cunt. DN didn't know that you could e.g. still be a nice person and not go to church. The look on her face when she found out my two DC have never been to church... There is no more reason than sibling has always been the golden one and allowed to do whatever they want whenever they want. As I have always pushed back, I am the scapegrace and therefore an undesirable influence. Scales have started to fall from P's eyes since DN came along but any criticism or attempt to intervene and DN is kept from her GP's for a month or two.

@Arenanewbie sibling has a hatred of sports so even if she was, she wouldn't do any. She is very restricted on what type of music is allowed, I have tried that in the past. Ditto sibling is not outdoorsy. I try to avoid books as gifts, I want her to have something a bit more frivolous. She has enough books. She is allowed to bake at her GP's. I'm not sure she has a choice of clothes, but maybe that could work.

@AliceMcK They have got worse as she gets older. After DH saw them last, he (half) joked we'll find her on our doorstep one day...

@Chattycathydoll I don't want to butter her up Confused I don't want anything from her. I want her to have something frivolous that other her age would be allowed!

OP posts:
IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 21/09/2022 06:07

Poor kid. Is she musical? Would a ukulele be suitably serious/fun?

Kinderbuenos · 21/09/2022 08:25

Send a pair of Nike black leggings. Almost every teen wears them

Doingprettywellthanks · 21/09/2022 08:37

This is very bafflingly

Do you have any contact with her whatsoever?

Doingprettywellthanks · 21/09/2022 08:37

I want her to have something frivolous that other her age would be allowed!

if a voucher “didn’t get to her”, why do you think anything else would?

Saisong · 21/09/2022 08:45

Is she arty? My 15yo loves Posca Pens and sketch books. She spends all her spare money on them.

Your poor DN though, sounds like a miserable situation. At 15 they are just starting to find out who they are and finding their own voice to speak out (if mine is anything to go by). It won't be long before she might think of making her own move - perhaps you can signal that you are there for her support?
.

Original poster
ADecadeAndAHalf · 21/09/2022 09:02

@Doingprettywellthanks it didn't get to her because her mother spent it. She can't spend "something" which is why I don't want to send money or a voucher. I speak to her occasionally when she's at her GP's.

OP posts:
Arenanewbie · 21/09/2022 09:08

I think something arty would be good in this situation because you can express yourself , you can do this on your own and it’s not too frivolous ( from parents point of view) Lots of girls this age would like make up, nails polish, bath bombs but these things might not reach your niece due to parents attitude whereas art is different, it’s a school subject essentially.

Arenanewbie · 21/09/2022 09:13

You don’t want to rock the boat in this situation and make things more difficult. She will leave school soon and it changes a lot.
I agree with @Saisong your main message should be “I’m always here for you, if you need something or want to talk or whatever I’m always here any time of the day and night. “

BonjourBonheur · 21/09/2022 09:19

Would she be allowed bath bombs? Frivolous but pretty harmless.

Does she read? So many novels I can think of deal with young women opening their eyes to the narrow structures of their society. Do her parents control her reading?

Also it’s not clear to me from your post whether she’s just having a stricter upbringing than average or whether there’s some kind of abuse going on. I’ve assumed the former but if it’s the latter, give social services a call.

EstellaHanclay · 21/09/2022 09:33

Could you book her and yourself tickets to the ballet or a theatre show or something else that her parents would allow her to go to. Book a specific date that will probably sell out and only gift her one ticket. Keep the other ticket yourself so you can give her the lovely gift of a day out without her controlling parents around.

Original poster
ADecadeAndAHalf · 21/09/2022 09:43

@EstellaHanclay nice idea but I wouldn't be allowed to take her anywhere. Maybe her GM would be able to though, I'll ask.

@BonjourBonheur she does read but I don't know how closely her books are vetted. If you have any good titles I could get some and hide them on the bookshelves at her GP's next time I'm there Grin I'd imagine that any book coming directly from me would be vetted. Unfortunately, I think it would just be classified as a much stricter upbringing than average.

And no, I don't want to make things awkward for her. That's not fair on her.

OP posts:
Saisong · 21/09/2022 09:54

Ooh how about LED rope lights or fairy lights? They have been very popular with that age group for a few years - they all have them in their rooms.
Also popular are colourful fleecy throws and big velvet cushions on their beds.
An adjustable LED desk lamp with dimmer is a slightly less frivolous (but very useful) suggestion.

Doingprettywellthanks · 21/09/2022 10:31

Do you speak to your parents about the situation?

Original poster
ADecadeAndAHalf · 21/09/2022 12:25

🤣🤣my word is worth nothing in my family. One is not permitted to criticise the golden one. However, they are slowly starting to notice what I've spend the past 30 years saying, is true. Sadly only now that it affects DN and themselves (as they begin to suffer effects of old age).

OP posts:
Doingprettywellthanks · 21/09/2022 13:20

Goodness I would not want my children around such enabling grandparents that see me, their mother, as the black sheep in the family