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Original poster

DD5 - questioning Father Christmas' existence

40 replies

Throwawaytoday · 29/08/2022 23:27

I worked out that FC didn't exist age about 5 - my parents did all they could to make Christmas magic, and they certainly didn't tell me - but even at that age I was a complete cynic.

This week DD has been questioning it - last week it was the Tooth Fairy, and she just said "mummy, I know the tooth fairy is just you and dad!" I queried how she 'knew' this and she said that "if something doesn't make sense, it's probably a lie". Fair.

Today:

DD: "tell me the truth does Father Christmas exist?"
Me: "what do you think, I mean, you met him last year, did he feel like the real Santa?"
DD: "well yes, but it could have been an actor"
Me: "well Christmas is the most magical time of year, so if there are magical things, Christmas is the time to expect them".

Question: do I tell her, yes, she's right - and try to bring her into keeping the secret from all her pals. Or do I bare-faced lie to her to keep a little bit more magic alive for a little longer?

Notably: though I worked it out very young, I still LOVED and continue to LOVE Christmas, it really IS magic to me, even aged 44.

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 29/08/2022 23:30

You’ve got a clever girl there!

Pallisers · 29/08/2022 23:33

I'd just punt it down the line as you've been doing. Don't say outright "no santa doesn't exist" but don't tell her outright that he does either. I dodged this for years. We weren't heavy handed with Santa but went along with it without too much of oh look at the hoofprints stuff. It worked for us and even now (youngest is 21) we all get presents from santa in our stockings.

Original poster
Throwawaytoday · 29/08/2022 23:37

Hopefully she'll do what I did, and kinda play along, realising that it's definitely implausible, but it's nice and 'magical' none the less.

The "If something doesn't make sense it's probably a lie" came directly from me - BUT 2 bloody years ago. She was in 3 and a bit, and was trying her hand at lying. I caught her out in probably the least convincing lie I'd ever heard and used something like those words.

Of course she logged it :-D

OP posts:
Lysianthus · 29/08/2022 23:47

I guess you missed the opportunity to say "well this isn't the real Santa, because it's not Xmas eve" which is what I used to say to deflect....but I guess each to their own. We've all tried to keep the magic going as long as we could. But as soon as they "know", it's usual to explain why it's important to keep it secret for the sake of the younger children.
And as I write this, I realise how ridiculous it is to be encouraging children to lie, and yet we adults are guilty of this at Christmas ! What a pickle, eh?

Original poster
Throwawaytoday · 29/08/2022 23:58

Before we 'met' Santa last Christmas I gave the due diligence warning that it could be "one of his helpers as he's so busy this time of year"... but he was a convincing one (real beard, good outfit) and had a convincing (but human sized) Grand Master Elf helper (which, when she asked, I explained as "the Grand Master Elf is human-sized so he can help Father Christmas better, the normal elves are smaller").

I tied myself up in knots to keep the magic alive. But, as I say, she's a cynic, raised by cynics - she is VERY hard to trick.

But yes, the first thing we said about the Tooth Fairy was that it was important she kept the secret for her friends, so they could have the magic a little longer.

I'm hoping that she might just forget the Father Christmas one, or pretend to, for a year or two. She won''t forget, she NEVER forgets.

By the way, this isn't a stealth boast, she is educationally normal, she's just quick to question things that don't quite make sense.

OP posts:
ChristmasCwtch · 30/08/2022 08:24

I think you keep the mystery. No way can a 5 year keep a big secret. And when she goes to school and tells her friends “the truth”, parents like me will cry and secretly curse you 😂

Annieisalright · 30/08/2022 08:28

I'd personally keep putting it off as long as you can

As you have already

But if she outright asks again and pushes for a simple yes or no answer, I wouldn't lie

My eldest started questioning Santa around the same age, that will teach me for letting him watch judge Judy with me when he was younger (he'd often repeat the 'if something doesn't smell right it's usually wrong' and 'you're in my playpen now' lines Blush)

RudsyFarmer · 30/08/2022 08:34

I’ve managed this by saying that once you stop believing the magic ends. So kind of left it up to them.

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 30/08/2022 08:37

Just be truthful

I never understand why parents lie to their kids about this

My kids have never believed in Santy Claus

SNWannabe · 30/08/2022 08:39

You’ve kind of not answered her by asking what she thought and mentioning magic. But to be fair if she asks outright again then I’d answer truthfully. It’s about respect imo and she sounds like a smart cookie so you may lose the respect from her later when she realises you lied when she asked.
You are not responsible for what other people believe and for my non-Santa believing children they just found the Santa hype a bit bewildering and only voiced their opinion when pushed eg when other kids wanted to prove Santa was real and make them admit it too. Which didn’t happen often and aided learning opportunities to discuss that people believing different things doesn’t mean anyone is necessarily wrong.

Starlight86 · 30/08/2022 09:42

So my answer to my children, and my mums answer is still to this day " well i believe"

Im sure they will stop believing soon but i want to keep it alive for as long as possible therefor will never tell them the truth 😂

Original poster
Throwawaytoday · 30/08/2022 11:29

Annieisalright · 30/08/2022 08:28

I'd personally keep putting it off as long as you can

As you have already

But if she outright asks again and pushes for a simple yes or no answer, I wouldn't lie

My eldest started questioning Santa around the same age, that will teach me for letting him watch judge Judy with me when he was younger (he'd often repeat the 'if something doesn't smell right it's usually wrong' and 'you're in my playpen now' lines Blush)

Exactly that, we've brought them up to be suspicious ;-) mind you - in my new glasses I like to think I look a bit like Judge Judy (different hair).

OP posts:
Original poster
Throwawaytoday · 30/08/2022 11:32

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 30/08/2022 08:37

Just be truthful

I never understand why parents lie to their kids about this

My kids have never believed in Santy Claus

I think parents largely lie about it for two reasons:

  1. not to ruin it for other kids and their parents
  2. not to spoil the 'magic' for our own child

The thing with Christmas 'magic' is that it IS REAL, in that I can think about Christmas at any time of year and feel that bubble of excitement and anticipation, and the sparkly wonder of it all - and that is a magical feeling.

I feel like DD is too young to understand that magic doesn't have to be literal magic to feel magical, which is why I want to preserve it for a little longer.

Equally I don't like to lie directly to her (or anyone). I certainly don't want to break her trust for the sake of a myth.

OP posts:
Justjoinedforthis · 30/08/2022 11:32

I think if they say "tell the truth" that's the time to, otherwise it turns from fun to just lying.

TambourineOfRepentance · 30/08/2022 11:38

I don't remember ever properly believing in it, I just accepted it as a nice story at Christmas. It didn't mean I enjoyed it any less. If she's already pretty much figured it out and is asking you to tell her the truth then there's no reason to keep pretending. It would be for your benefit, not hers.

vroom321 · 30/08/2022 11:43

Aw 5 is too young not to believe. Try to hold out. Say the Santas in the shops aren't the real one as Santa doesn't have the time. Either say they help him or tell her the truth, they are just men dressing up to entertain the kids.

vroom321 · 30/08/2022 11:44

You're not lying to your kid if you say Santa is real. You're making their childhood magical.

Justjoinedforthis · 30/08/2022 12:00

I never had Santa and my childhood Christmases was magical, same with my children. The magic of Christmas for children is the presents!

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 30/08/2022 12:02

If she has asked you to tell the truth, how can you justify lying to her?

My DS and I had this conversation (including the "Tell me the truth Mummy" bit) when he was 5 too. I told him the truth and he then proceeded to pretend he believed in Father Christmas for the next 5 years - presumably to secure his sack of presents.

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 30/08/2022 12:06

vroom321 · 30/08/2022 11:44

You're not lying to your kid if you say Santa is real. You're making their childhood magical.

You are literally lying

countrygirl99 · 30/08/2022 12:06

Your child is developing a valuable skill that will help her entire life. Bring her in to the secret, make it fun for her to play along with the believers yo give them pleasure. Make it a point of pride for her to be sceptical but kind. Show her you are proud both of her working it out and going along with the magic for others benefit. If you have younger DC let her help make things like reindeer tracks etc.

FidginSpinnins · 30/08/2022 12:23

You know your child best. If she wants to believe or not. I just say "well I believe in magic!" Because I do!

And if she's not having it, and actually wants to know, then tell her. Santa the man who visits houses isn't a real thing, but it's nice to be part of the fun, presents, surprises etc. Different families believe in different things.

And even if she's not a big secret keeper, and goes straight to school and says "my mammy Santa isnt real" then it's fine. My DS (5) has Hindu and Muslim friends, he knows they don't believe in father Christmas.

We're C of E and he knows we believe in God in our way and they believe in God in their way, he rationed it out the same way himself for FC 🎅😁

Starlight86 · 30/08/2022 12:25

SimonAndGarthsUncle · 30/08/2022 12:06

You are literally lying

Show quote history

Uch away you go. Its not a bad lie!!!!

Its meant to be magical, which is what childhood is all about!!!! Let them have that magic even if it is a wee lie.

AlternativelyWired · 30/08/2022 12:35

I still believe and I'm 46.

snugglyblanket · 30/08/2022 12:36

But of course FC & Christmas magic are real. Christmas magic is really about the feeling of excitement & wonder you get that you can't really explain, not flying reindeer. And FC isn't a physical person but everyone working together to create that feeling, so essentially we are all FC 😂 .My teen still absolutely loves being "inside" the magic and helping to create that feeling, so do I! (She also still wants her letter from Santa because she loves the tradition).
5 is very young and I'd be tempted to drag it out a bit by giving vague answers because I think most kids tend to question before they are ready to stop believing, especially when you get non-believers telling others at school. But once they are ready, then there are ways to keep the magic while letting go of the jolly old man image.