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Original poster

'Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days' Benjamin Franklin

44 replies

SocialConnection · 27/12/2021 15:10

Apparently Franklin said this. Or similar. Or quoted it. I've also heard it attributed to Vikings! Anyway. The thing is ...

Has anyone had people staying, or stayed with rellies, for 3 days plus, and wished it was longer?

I think three days is great because it's long enough to catch up, do things, go places, have conversations, and not long enough for irritations to build.

But any longer and it feels like you or they have moved in - but can't get on with real life, like being stuck in limbo, where you may not have your own space or stuff to retreat to.

What do you think - does the fish thing strike a chord for you?

OP posts:
VickyEadieofThigh · 27/12/2021 15:22

3 days is our limit for hosting and staying - we both cannot tolerate either situation longer than that.

When we lived abroad, friends would come for a week or more. Just over halfway through their stay we wanted to kill them, however lovely they were. I think this feeling grows worse as you age - we used to really look forward to friends visiting and now don't care if they never stay again.

actiongirl1978 · 27/12/2021 15:26

I find 24hrs is the sweet spot. More than that and I'm crawling the walls when people visit.

We never stay with people. I hate having to adapt to someone else's environment.

KleineDracheKokosnuss · 27/12/2021 15:51

I like 48 hours. Currently on day three and glad to be leaving tomorrow.

Skinnydecafflatte · 27/12/2021 16:24

We’re on day 7 of MIL being here (2 days to go) she’s nice enough but I’ve heard every story 3 or 4 times already this visit. And she watches a lot of shit tv (I watch shite but she brings it to a new level!). She was last here for 10 days at the beginning of December so it’s not like we haven’t seen her for ages. She goes on 29th. DH has arranged for friends to come on 30th and they go back on 2nd.
All I want to do is lie on the sofa in my leggings and drink the copious quantity of alcohol I bought and watch shite Xmas tv. That’ll be my day on the 3rd before work on the 4th.
I loved Covid for not having guests. I’m a good host I think but need my own space. Currently waiting on pcr test for DH so we we may get lucky and New Years visitors will not happen 🤞🏻😁

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/12/2021 16:27

When we go to DH’s family, two nights is my limit. Any more than that and I’m completely losing my mind.

SilverGlassHare · 27/12/2021 16:42

My two lots of guest left yesterday, after three days and two days respectively. I could have put up with the second lot for another day but was delighted to see the back of the first guests! Mind you, the second lot who’d only stayed two nights are a lot more helpful and muck in, they don’t expect to be waited on hand and foot.

Sunshineboo · 27/12/2021 16:56

i agree with this. my in laws are down for 8 nights and even with the Christmas unusualness it's far too long.

3 nights i would be really happy and sad to see them go. isn't that how we all want it to be?

as it is i will dance when my fil leaves tomorrow. and it makes me feel like an utter bitch

Notcontent · 27/12/2021 17:39

Yes, this is very true. I am ok with having my parents staying for much longer and us staying with them because we are quite close and can just relax and continue with normal life. But anyone else I struggle with.

CaveMum · 27/12/2021 17:47

A work colleague used a similar phrase - milk and relatives go off after 3 days. Couldn’t agree more! Just had my parents to stay for 4 days and my word it’s hard work. They are “do nothing” kind of people - happy to just sit on the sofa watching crap tv while we’ve got 2 very active children who were practically feral after 48 hours cooped up in the house!

They’ve always been that way, I remember growing up all we did was watch tv - we never went anywhere, just the occasional visit to the local park or a weekend at my aunt’s house. It was a whole new world when I got together with DH and we started visiting places at weekends, having guests over for dinner, going out to restaurants “just because”!

Ohyesiam · 27/12/2021 17:49

To me that’s a v generous estimate.

Malariahilaria · 27/12/2021 17:58

I am staggered at the volume of posters on MN recently who put up with miserable Christmasses and having people to stay they can't bear or staying in other people's homes they feel uncomfortable in. Just say no people!

sparklemagicsnow · 27/12/2021 22:55

Nope, one night stay only thanks! Either being a guest or hosting, 24 hours is enough for me.

If we're visiting someone for longer I'd rather stay in a hotel.

Xiaoxiong · 27/12/2021 23:07

We stay with family (or they stay with us) for at least 10 days in the summer and at Christmas, no point in making it shorter as they are long haul flights away and scattered among different countries so we all gather in one place. I have one aunt who is an amazing host but a nightmare guest, another aunt who is the opposite and is a harpy when on her own turf but lovely when someone else is making decisions for her. My mum and I can cohabit for 3 days happily, 5 days civilly, a week and we are speaking through gritted teeth and after that all bets are off.

So we have various strategies to mitigate, including renting an air b&b (even for just a few days), inviting along family friends or one or two of my DH's family so everyone is on best behaviour in front of outsiders and we can't rake up old scores. Another good one is after 3-4 days we travel somewhere else en masse so we're not on anyone's turf and no one has to host. My brother and I also leave our respective kids with our parents for a night or two here and there so they get time with the kids without us around (their request, they call us backseat drivers) and we go off somewhere for a night in a b&b and a lovely dinner.

ShanghaiDiva · 27/12/2021 23:16

We lived overseas for 25 years and a week was my limit, but when it’s a 20 hour trip door to door it seems churlish to limit visits to seven days.
The first few days are okay, but stories then start to get repeated, advice is doled out and I want to scream.

Veryverycalmnow · 27/12/2021 23:29

24 hours is plenty

whyohwhyohwhyohwhywhy · 27/12/2021 23:57

24h is plenty

123rd · 28/12/2021 00:05

I would stay one night and only invite others for one night

Porcupineintherough · 28/12/2021 06:57

We have family abroad so when we see them it is for 7-10 days but it doesnt happen very often.

Totalwasteofpaper · 28/12/2021 07:28

This is something I subscribe to wholeheartedly

If visiting I like an absolute max 2 full days, 2 nights, depart post breakfast day 3. Generally I arrive for dinner on day 1, full day 2 departing in evening or am departure day 3 latest.

Short and sweet with max fun.

My mil and DH don't seem to share this and at her requests for long malingering trips despite it only being a 4 hour trip go unchallenged

I hit breaking point earlier this year so now do nothing to facilitate it as i don't see why I should make an effort when it's totally nonreciprocal. she doesn't care about my wants or needs at all. Comes at inconvenient times, empty handed expecting to be dined out and entertained totally at our expense.

I do no prep, minimal hosting, stopped organising nice things and ensure I leave them alone for hours at a time.
I think I am finally winning the war as this Christmas trips dragged awfully but I hate that it's like this at all as it really doesn't need to be

Goatinthegarden · 28/12/2021 07:46

DH and I always stay in hotels near family rather than with them. We enjoy ourselves so much more.

When done, you can politely excuse yourself to go and drink cocktails in the hotel bar. You get a lovely night’s sleep with a private bathroom and can then get up whenever you wish and have a great breakfast in peace. It turns visiting family into more of a mini-break.

We’re early risers and I hate being stuck in someone else’s house, wide awake, wondering how to pass the time.

grapewine · 28/12/2021 07:58

Two days. Anymore and I am climbing the walls.

ChubbyMorticia · 28/12/2021 08:05

Depends on who it is.
My parents never spent a night under my roof, which was for the best.
Friends have stayed, and leaving on the 3rd day is my limit.
In our early years, when MIL would visit, I had to put my foot down. DH picked her up on the weekend, and left her with me while he went to work on Monday. I was in tears, the kids were miserable, and MIL looked like the cat that ate the canary by the time he got home. I swore that if he EVER did that again, I’d pack MIL into a cab and send her to his office!

rookiemere · 28/12/2021 08:07

Two nights as a guest or host is about my limit. I can host for longer if it's undemanding guests and I can be a guest for longer if it's at my aunts huge NZ property with a separate guest wing, but that's about it.

All sorts of difficult things as a guest - do you flush the toilet at night etc. Once stayed at my cousins and they had kindly put on the electric blanket except the room was boiling already.

It sounds awful but one of the very small benefits of covid is my DPs not extending their stay beyond the length they were invited for. So say I'd invite them for Friday afternoon to Sunday morning, they'd announce they were coming in the morning and we'd be lucky to get them out before 12 on the Sunday.

Suretobe · 28/12/2021 08:18

We’ve just had a guest leave after three days who when he left neither tidied the bed or stripped it - just left a mess. It’s been three days like that. Luckily we like them a lot and so they can come again. But they never cease to amaze with their lack of contribution. Even just offering to load the dishwasher would be nice!

IcedAbstinente · 28/12/2021 08:46

I detest having guests. But it may be because we live in a tourist area that has a big annual festival and for the past 20 years (not 2020 due to covid) we have had all-comers invite themselves to stay for 8-11 days. I used to accept it because they were DH's friends and it was his house. One year we had 11 people stay for 8 days. I fucking hate it. Since having the DCs we have managed to reduce it down as oddly enough people don't seem to like sleeping on blowup beds. (DS1 has autism and being turfed out of his own bed causes him dreadful anxiety. Not turfing the kids out was my line in the sand).

Thing is, the people who stay have been doing it for so long that they treat us as a B&B except they don't pay and they don't contribute anything. Not even decent conversation or a bottle of wine.

last year we had only 3 people stay and only for a total of 14 days between them but when I shut the door on the last one I said to DH that my years of hosting were done. NO-ONE is coming to stay again.

The exception to this is DH's sister who is lovely. She can stay.

Rant over. I have been sitting on that. Angry 20 years it has taken me to put my foot down. 20 years. More fool me.