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Christmas

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Original poster

'Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days' Benjamin Franklin

44 replies

SocialConnection · 27/12/2021 15:10

Apparently Franklin said this. Or similar. Or quoted it. I've also heard it attributed to Vikings! Anyway. The thing is ...

Has anyone had people staying, or stayed with rellies, for 3 days plus, and wished it was longer?

I think three days is great because it's long enough to catch up, do things, go places, have conversations, and not long enough for irritations to build.

But any longer and it feels like you or they have moved in - but can't get on with real life, like being stuck in limbo, where you may not have your own space or stuff to retreat to.

What do you think - does the fish thing strike a chord for you?

OP posts:

BackBackBack · 28/12/2021 08:48

Never. I'd put someone up in an emergency of course, but I don't do visitors regardless of whether they are family or not. I also don't stay in other people's houses - it's always a hotel or B&B. I love my friends and family dearly but I am a firm subscriber to the guest version of never a lender nor borrower be

PlinkPlankPlunk · 28/12/2021 08:51

I have a lot of thoughts about this.

We get many guests staying with us and it is easy to tell which ones are regular hosts and which aren’t. People who regularly host tend to help more in subtle practical ways and crucially, stay out of the way when necessary. Those who don’t host a lot are much more demanding about particular pillow requirements, specific foods they can’t do without and asking for safety pins just when you are getting a gigantic roast bird out of the oven

Based on the above I do try to be a good guest and hoover round/dry up/play endless games of cards with children and so on. Never for more than three nights!

ilovebagpuss · 28/12/2021 08:54

I don’t think I would ever invite polite guests to stay it has to be easy ones. My in laws usually come for 2 nights occasionally 3 but they are the they sort you can go for a bath or leave them watching a film and go and read for an hour etc.
I couldn’t be doing with constant fussing over people although I still host and feed everyone my MIL will do the dishwasher or help in any way.
Even then everyone wants their own bed and space after 3 days.
I can see it’s harder if you have a lone older relative who wants company. I would still set a limit though. I also wouldn’t do guest after guest you need a few days in between to relax.

RainbowConnection1 · 28/12/2021 08:59

3 nights is about my limit. Our guest has been here since the 23rd and leaves tomorrow, I just want my home back and to be able to sit in peace and quiet.

SpideySenseTingles · 28/12/2021 09:04

Yes, I think 3 days is ideal. Currently at my MIL's for a week. And she is the perfect host in lots of ways, made lovely meals, planned nice trips, has gotten up with DD nearly every morning- they absolutely adore one another.

But even so, I'm just feeling generally irritable now and ready for my own home. No one has done anything wrong it's just that I'm ready for home.

However, this time I think 7 days was right. Covid has meant that DH hadn't seen his mum in a very long time so we are making this visit count.

I'm determined to make these last days of the trip good ones.

Ticksallboxes · 28/12/2021 09:09

We've had my sister and partner since Christmas Eve, staying until New Years Eve

They're lovely and it's her home town so they also spend time hanging out with a nearby couple who are old friends, which can take the pressure off.

But they are early to bed/up exercising early, nutrition obsessed types (Londoners!) and our schedules are so different. They were getting tetchy last night as they thought the time we served dinner and proposed watching a film afterwards was too late for them.

KitKat1985 · 28/12/2021 09:19

4 hours is about my limit!

echt · 28/12/2021 09:57

It's the person/people for me.

Being in Australia, most visitors are longer term than a weekend, but looking back, a particular visitor was a PITA all three times. My oldest UK friend, and no longer so after the last time.

JaninaDuszejko · 28/12/2021 10:00

Depends on the guest. My lovely MIL stays with us for a couple of weeks each summer and is great with the kids, helpful in the kitchen and very easy going and tells us regularly how much she enjoys staying with us. The only annoying thing she does is not wash dishes very well (bad eyesight) so DH and I spend lots of the holiday saying 'Oh no, you don't need to wash the dishes, you're on holiday and have already done lots to help us'

DHs brother is awful, very critical and wants everything done his way, he'll change radio stations, demands certain foods, move furniture , tells us how to live. It really annoys me but luckily he doesn't visit very often since we live in the north which is dreadfully provincial and not worth visiting .

Anjo2011 · 28/12/2021 10:02

I like it when I can visit, then go home. Happy to have visitors, happy when they go home in the evening to their own house.

Borracha · 28/12/2021 10:21

We live overseas in a popular tourist destination and 3 days is absolutely my limit although inevitably people stay for 7-10 days due to the flight times. I hate it.

My SIL and her husband recently came to stay for 5 nights when DC3 was just a few weeks old. I really did not want to say no - due to COVID, DH hasn't seen her for two years. But it was fucking awful. And they didn't even do anything helpful like strip the bed when they left or offer to clean their ensuite. It honestly was like running a hotel, a few weeks post partum. DH was having too much fun, pouring drinks and catching up with her.

rookiemere · 28/12/2021 10:28

Yes @Borracha and when guests stay longer than 3 days, because they've travelled far inevitably I get tetchy and it spoils the visit somewhat.

This is what has happened when we have US visitors, I love them to bits but no actually in the UK we don't all have OJ for breakfast and prepping an over complicated salad dressing when I'm trying to put everything else out on the table because apparently a naked salad or Hellmans is sacrilege, is not actually helpful. Nor is knocking on my door at 11pm when I'm actually asleep to ask for bus fare a good thing.

Oh and when I have specifically called out in advance that one set of guests will need to sleep on a futon ( subsequently retired) or split up so one sleeps in a single bed and the other on the futon or single mattress, it's actually kind of annoying to bitch and moan about the futon every morning- when you could just sleep separately and avoid being on it.
Some of our guests at Christmas stayed at a cheap Travel lodge thats pretty close, so I think I may suggest that for next time if we have more guests than can be comfortably accommodated.

Squirrelblanket · 28/12/2021 10:33

We have my mum to stay from 23 to 27 Dec each year. Some years are easier than others but I'm definitely ready for her to go home on the last morning. She's not a particularly demanding guest, but I agree with the poster who said that good hosts make good guests. My mum never hosts and it shows. Things like not wanting breakfast when it's offered, then changing her mind an hour later when I'm in the middle of peeling a mountain of veg. Or asking me for hair mousse/a cardigan/etc when I'm taking the turkey out of the oven. She also takes a very long time to do anything (no health conditions) so for example she'll be sitting in her pyjamas for hours saying 'right I suppose I better get dressed' and then carrying on sitting there when we're waiting for her to get ready to go out.

So not big issues but it starts to grate after three days!

HunterGatherer · 28/12/2021 11:06

Prefer 48 hours.
Unless it's one of our DC and their partners, they can stay as long as they like, they aren't guests, they are "home".

DrawABath · 28/12/2021 11:07

I wouldn't want anyone extra in my home for more than a day or two nor would I want to stay elsewhere for much longer. Even my in laws whom I adore I'd worry they'd be sick of me. Only exception for me is visiting my gran, we stay for a week there when we go, but she is all alone in a huge house and we tend to go out a lot without her while we are there. Her choice, she prefers to stay home. But it means lots of independent time and I do all the cooking which helps me feel less like a guest, also helps I've been visiting all my life. Also two livingrooms which means DH can go hide away in the spare if things get a bit much.

ChaToilLeam · 28/12/2021 11:14

It takes a bit of travel to get to where we are so normally my parents come for at least a week. My dad is super easy going, my mum is not. Once she suggested staying for a month - no bloody way. We don’t have a guest room either, only a blow up mattress in the living room so it’s really cramped. There is a very good hotel nearby but in our family it is seen as weird if you don’t stay with family, no matter how unsuitable the living situation is.

CharityDingle · 28/12/2021 11:23

Nor is knocking on my door at 11pm when I'm actually asleep to ask for bus fare a good thing.

Definitely not!

CharityDingle · 28/12/2021 11:25

brother is awful, very critical and wants everything done his way, he'll change radio stations, demands certain foods, move furniture confused, tells us how to live. It really annoys me but luckily he doesn't visit very often since we live in the north which is dreadfully provincial and not worth visiting hmm.

I would encourage him to keep thinking like that, if it keeps him away!

BrendaBulldog · 28/12/2021 18:08

24hrs definitely more than enough.

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