Do you feel guilty if you receive an expensive gift?

[Hotyogahotchoc]

I have a friend who always buys expensive gifts. She is a fair bit younger than me and earns a lot less but she lives with her family still so probably has a fair bit of disposable income.

I always try to get her something she will like and she always buys something nice for me for birthdays and Christmas but I feel guilty when it seeks like she has spent more than I have.

Her Christmas gifts to us were lovely and very generous too but I feel a bit bad that she had probably spent a bit more then I have. I have a DC too and she also gives generously to them.

Should I feel bad? Should I just spend more?i suppose when she has DC I will buy for them too. Maybe I am making an issue out of nothing?

This is the problem with gifting to others. We no longer give any presents to adults at Christmas. Could you speak to her and say you're no longer gifting at Christmas? You would save £££

I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like she enjoys giving you the gifts and can afford it.

No it’s not a problem, she has more disposable income than you. I’m sure she enjoys spending some of her money on you and your kids and hopefully you enjoy receiving. It’s not an equation and if she didn’t want to she wouldn’t.

I'm feeling really guilty today.

SIL and her partner usually spend about £60 in total on me, DH and DC.

This year we remembered they had mentioned they had started going to a local posh restaurant and really liked itZ so instead of the usual gift set rubbish we got a gift card that would be enough for two lots of meals and drinks out for the two of them.

They came round this morning with piles of presents!!! Expensive bath stuff and candles for me, Moët for me!! Branded t shirts for DH, Pandora bracelet, charms, ring and our teams football shirt for DD2 and expensive trainers x 2 and a load of money for DD1!

Honestly didn't even know where to look! I wish they would have given us a heads up on how much they were spending!

Yes I enjoy giving gifts to her and I think she enjoys it too. We've been friends for a few years as part of a group of four and we always buy each other Christmas and birthday gifts.

I think I give generously to all of them but this friend definitely gives very generously to us. I don't always feel she has given more ig that makes a difference. I am on mat leave and so was maybe more conscious of what I spent this year and maybe I spent slightly less than I usually do but not by much.

One of the friends generally buys us a nice box of chocolates or bottle of wine and it never occurs to me to give her less so maybe I shouldn't worry about it as like
PP suggests it's not about matching £ for £.

No
Of course not
Their choice

That's strange @SpookyScarySkeletons I don't think you should feel guilty either as they are the ones who have suddenly spent more than usual and you could not have known that.

But it makes me wonder if there is a reason behind it eg have they come into some money?

It sounds like you have them a nice gift.

I also received gifts for me and DC from a friend who we had not given a gift to but we usually only do cards and I was not expecting anything.

I felt a but guilty about that but I do believe most people give because they want to and
not with expectation.

@Hotyogahotchoc

That's strange *@SpookyScarySkeletons* I don't think you should feel guilty either as they are the ones who have suddenly spent more than usual and you could not have known that.

But it makes me wonder if there is a reason behind it eg have they come into some money?

It sounds like you have them a nice gift.

I did make a joke at one point actually of "wow have you won the lottery or something".

I also feel really uncomfortable when people sit and watch me opening presents. I'm just inside cringing the whole time and I just felt so uncomfortable with how much they had spent.

I'll feel a bit less uncomfortable when I crack open the Moët on NYE though 😂

I'll feel a bit less uncomfortable when I crack open the Moët on NYE though

Enjoy it!

Sorry I forgot to come back! I can't seem to find it on the app but here's the code anyway I hope you see this it's sorry a bit late for your son but hope he can use it!

X3UR-7BRV-LNB4-CHEY

Please ignore that last message 🤦🏻‍♀️ wrong thread!

@sociallydistained ?

Thought so!

I don't think you ever need to feel guilty about spending within your means on gifts or receiving more expensive ones. Some people like to spend a lot because they love the giving element of Christmas but I'm cynical and believe some people do it as a stealth brag. Either way that's no reflection on you.

I did feel very guilty when I opened my sister's present to us yesterday. It was a voucher for twice the amount we usually spend on her and her husband. I have a budget and I always stick to that, within a few pounds, so I have never gone overboard on their presents, although I have always tried to get something nice every year. I did query it, and she said this is the first time in the last ten years or so that they have had any money spare (they have been struggling and presents from them have been very small - not a problem for us though as we don't give to receive), so we are accepting it in the spirit with which it has been given and I know that she will enjoy us enjoying it.

That's lovely @DilemmaDelilah

We do not send gifts to adults and do not accept anything back

@Mother2princess

We do not send gifts to adults and do not accept anything back

So what do you do if someone gives you something? Say no I don’t accept gifts?!

@Mother2princess

We do not send gifts to adults and do not accept anything back

That's a completely different situation I think

from a partner - no

from a parent - slightly but I know they will anyway

from a friend - yes, I wouldn't accept expensive gifts from a friend... non of my friends buy me gifts (I'm the gift giver in the group but still only token gifts, my friends are more 'do-er' types so no physical gifts but they'll invite you to stay at the house for the weekend etc...)

@mam0918 What do you mean when you say you wouldn't accept it? If gifts were posted to you. You open them abs you're not seeing them fit a while. Would you call them and say you'll be posting it back or giving it back next time you see them?

Tbh it sounds odd that you give gifts to friends but don't receive them

[quote Hotyogahotchoc]@mam0918 What do you mean when you say you wouldn't accept it? If gifts were posted to you. You open them abs you're not seeing them fit a while. Would you call them and say you'll be posting it back or giving it back next time you see them?

Tbh it sounds odd that you give gifts to friends but don't receive them[/quote]
None of my friends bar one (who needed it for a wedding invite) even have my address.

Honestly, who knows people's addresses?

I could drive/walk to my friend's houses as I have been there before (I moved in another city and visit when going home so non have been to my house) I know the area by sight, I know the street names of a few of them, I know the house number of only 1 of them but don't know the postcode of any.

I would also be massively suspicious given that none of them have done anything like that in the 15+ years we have been friends so it would be extremely out of character.

If a new person entered my life suddenly acquired my address mysteriously and started sending very expensive gifts I would call the police because they are a boundary crossing stalker.

Ok @mam0918

@Hotyogahotchoc

Ok *@mam0918*

why even ask questions if you don't want to hear people's answers?