Am I weird to feel this way about gifts

[Christmaswaste]

I sometimes get this horrible guilt type feeling when I'm given a gift that's not to my taste/ that I won't ever use. I think it is because I hate the idea of waste. If I regift items or give them to charity I still feel bad as I feel I'm being ungrateful towards the person who bought the gift.

For example, it's my baby's first Christmas. Me and DH bought some Christmas slippers and a Christmas outfit. It did cross my mind that it was a bit of a waste as DC will only get a little bit of use out of them but with it being their first and us being a bit excited we bought them. We told our parents what we bought.

We've opened a Christmas Eve gift for DC from my Pil. Although it's lovely and thoughtful, they've got DC Christmas slippers and a Christmas outfit and I've got that weird feeling I get. I don't feel that they've stolen a Christmas first or anything like that, I just feel it is a waste. I know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but now we've got two outfits that DC won't get much use of.

It's just an example, I've felt this way loads of times. I felt bad when I got given a pricey bag from a relative as it was totally not my taste and I knew I would not use it. I sometimes wear it when I see them so they think I like it but I felt guilty they had spent their money on me.

Am I just weird or does anyone else ever feel like this?

I don't think you're weird but I don't feel like that.

If something is clearly not my taste, I can always work out who will like it, and then enjoy regifting it.

Sometimes I find that something 'grows on me' and becomes part of my wardrobe anyway.

Just find a positive way to use the gift, even if that means giving it to a charity shop.

I'm lying in bed unable to sleep with these exact thoughts running through my head.

I should be excited to open presents tomorrow, I love the idea of presents but already I have a crushing feeling of guilt and waste cos I just know I will get stuff that I maybe like but will never use.

I asked for money towards a big purchase for the house and family are also giving extra gifts but I would be happy with just the money.

I feel the same sometimes.

This is why I have managed to ensure I now receive no presents for either birthday or Christmas. My life is far better and more relaxed for it

I feel guilty if I don't like a present, like I'm betraying the person who gave it to me with the best intentions.

I feel this way too x

This is why I like a list of ideas for people. The baby clothes thing I get completely. Same when I laws buy an advent calendar, there are somethings parents should buy.

I feel like this, I thinks it's normal. I also end up keeping stuff I don't want and then never use it and feel guilty everytime I look at it and also resentful that it's taking up space in my house all because I feel bad to give it away which is madness really. I also feel awkward when I get duplicate gifts too.

I feel like this with Christmas at my parents. Mainly because my mum seems to place a lot of emphasis on presents and goes OTT with how many she buys.

DS has had 2 sackfuls just from her today. We won’t be able to fit all of the presents in the car. It just feels obscene to me.

I much prefer our more relaxed Christmases at home or with PILs where it’s a handful of meaningful presents plus time spent together.

My love languages are gifts and quality time. My mum seems to take quantity over quality & will spend her day being busy away from us, whereas I much prefer one thoughtful gift than a bagful of generic items.

Yes I think most people feel like this.

I feel the same. My mum often buys the dc Christmas clothes (things that can only be worn at Christmas and won’t fit them next year) it does feel wasteful as they can only really wear it for one day if at all.

My mum likes to buy me a load of tat that I don’t really need, things she considers fun novelty items but are not of much use. I would rather she spent less and bought me one thing I could get use out of all year, last year she bought me new towels which was great (still using them) but this year it’s mainly novelty crap. I have to pretend I’m pleased with everything and then try and find a home for it.

The best gifts are cash or socks 🤣, both things I can use. I think my best present this year was some hand warmers which I got from a secret Santa.

Phew! Am glad it's not just me. Merry Christmas to you all! I've definitely been pushing where I can to try and reduce a bit of the gift giving. My family is easier as we all tend to give each other a bottle of our favourite booze and chocolate so we just have a couple of bits we know we'll use. PIL are trickier as they like to give gifts still and it's really hard to think what to get them each year. With having DC I'm going to see if me and DH can push for them to just buy a few gifts for DC and something small for each other, maybe a nice bottle instead. My friends and I usually all meet up and exchange gifts each year and I've mentioned doing secret Santa next year instead because I find myself buying little token gifts for everyone which mounts up in cost and they're nothing great and I'd rather spend that cash on one gift for a friend where I can get something more thoughtful.

Think I need to work on feeding less guilty about things too!

I feel exactly like this so I don't do adult gifts anymore, not even secret Santa's. I've explained to everyone as you have above, it just creates waste and awkwardness. Everyone so far has been happily agreed.

I feel like this too. Especially about baby things that are so quickly grown out of. I hate the waste, both environmentally but also in another vague undefined sense. I try to get people to buy fewer things but parents and in laws are all about STUFF.

I had twins and when they were young I would not open the gifts, put them in the loft and the next year I would give them to a charity.
They always got far too much and if it was opened they would be played with for 5 minutes and left.
I always said just some sweets or a selection box would do but people don’t want to seem mean.
I didn’t see it as being mean just sensible.

I get these feelings. I am a big people pleaser and like to make sure everyone feels loved and included, maybe that’s linked to it - I don’t want to feel disappointed for something kind they’ve done, and if I do I then feel guilty about feeling that way.

I once had a bit of an outburst about a random birthday gift that wasn’t wrapped and was just handed off to me - didn’t even have the outburst in front of the gifter. 6 years later I still feel guilty about it, makes me cringe!

Why can't they wear the Christmas stuff right through the winter? Who cares? They are a baby, they won't know. They could wear Christmas body suits etc under another layer or pajamas anytime. Even a Xmas jumper type thing is fine for the next couple of months surely?

There's no Christmas Uniform Police who will come knocking on your door in February because your baby is wearing a Xmas outfit a few weeks later you know! Just use it!

Would you wear an elf costume in February? If not then you can't do that to a child.

Me. I get the dread when I'm opening presents for that reason. I'm genuinely happy receiving no presents.

My in laws mean well but insist on doing a stocking for me. Which is very sweet of them but contains either stuff I wouldn't use (scented drawer liners or miniature, impossibly to do jigsaws) or things I'd use but have 5 years' stock of (from previous stockings). It's awkward as I try to say I'd rather not have a stocking but their reply is that it's always useful stuff. But one person's useful isn't necessarily another's.

I sound like the Grinch I know. I like giving presents but am happy with an internet link or specific directions so I know I'm giving something the recipient will use.

yeah i hate stuff like this. Whats the point of giving xmas themed stuff to a baby on xmas day. You wear xmas themed stuff in the run up to xmas and its usually bought by the parents. to wear in december.
Its like llistening to xmas music at new year.
I get that weird feeling about stuff thats a waste of peoples money and then youve just got to get rid of it. I feel guilty for certain people who i think are doing it out of goodness, but for most people its just a bit weird.
Take a photo of the kid in their outfit, send it to them with thanks, and then send it to the charity shop

My partner and I have been together for almost 23 years and are both in our early 60s. We've spent years buying each other shedloads of gifts.

This year, having agreed (and we've said this in previous years and not stuck to it) to a quite low cash limit, we stuck to it. God, it was FREEING! I got her what I knew she wanted, she did the same for me. We also adopted a policy of mostly sending drink/comestibles (that we know they like) to friends - because we're all of the age where we just don't want any more STUFF to clutter up the house.

Loads of people bought my baby Xmas sleepsuits , he'll be wearing them until he grows out of them. Nobody is going to see what he is wearing at night and he barely knows he is alive 🤣🤣

I used to feel like this and it would ruin the day. I’d feel sick about it.
It helped me to figure out why - it was because I didn’t have much money and I tried really hard with gifts. I worried if someone else was going without, to get me this gift that I wouldn’t even use I felt atrocious.
But I realised most (if not all) the people I knew weren’t ‘going without’ to get me a gift and I was projecting a bit. Then I thought about what the real point was - they’d thought about me / dc and wanted to get us a gift to show that they cared. And they’d achieved that. Then I just needed to accept the gift didn’t have to be ‘perfect’ (like anything I spent my own money on - because money was so tight) but to just enjoy it for what it was. for example you can still use the slippers, he won’t know he’s wearing the ‘wrong’ slippers in January.
Plus it’s not my responsibility how people choose to spend their money. I always offer a no gifts policy now too and then it’s their choice if they choose to go ahead.

So maybe just have a think about what exactly is causing you that anxiety.

Yes! I feel the same. Someone has got my son a picture for his room. It's some random picture but won't match in his room. Also been given loads of clothes by someone which won't fit him. When I've told her in the past they won't fit then she tells me to take them to the charity shop. All well and good but then my child misses out on the gift because someone can't be bothered to send a quick text to ask what size he is. I know they mean well and I don't want to sound ungrateful but this has happened several times.

I feel this way too. Over the years I have learnt to tell myself that gifts serve a short-term purpose: to enable the giver to make a nice gesture that shows their love of the receiver. That is the real point of a present, and once that has been achieved there is no shame or waste if the gift itself goes to the charity shop or on Freecycle or whatever.

It is hard though. The waste of money really gets to me.