The saddest Christmas I’ve ever had…

Pegasussnail · 24/12/2021 17:20

Life is tough but I was also 30 childless and single after years of being messed about.
Now I'm married 10 years and have two dc.
It will happen
It honestly will
By the way my life is not perfect. My family having contacted me in two months.
But life is never going to be perfect.

SheWolfOFFrancee · 24/12/2021 17:27

Sending you lots of love

Don’t give up hope yet you may still find happiness and have many many perfect Christmases

JohnSmithDrive · 24/12/2021 17:28

It's early days for you, but it will get better.

DH died in the Summer, so this Christmas is hard and I'm certainly not over losing him, but I've had a little bit of time to navigate the couples world on my own.

What I've found is that our old couple friends have drifted off, but actually I had quite a few single acquaintances, who I was probably guilty of ignoring when I was a happy couple, but they have welcomed me into their groups and I've actually had some really fun times this Christmas, despite everything.

I also joined a group for a hobby that I used to do with DH and I've met some lovely people in a similar situation through that too.

I miss DH dreadfully and I'm particualrly devastated for our (adult) DC but life's not all bad.

LeuvenMan · 24/12/2021 17:43

Year after my father died (I was 19). He was a Church of England priest and Christmas was massive in our house. We all went to midnight mass then opened presents after etc.
Just wasn't the same anymore.
However I'm now in my late 50's, been married for 30 years, and have been lucky to have several wonderful ones since.
Its does get better

WolfhoundsForever · 24/12/2021 17:48

OP that is really tough. I've been there. What I found helped (a tiny bit) was spending my worst Xmas planning a nice day just for myself to have in March/April (spring is my favourite time of year, and I find it hard to enjoy my own company at Xmas anyway, too much coupledom and family stuff around). Something I could savour that not many of my friends could or would. For me it wasn't anything expensive, just a long walk a bus ride away and a picnic. It didn't make Xmas day ok. But it made it possible for me to get through that, and the shitty friendless New Year that followed, and feel I'd achieved something - planning something for me. That said, if you can't do that - don't. Curl up, rest - you have a right to feel sad and miserable, and angry too. This will pass. It did for me. I'm leading a very different, happier life now BUT I am glad that I know I can get through it on my own, in a dark place. And that experience is helping me now, as I get through my first festive season since a major bereavement. Tons of sympathy for you going through this. It's a tough time of year.

Chuck2015 · 24/12/2021 17:51

I was single and childless at 40 and my birthday is near Xmas, So I know what it’s like to feel this with bells on, but there’s a big world out there, lots of ways of finding happiness. To me (now 52) you are very young, try to be kind to yourself, 80% of my friends have had kids over the age of 35, you have plenty of time.

Luredbyapomegranate · 24/12/2021 17:59

That sounds like an A grade shit year.

I hope you will do all you can to spoil yourself this Christmas and that your mum and dad will look after you.

Do include some wallowing in this, but don’t let it get into catastrophic or ‘always’ thinking. You’ve had a rotten year, it happens - it doesn’t mean you won’t get the family you want. 30 is pretty young. Also do remember you aren’t in a world of couples and families - there are millions of singles in the UK - at least one of them is your future partner.

ChiefStockingStuffer · 24/12/2021 17:59

I was still single and childless at 30. Did some travelling, changed direction and went back to school to do it in my mid-30s ...ended up meeting my now husband and we have 3 children. It may not happen for you, true, but it well might!

Trying to find something to be positive about ... like getting out of something that clearly wasn't a good place for you. You have time to find a life that is.

Keepthefaith99 · 24/12/2021 18:01

First time poster but I wanted to reply....
I was where you are last year OP, it was incredibly miserable, I felt like a failure that my relationship had broken down, living with my parents when everyone around me was happy and having a wonderful time with partners and kids... oh and approaching 40.
This year, I too am in isolation (also allowed out tomorrow) I have my own little rented property and today have been quite emotional at how far I have come, both mentally and emotionally since last year.
IT GETS EASIER, please believe me! You have strength inside you that you don’t know about, trust the process

Lindy2 · 24/12/2021 18:06

Isolation is hard as are break ups.

I hope you are ok to be out of isolation tomorrow.

You're 30. You have time to meet the right partner and you have time to have children.

I hope next year start off some better things for you.

oneglassandpuzzled · 24/12/2021 18:06

Next year will have to be easier for you, OP.

Jayaywhynot · 24/12/2021 18:11

I feel for you but you have time to meet someone, don't give up.
My mums in hospital, cancer, going to have an operation that she may not survive, the alternative is that she'll die without the operation.
1st Christmas without my mum with us 💔

Mumkins42 · 24/12/2021 18:13

I really dislike this type of behalf, you send cards so expect your recipients to send them back. I hope there's no passive aggression sent their way if they don't fulfil this obligation put upon them.
I have taken a stand against this sort of thing this year as I know people who expect others to do the same as them and over react of others don't live ipmtontheir expectation to return back. It's unfair really. Live and let live and don't because you want to do something kind or don't bother.

Lovelydovey · 24/12/2021 18:13

OP I feel for you. And just to join you in a misery party - we lost both my DP to covid at the start of the year and MIL 3 months later to cancer. We were supposed to be in the Caribbean for Christmas but DS2 has covid so we’re not. And DH keeps going on about how we don’t have anyone to visit (not quite true, my wider family have offered to have us over once we are out of isolation) and how bored and miserable he is.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 24/12/2021 18:15

You're about to come out of isolation having not been seriously unwell. Whether it was your choice or not, you are free of a relationship that wasn't functional/a person who was not suitable for you. You are with family. You have a fuckton of money sitting in the bank with which to make choices regarding where and how you live.

You are going to start the new year in a position to do what is right for you and will make you happy. You can determine your own future, make your own choices, everything can be done your way.

It's the darkest time of year and it will get noticeably brighter from now on.

WorstXmasEver · 24/12/2021 18:21

I had my first at 35. Plenty of time.

LuluBlakey1 · 24/12/2021 18:22

I say this in the kindest possible way.

Get a grip, stop being so self-pitying and instead be grateful for everything you have. Most of the world are not couples and many people don't have children, good health, family, a shelter, food, money or time on their side.

I won't list all the things people are suffering and have suffered this year- you know what they are.

You are young, in good health, have most of your life infront of you and many opportunities ahead to take. Take them. You'll be warm, fed and not alone tomorrow and it is just another day. You don't have to enjoy it- it will pass.

mayblossominapril · 24/12/2021 18:24

There’s many of us who were 30 single and childless who are now older with children and no longer single!
Have a wallow, enjoy what you can and I hope 2022 is a much better year for you

CorrBlimeyGG · 24/12/2021 18:26

We're all allowed a bit of a pity party at times, but try to think of all the positives you have. You're young and healthy, you're with your parents. You're out of a relationship that wasn't working.

Thousands have lost loved ones before their time over the past two years. Please make the most of time with loved ones, because you can't get that back once they're gone.

anon666 · 24/12/2021 18:37

Don't listen to the unempathetic keyboard warriors telling you to "man up" or whatever. What a load of tossers.

You feel how you feel. All I can offer is that sometimes pain comes before growth. Pain also doesn't last forever. Its a horrible thing to be miserable.

And I can offer you the reality that many of us with kids and husbands are tearing our hair out at the selfishness and obliviousness to how bloody hard Christmas is when you're "carrying" men and children.

This morning I was ready to get divorced. DH had been off work since Friday, whilst I have been working long hours and today had to submit a further piece of work. The house was a bombsite, dirty and messy. Nothing was ready, there was not a scrap of Christmas food, and when I was "in a bad mood" seeing it all, he had the NERVE to say that I was just looking for an argument.

Being dismissed, disgruntled and taken for granted by your loved ones feels worse than actually having none of them.

But seeing your post I will try to cultivate a bit of gratitude for what I have got. I would suggest maybe doing the same. At new year, try to frame the next stage of your life positively and think about how you would like it to be different. If it's a partner good luck to you. But if it's to be sitting on a beach somewhere next year with a cocktail, all the best with that too.

Life is what we make of it. Which is why I nearly checked myself into a hotel alone this morning just to get away from it.

Cerridwen83 · 24/12/2021 18:37

Sending you a virtual hug
Things will get better.

VioletLemon · 24/12/2021 18:38

Oh dear, I'm sorry you are finding this a tough time. You know, life will change, it truly will. Why not try to use this year and NY as an opportunity to really think about the things you enjoy in life and where you'd like to be in 5 years. It sounds twee but when you identify who you are now and where you're going you will be able to start looking forward to the changes coming. Look into where you would like to live now, any new interests you could take up and make new friends, book group, stitch and bitch or a bit of volunteering. Don't stop looking ahead, you'll be in the process of changing things soon and it can feel amazing. A new hair cut, scarf, nails done etc can work wonders. Don't look back, Happy Christmas to you x

Ilady · 24/12/2021 18:41

Hi Pixie tin dust,
I know you having a hard time at the moment with a break up of a long relationship 4 weeks ago and then getting covid. Along with that your not a lover of Xmas as it seems to be full of couples and happy families which is hard when your single and 30.

But it better that a relationship ended rather than getting married or having children with the wrong man.
Also with selling your own home you have money which in the new year will give you more options if you want to move to new area or change jobs.
I have seen people hit really bad patches and then within six months to a year they are in a far better place.
I hope you can get out tomorrow and you have a nice Xmas. I think what another poster said here that planning something you like a day out or even a short break away would give you something to concentrate on and to look forward to.

AngelinaFibres · 24/12/2021 18:52

@pixietinkdust

I’m 30 years old, single and childless.

Went through a bad breakup 4 weeks ago, I’ve sold my house and ended up back with my folks until I can decide what the plan is. I am also currently in isolation as I’ve caught COVID (allowed out tomorrow, fingers crossed!)

I’ve never been a lover of Christmas but this one really takes the biscuit. Being a lone entity in a world full of couples and happy families really is soul destroying. I’m left wondering what on Earth I’ve done to deserve a life like this… it’s just not how I thought it would be.

I’ve no idea what the objective behind this post is tbh.

Hope everyone has a lovely Christmas x

Reframe it in your mind. You are free of a relationship that wasn't working , you are free of a property. Does that mean you can choose to live in a completely different place now ? You have a safe space with your parents . It isn't the life you want yet but it gives you a launching pad for the new year .Take time to think what you want Christmas next year to look like and break down the steps you need to get towards it. Make a plan and see where it takes you but allow stuff that comes along to take you a different way. Thirty is no age. You have years to find a relationship that is fabulous and you have time for children. Feel sad, eat too many chocolates and then grab 2022 and all it's opportunities. It's absolutely not the end of the world...its the start of a new and much better world. Good luck Op. I was you 25 years ago. It gets sooooooo much better. Also , look at some I the other threads on here. There are many women with less than fabulous husband's who might wish to be you. As they say " When you are in a relationship you dream of being free and when you are free you dream of being in a relationship ".

mildtomoderate · 24/12/2021 18:55

I sat by my mum's bed watching her die slowly and painfully over ten days, which included Christmas. That was pretty shite.