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Christmas

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Original poster

Caught moving the elf

78 replies

Mammaakir · 16/12/2021 23:05

So it was about 9.45 and I thought my daughter was asleep but turns out she wasn't and saw me moving the bloody elf! (We live in a flat her bedroom opposite the kitchen)

She cried for about 45 minutes and now is refusing to go sleep. I told her that santa has set me a task to help the elves as they are little and need some help, although I don't think she's going to fall for it at all she told me she hates me and that I'm a liar that santa isn't real either and the elf is fake.

I know it's coming to an end as she is 10 and other children around her know its not real but selfishly I just want one more christmas.

Have I set my self up even worse or should I just come clean about everything 😭.

I love christmas I just know without that little bit of magic it's not the same.

OP posts:

Mittenmob · 17/12/2021 08:33

I'd say you've been done a favour. At secondary she could get mocked for believing it's real and it'll be more embarrassing.

liveforsummer · 17/12/2021 08:39

I'd just keep up the pretence 😆. Dd1 is 12 and knows fine it's not real, in fact unless our elf actually is real then it was her that got it out and moves it (no idea how she found it though) as I'd forgotten but she's doing a great job of keeping it up and obviously I can't ask her. Against the norm on mumsnet I'm never going to be honest and will just lie even when they are adults. (Light hearted of course). Otoh that was quite an extreme reaction from a 10 year old so maybe my advice isn't the best in your case

Justmuddlingalong · 17/12/2021 08:43

Her reaction seems quite extreme for a 10 year old. I'd be more concerned about her lack of resilience than worrying about getting another year of her believing in the elf.

Allsorts1 · 17/12/2021 08:45

@alienbaby 🤣🤣🤣

Billyliarohdear · 17/12/2021 08:55

My DD is 10.
We sent the elves back to Santa last year and they just never reappeared this year.
She did mention it once a couple of weeks ago but I was vague and said maybe she was getting too old for elves now ( she could take that as they didn't magically appear as they deemed her too mature or I didn't get them out of storage- I've no idea). She hasn't mentioned them since.
I answer any Santa questioning with "Are you sure he's not real?" (she can't answer that question) or "I believe!" and change the subject.
If I'd have been caught out like you I'd have admitted the elves were something made up to get young kids excited for Christmas but that Santa has been around since before I was born and is very real to me.

Mittenmob · 17/12/2021 09:04

@Justmuddlingalong

Her reaction seems quite extreme for a 10 year old. I'd be more concerned about her lack of resilience than worrying about getting another year of her believing in the elf.

Resilience is about bouncing back from setbacks. It's not being unresponsive or not feeling setbacks. Perhaps you are thinking of hardiness?

FreeBritnee · 17/12/2021 09:09

My kids found the bloody elf reward stickers this morning that the elves supposedly put on their reward charts and of course they were in my drawer and is left it open 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I vaguely wriggled out of it but I know by nine year old knows. He’s kind enough to go along with it for now.

TrashyPanda · 17/12/2021 09:12

Oh dear.

10 is a bit old to believe in the Elf/Santa.

It’s a shame it’s so near Xmas, but it honestly sounds like she had her doubts anyway, which is perfectly normal, given her age.

Elodeastar · 17/12/2021 09:22

This is exactly why we never bothered with the elves, Santa or any other fabrication - at some point they always find out, and some children really don't react well to being lied to (yes they get over it, but I am not 100% sure it's worth it tbh). Of course this doesn't really help just now, I hope your daughter calms down - if you want to continue to 'pretence' then maybe Mr (Mrs/Miss/whoever!) Elf fell asleep and you were moving him/her to somewhere more comfortable?

CandleWick4 · 17/12/2021 09:27

Is 10 really too old to believe? My 10 year old still believes in Father Christmas and the Elf.
I’m sort of hoping her older friends will clue her in and she’ll figure things out for herself soon. I’m squeezing one more year out of the magic and next year when she’s in high school she can be as miserable a pre-teen as she wants 😂

chiefcha · 17/12/2021 09:39

I have a 10yo. I think it's conceivable that they can still believe in FC at that age (DD had her doubts for a couple of years but asked us straight this year so we were honest)

But believing that a doll moves around the house by itself getting up to mischief? Surely not. The reason FC is believable is because he's abstract. I think elf on the shelf overcomplicates things and risks younger children working it out sooner tbh.

Tal45 · 17/12/2021 09:55

When I was a child I really felt that Christmas wasn't the same once I stopped believing in Father Christmas. Actually what I think wasn't the same was that my mum no longer put so much effort into making Christmas special. Now that your dd knows the elf isn't real does it matter? She can still enjoy seeing what he gets up to, and laughing at the silly things you come up with.

Why not start a whole bunch of new more grown up traditions, make oranges with cloves with her, bake christmas cookies, make your own decorations for the tree together, go see the Christmas lights, have a christmas story to read some of to her every evening in december - RK Rowling has The Christmas Pig but be warned the main characters parents divorce so it could be upsetting for some children. See this as a whole new stage where the magic changes but is still there in a different more grown up form.

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 17/12/2021 09:56

I think I still more or less believed at that age. I know I had moments of doubt, but for a while I "chose to believe" as a PP put it. It annoys me when people act as though a child must be weird or unintelligent if they believe for longer than the average child does. I was a bright, intelligent child (if I do say so myself! ) and did very well in school, yet I still managed to hold on to the magic of Christmas for longer than many. It's not a bad thing or a sign of some deficiency or inadequacy.

Moving on... I think it's wise to see how she behaves in the next day or so and follow her lead. If she's happy to go back to believing (on some level), you may get the Christmas you were planning. If she's accepted that it's not real, that's okay, too. She'll be okay. It has to happen sometime, and with any luck, the worst of it is over, now.

BringUsSomeFrigginPudding · 17/12/2021 10:05

If I could edit my previous post, I'd add that when I was a child, we didn't have the Elf, so it was FC I still mostly believed in at ten, iirc.

I'm not sure what I'd have thought about the Elf, tbh. (It's rather creepy, really!) I think chiefcha may be right, that it's more difficult for an older child to believe that a physical doll in their own house is magic.

Starting new, slightly more grown-up traditions is a good shout. If there are younger siblings, involving the older child in the fun parts of helping "make the magic" for them is a pleasant way to transition from belief to non-belief, too.

Lovemusic33 · 17/12/2021 10:15

My kids have never believed in the elf’s 🤣, I mean they are made of plastic?

She’s ten, I would have thought by then she would have worked it out, I know all kids are different, mine stopped believing Santa pretty early on, dd2 has ASD and was terrified of Santa so I told her when she was 7 that he wasn’t real 😬. We used to do the elf for a bit of fun but they always knew it was me doing it.

Cocomarine · 17/12/2021 10:43

There are always lots of threads on MN about Xmas “mental load”.

For all that it does take seconds to send a text, that’s seconds for each present. And is “thank you” enough, or does it need to be “thank you for the candles, such a good choice that you gave me the cinnamon one, that’s my favourite scent… etc.”

Also, I’ve coached (non elite 🤣) sport.
Sometimes the “thank you” text is followed by a parent wanting to talk shop. Which is hard to bat off when you’ve just acknowledged a gift from them.

One thank you, in person, is FINE.

Hemingwayscatz · 17/12/2021 10:44

I think my 10 year old is cynical this year but she’s still sort of buying it, it’s definitely the final year though especially with her starting secondary next September. 9 year old is getting a bit cynical too. Keeping up the pretence regardless though because I also have a 1 and 3 year old. My 11 year old plays along for toddler’s sake but he’s past believing in any of it.

Cocomarine · 17/12/2021 10:44

And that was on the wrong thread 🤣🤣🤣

Silvershroud · 17/12/2021 10:58

She has reached the age of criminal responsibility. Saying the "elfs made me do it" won't be a defence in real life.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 17/12/2021 11:10

at 10 ? I'd be relieved the game is up and look forward to not doing it next year !
The lovely magic is just becoming an ever more elaborate lie. Santa , the tooth fairy , it was all so much more believable when it was just done with no fuss.
Now there are elves , footprints , santa ID , easter bunnies ( wtf?)

Punfreeusername · 17/12/2021 11:40

My daughter is 9 in January, and so ' grown up' in other ways , I know she can't possibly believe in Father Christmas now.

She would have to believe in magic, as school has taught her how big the world is etc, time differences. She must know by now that too many other things about it don't add up.

I think she perhaps has this year ' wanting' to believe just to be on the safe side.

It makes me really sad, and I wonder if we made the most of the years that she did believe and know what is all about ?

There's also the fear of how hurt and upset she will be when she realises we have lied to her all this time.

If pushed, I'll go with the ' Miracle on 34th Street' explanation to be honest. It's OK to believe without any evidence or explanation. It's called faith, and having faith in things we can't explain is extremely important and not a bad thing ( I'm not talking religion here, explicitly )

Quite an anxious time really!

NynaeveSedai · 17/12/2021 11:46

Lots of kids get upset or angry when the truth is revealed but please don't make up some elaborate story to try to persuade her, just accept graciously that the game is up and help her understand it.

Mamadothehump · 17/12/2021 13:15

10?? I'm sorry but she's being a bit dramatic! When my 10 year old lost her last tooth she asked for the cash up front as "it's obvious the tooth fairy is you" 🤣

Coronawireless · 17/12/2021 13:22

Have the elf write her a note in very curly writing to the effect that he had to freeze when you walked into the kitchen and you thought he’d fallen and were kindly helping him. Act very surprised when you see it and say you thought he wasn’t real and that’s why you were moving him.
Up to her which she chooses to believe but at a minimum you’ll get points for keeping the magic going for one more year.
On that note, I’m running out off elf ideas …any good ones?

Coronawireless · 17/12/2021 13:24

@Dontforgetyourbrolly

at 10 ? I'd be relieved the game is up and look forward to not doing it next year ! The lovely magic is just becoming an ever more elaborate lie. Santa , the tooth fairy , it was all so much more believable when it was just done with no fuss. Now there are elves , footprints , santa ID , easter bunnies ( wtf?)

I agree there’s too much fuss now and I resisted the elf for years. He only turned up last year when dd was 9 but she adores him!!

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