Why is Christmas so loaded?

[LiveFromNewYork]

I feel like we place far too much expectation on Christmas and I don't get it. If it's about spending some special time with family and loved ones, why does there need to be a scheduled occasion to do that? Sure many people get some holiday then but we all get leave and can decide how to spend it, Christmas time is when all the prices are most expensive.

Why, given many of us are at best agnostic in the UK, does it carry such apparent meaning for people? Why do we fret that Christmas is ruined because a) or b) might not happen or tie ourselves up in knots about who is doing what with who when. That it's the most terrible thing if someone is at alone at Christmas or not eating a roast turkey with all the trimmings. That a homeless person cannot be on the street on 25th December, but fine any other day.

I feel like the meaning put onto this time of year is completely out of proportion with the event itself and also serves to make people who aren't expecting a warm and cosy one worse about their family set ups. You only have to read the threads on here in Christmas Day to discover the fantasy doesn't match reality, so why do we persist with it?

I do think it's a lovely time for the kids but even that doesn't live up to the Christmas card dream and is a struggle if you don't have much spare cash. Is it just us being manipulated by rampant consumerism? Is it because it's such a dreadful time of year weather wise? Genuinely interested!

Why, given many of us are at best agnostic in the UK, does it carry such apparent meaning for people?

The religious side has been highjacked by the Christians - it was always a heathen festival held in mid winter. Most atheists, like me, simply like to celebrate a nice festival which brings everyone together.

you can say mostly it doesn't stand up to the expectations but it depends on the expectations you put on it. Feet up, fantastic TV and a tin of celebrations is what it comes down to for me. I am blessed to have people I can share it with, my fantastic kids. Couldn't give a crap if they bicker on the day or don't seem thrilled with their presents, I'll have a day off where we can all just let go. Here's to next year being one we can spend with everyone and hugs to all those who work

I think part of the issue is that it is the only remaining big festival that we celebrate - midsummer is ignored, the equinoxes and cross quarter date are forgotten. So all the pressure piles onto Christmas.

It’s also an accessibly secular festival - there’s a religious element grafted onto to something old and pagan, but overwhelmingly it’s about light (in the darkness), feasting and companionship.

I’m an atheist from a non christian background and i LOVE Christmas. Its everyone off at the same time in our family. It’s the fairylights on dark nights, its the food and the wine. I have no issue celebrating christmas, it was originally a celebration of winter solstice, thats good enough for me. I don’t really care for the gifts and they are only for kids in my family anyway. I think it’s nice to have shared times of celebration for any society. But yeah putting yourself in debt or too high expectations can ruin it (definitely been guilty of that).

I get a whole two days off work. I’ve never been in a job that breaks up on the 24th Dec and goes back on 2nd Jan. Although DH and the DSs have exactly that.
I am lucky enough to spend time with my family throughout the year.
So I’m not really that fussed about Christmas. It’s all a bit of a chore.
I quite like January as soon as everything’s back to normal I have a week off.

I understand completely OP. MN is full of threads that prove your point.

The female sense of obligation at Christmas. We must have perfect homes, perfect presents, perfect meals and perfect happy faces around the perfect tree because it's Christmas.

The idea that we must spend time with family and people we otherwise despise because it Christmas. The idea that we must buy something they don't like and we can't afford anyway because it's Christmas.

The idea that we must spend more money than we can afford because it's Christmas.

Personally, I enjoy Christmas. But I don't buy into all of the crap above that so many other people do. I spend the day at home with my DH and kids. No expectations.

I think Christmas is the one day/time of year that families get together at the same time. It was the day that my sisters and I used to go home and we'd all be there at once – even though I didn't grow up in a religious household.

Now my kids are ridiculously excited and I don't share that, but I do like to mark the turning of the seasons and the taking stock. There's a connection through time, I suppose. The same meal, once a year, the faces change but the tradition continues.

Listening to “white wine in the sun” by Tim Minchin will answer your questions

Do you think it means more to women generally? I'm not aware of men posting threads about menus, presents, hosting, hot chocolate stations, Christmas Eve boxes etc etc... I do quite like Christmas myself but my children are both uni students so I just love having them home with me.

Listen to White Wine in the Sun by Tim Minchin - this is all the explanation you need!

@HermioneWeasley sorry, just saw you already said this! I love this song so much

For me, its the one constant in an ever moving year. I know that it will involve the same decorations, the same food, the same traditions this year that it did last and that I hope it will next.

Issues around it can often centre around complex family dynamics and the fact that people often regress into their childhood role at Christmas.

I'm not a fan of Christmas. Piles of tat and shattered expectations. We're atheist so do a bit of winter solstice stuff with no belief on 21st December for ourselves and have no expectations in the house for the 25th.

I'm trying to unpick for myself why it matters so much to celebrate on the actual day (we are a blended family so this proves very difficult as the kids have different families to spend time with over the period).

I think there's a sense of togetherness, not just with family and friends but the whole country stopping (yes I know we're not all fortunate enough to be able to take time off and thanks to those that can't, but there's no other time of year when so many people have so much time off work at the same time), taking time out and celebrating.

Last year we did Christmas on 23rd and it felt really weird because the rest of the country was still in the excited count down while we were on 'boxing day'. Unless you hibernate completely, you can't avoid that.

I think that's what makes it so much harder to be alone at Christmas too.

@NoNeedToArgue you’ve got great taste!

Something to look forward to - especially a celebration with lights and warmth and loved ones - is really important to those of us living in northern countries when daylight is in short supply. It's been a human need for thousands of years,

@witsendeverytime

Because Christmas isn't just one day a year, but the one day (or really days) from our whole lives. Christmas to me (I'm 59) is memories of sleeping by the tree in a one bedroom flat when we had to move when I was 7; that special doll I got one year from my god mother; the tradition of me and my dad hunting down the perfect tree; when my ex pat parents gathered other ex pats to celebrate the day every year and so on. It was the one holiday that I travelled 3600 miles to be with family. You inherit the traditions of your family that goes back generations, and create new ones. Of course it's not ok for the homeless to be homeless on any day, but on Christmas Day, when Mary and Joseph themselves had to seek shelter in a stable, it has special poignancy, and we count our blessings and be thankful for what we have.

Lovely post.

That is how I feel about it.

Some of my most vivid memories from childhood are from Christmas time. I want my dc's to experience the same.

@Player067

Do you think it means more to women generally? I'm not aware of men posting threads about menus, presents, hosting, hot chocolate stations, Christmas Eve boxes etc etc... I do quite like Christmas myself but my children are both uni students so I just love having them home with me.

You're probably right. Then you get arguments because the woman has done everything and feels her partner is not pulling his weight.

But from his point of view, she's choosing to do a load of extra shit that he really doesn't care about, generalising of course.

Christmas has got ridiculous now, there was a poster the other day talking about rewrapping half the presents she'd bought for her DC in case they spotted that Santa used the same wrapping paper as she did.

I don't think it means more to women but there as a huge amount of 'wife' work associated with Christmas.

The presents, and wrapping, more recent stuff like Elf on Shelf.
And women trying to make sure dinner is perfect, and stressing over numbers they wouldn't ordinarily cook for.

If dinner isn't right it's the womans cooking. Not the man's.

Because Christmas isn't just one day a year, but the one day (or really days) from our whole lives. Christmas to me (I'm 59) is memories of sleeping by the tree in a one bedroom flat when we had to move when I was 7; that special doll I got one year from my god mother; the tradition of me and my dad hunting down the perfect tree; when my ex pat parents gathered other ex pats to celebrate the day every year and so on. It was the one holiday that I travelled 3600 miles to be with family.
You inherit the traditions of your family that goes back generations, and create new ones. Of course it's not ok for the homeless to be homeless on any day, but on Christmas Day, when Mary and Joseph themselves had to seek shelter in a stable, it has special poignancy, and we count our blessings and be thankful for what we have.
What poignant words

So many people saying it's the one time everyone gets to be together!! 🤦‍♀️ I'm a nurse and have never had both Christmas Day and Boxing Day off in my 16 years in the NHS. Nothing stops. Even shops only close for 1 day now. This year I'm doing nights in the run up to Xmas day, then working new year night shift

I hate Christmas Day. I’m agnostic and to me it’s just a mire of the aforementioned rampant consumerism, and people I avoid for the rest of the year all up in my space rolling their eyes and sniping at me, my home, decisions and upsetting my kids with passive aggressive bullshit.

I love the winter festival side of it. I like the lights, the tree, my immediate family having time off together to play games, catch up on films or go for walks when the rain stops. I love my silly old dog getting the giddy kippers when the presents are unwrapped, the nice food and the music and carols. DH and I were talking about Christmas last night funnily enough and decided that if it was just us there would be lights, tree, nice food but no presents or extended family.

For me I find the darkness of winter very depressing. The planning, the excitement, the lights and the carols gets me through to the longest night. Then I start to feel better as I know gradually every day we will get more light.

Christmas has become ridiculous and people feel obligated to spend money they can't afford and rack up debt they can't afford
Christmas meant more to me when people just got what they could afford and no more and dpent time together. Ot isn't fun any more and everyone is angry and flustered on the run up. I dont know how it has come to this.

I think that pretty much everything has exploded out of proportion since the internet - and xmas carried a fair bit of excess before that, too.

We are a very small family with no kids, so there is no pressure or even much gift buying. We enjoy the festival element, the peace and quiet and the general stopping of the world (respecting frontline workers as exceptions of course).

I also don't use social media as i dint like the feel of it. I dont get news or follow people, etc. I do share my art but as a business and it is very low key.

Not religious but do connect deeply with the seasons and tradition - which absolutely does stretch much further back than organised religion. PP's are correct that it marked the longest nights and the lights were decorate it with are a symbol of hope and continuation.

My fave parts are buying a new collection of victorian ghost stories, a cabinet of special chocolates, and the tree (again, a very old and significant symbol). My childhood christmases were very happy and privileged, and now my parents are gone it can be quite painful leading up to xmas due to memories. They are very special x