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Is it fair to give TA less than teacher

138 replies

cheeriobye · 12/12/2021 09:09

I've read that some TA's don't get given a gift when the teacher does and I've also read that sometimes TA will get a gift but of a lower value compared to teacher.

Is this fair?

In my case it is the teacher that has made a large difference to my child's education and I know they spend a great deal of time outside the classroom on working too. Therefore that's what I want to acknowledge at Christmas.

The TA in my case would get a token gift.

Is this fair and ok? Also appreciate responses from TA's

OP posts:
UndertheCedartree · 12/12/2021 13:29

I have got my DD's main teacher a higher value gift than the teacher she has 1 day a week and the TA. The reason for this is she spends most time with the main teacher (Y5 so TA not in class full time) and has a real connection with her. This meant she was able to pick a really personal present for her - it wasn't expensive, though. I have got nice chocolates for the other 2. They have all been given a homemade card by DD.

TallulahsCurse · 12/12/2021 13:43

I'm an SEN teacher and where I work we pretty much all get the same - teachers, TAs etc which I think is absolutely right. We all do the same with the children and to be honest my TAs do a million times more of the personal care than me.

As it goes though I buy the same for my DCs teachers and TAs - I value everything that they all do for my children, and I think it's REALLY shitty to get TAs less - like you're literally saying I value your input in looking after my child day in day out less than someone else.

If you're going to get a TA less I honestly wouldn't get anyone a gift as it's pretty mean to do that. We genuinely don't expect gifts, so I would probably recommend just writing a nice card to all members of staff, rather than insulting them by getting some less than others.

WombatChocolate · 12/12/2021 14:01

These threads lead to parents who feel they are navigating a minefield of what is right, feeling even more confused and thinking people expect gifts, even though lots of posts say they don’t.

There is no ‘right’ or expected. Do exactly what works for you and your budget. Kids come into contact with loads of adults in a school and you really won’t be buying all of them a full scale gift. So if you want to give at all, pick who YOU feel you want to….and you dont have to justify it to anyone.

And TAs or teachers or anyone else saying any kind of gift giving or not giving is fair or unfair…..just stop it. This isn’t a fairness issue. Honestly it isn’t up to parents to recompense teachers or TAs or to even out imbalances in pay or workload, or to massage the egos of those who actually get value/feel offended by the receipt or lack of, or value of , of gifts.

I’m sure this thread started as a reverse. It’s someone who feels aggrieved that others got more than them….and for whom this matters to a lot. Move beyond this. See anything you get as a bonus and do t compare.

BeepBoopBoob · 12/12/2021 14:04

In my experience, working with many schools across the country, TAs often are the ones who spend time 1:1 across the whole working day supporting the most challenging, academically behind and vulnerable children as the teacher needs to focus on lesson planning, marking, prepping, cohort overview etc. They do a heck of a lot for a lot less pay, as do nursery workers, staff in care homes etc.

RosieLemonade · 12/12/2021 14:09

I'm a teacher but I share my class. My co teacher only does one full day and one half day. My TA teaches for a full afternoon. So we are more of a unit than lots of classes. However we work in a very deprived area so very rarely get gifts. I don't mind. Or even really think about it.
I think some posts on here make it seem like teachers are distant and cold. I administer medicine and plasters. I clean up sick. I work with small groups. I push wheelchairs. I give cuddles.

hiredandsqueak · 12/12/2021 14:13

I gave teachers and TAs the same. My dc had 1 to 1 TAs so I'd buy them the same as the other teacher and TAs and a little gift from ds or dd so in essence they got more.

HettytheHoover · 12/12/2021 14:16

Teacher and TA will rarely open thr gifts in front of each other, working out who gave what - they will never know.

TAs under paid but short hours. Teachers paid but have their career on the line if your child doesn't succeed - no one blanket answer to this thread I don't think

Lacedwithgrace · 12/12/2021 14:19

If anything DD's TA gets more from us, but we know her better because she does handovers and seems to actually like the kids

KittenCatcher · 12/12/2021 14:22

I would get gifts of equal value, TA do a wonderful job with measly pay and little recognition. Its petty and mean to give anyone a "token gift" that is cheap and cheerful, why bother at all,if its just for show.,

Froppysue · 12/12/2021 14:31

I always used to give the TAs the same.
Last year I gave the TA more than the teacher, my youngest dd has special needs and the ta was invaluable in helping her, she was amazing and with her day in day out.

TallulahsCurse · 12/12/2021 14:43

@WombatChocolate

These threads lead to parents who feel they are navigating a minefield of what is right, feeling even more confused and thinking people expect gifts, even though lots of posts say they don’t.

There is no ‘right’ or expected. Do exactly what works for you and your budget. Kids come into contact with loads of adults in a school and you really won’t be buying all of them a full scale gift. So if you want to give at all, pick who YOU feel you want to….and you dont have to justify it to anyone.

And TAs or teachers or anyone else saying any kind of gift giving or not giving is fair or unfair…..just stop it. This isn’t a fairness issue. Honestly it isn’t up to parents to recompense teachers or TAs or to even out imbalances in pay or workload, or to massage the egos of those who actually get value/feel offended by the receipt or lack of, or value of , of gifts.

I’m sure this thread started as a reverse. It’s someone who feels aggrieved that others got more than them….and for whom this matters to a lot. Move beyond this. See anything you get as a bonus and do t compare.

That's why I suggested just don't do gifts and just write everyone a nice card.

I really don't think it's fair to start getting staff members different amounts of things, but in my experience of a very long teaching career no one I've ever met in the profession would expect or need a gift. Genuinely we do prefer nice thoughtful messages in cards. If you do want to get us a gift go for it but, we know that often there are a lot of staff who work with children and it gets expensive quickly. End of the day we're just doing our job, I really don't know anyone who would expect gifts and no one who would think any less of a family who didn't get anything.

I would however feel a bit aggrieved if someone did buy my TAs less than me as that's what I really don't think is fair!

Easiest thing to do is just write everyone a nice card, don't stress out about gifts and leave it at that.

WombatChocolate · 12/12/2021 14:46

But it IS a token gift. Most parents are buying for multiple family members and any gift to a teacher or anyone at school is purely ‘token’ and a small sign of appreciation. Who has the budget to spend large sums on school staff? If you’re starting to talk about spending on a teacher (or two) and several TAs, you’re looking at much more than most want to spend, even if it’s a couple of quid each.

Some people are happy to allocate £10 to school staff gifts. Lots more really want to spend a couple of quid or nothing. It’s an expensive time and a small, cheap gift isnt expected and it’s not an insult. And it’s not an insult to give nothing or to choose 1 person or two to give to and not to give to all the other adults a child might come into contact with.

Or are you giving to all of your postman, bin collection team, doctors surgery, all the club leaders who are volunteers not paid workers at things like Scouts/Brownies? What about the dinner ladies at school, the cleaners - both of which work hard and are poorly paid? What about the maintenance people or the school office workers? Loads of people have an input and we don’t think they should all get gifts. There is t a wrong or right about it. Give or don’t give to whoever you want to and whatever you like.

The box of biscuits or tin of quality Street works well - it’s affordable, easily shared and means everyone in the workplace can have a Small sign of appreciation.

I think it’s often actually self indulgent on the part of parents to feel they need to give, or the teacher or TA ‘needs’ their kindness and gifts.
I think of a couple of private schools I’ve had connections with, where a class rep organised a collection of £25 per child and then spent weeks organising complicated gifts for all the teachers and TAs. Then a morning registtratiin slot had to be given to the parents all coming in to deliver the gifts and the teacher showing huge gratitude for the bounty. Yes, there were fabulous gifts. But it was an activity for the parent organising g it to enjoy in all honesty. Other parents often felt pressured to join, and the size if the gifts was embarrassing for the staff and also the bowing and scraping to say ‘thank you’ at the awkward session when the parents all came in, had reminisces of the domestic staff in a Victorian stately home having to bow and curtsy to say ‘thank you m’Lord’ for the small bounty from the estate owner and feudal Lord on one day a year after pitiful pay for long hours over the whole year. Honestly, don’t start going there.

If you want to spend a fiver on a box of chics to share, do it. If you want to give a teacher or TA you’ve personally valued for their input a small gift, do it. If you barely know their names or what they do, don’t bother and if you don’t want to, don’t bother. After the event, although some will write thank you notes for their gifts, most honestly won’t remember who gave what or care. The £2.50 box of choc or candle isn’t going to make or break their Christmas, regardless of if it’s the same or different to anything you gave anyone else. So don’t over-think it and just do what you want to.

GizmoIsSoFluffy · 12/12/2021 14:50

TA here. I don't mind getting less than my teachers. Yes, we get paid a pittance, but I don't do the job for the money. And I often work through break/lunchtime for free. I certainly.dont expect presents from children, although cards with nice messages are always appreciated (and kept)

WombatChocolate · 12/12/2021 14:53

Tallulah, would you really feel aggrieved if a parent bought your TA less than you? Would you really know, be measuring up each gift you received against theirs, or judging and feeling aggrieved? How have you got the time or inclination to even make those comparisons? What on earth is the point?

As you say, a thoughtfully written card, which shows a parent has actually noticed some things you’ve done, counts for more and costs pennies or nothing. In a way, that’s better.

Teachers who feel their TAs are under-valued can’t do anything about parental gifts and shouldn’t be feeling thrilled or disappointed on their behalf. It honestly should be something that’s barely noticed and certainly not stored up as something to remember and be pleased about or bear a grudge over. A teacher can give a TA a nice gift if they want to….or not, in exactly the same way as a parent can. We can only be responsible for ourselves and our own giving. The idea there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ about this, or feeling someone else has given ‘incorrectly’ is an over-thinking. As many others say, most teachers don’t expect, keep record or worry at all about gifts ir their value. Anything is a nice bonus…that’s all. There’s too much suggestion it’s a big deal in anyone’s mind. That myth needs getting rid of, because it’s that which worries parents and makes them feel there is a ‘right’ way to do it, people are noticing and keeping tabs. Anything which suggests this is the case should really be e pulled as an idea. It’s so unhelpful.

ALightThatNeverGoesOut · 12/12/2021 14:57

I earn a lot less than teachers and TAs and can't afford to get any of them presents.

CaptainMyCaptain · 12/12/2021 15:01

@Robinkitty

I work in a nursery school. The teacher has very little interaction with the children. She is the face at the front of the door but the children are brought in to me and I’m the one who spends the day caring for them. Teacher is doing paper work. Parents won’t know this so I expect the teacher will receive the cards and gifts. Undeserved in my opinion.
That doesn't sound like a very good arrangement. I was a teacher in a Nursery class and a close friend is one now. The set up you have is not normal.
PlanktonsComputerWife · 12/12/2021 15:03

I get the same bottle of wine or box of chocs for both TA and teacher. My child has SEN and it's often the TA who sits and reads with her when P.E. gets a bit lively, or helps her get a new library books, etc. I value them both.

JustLikea · 12/12/2021 15:07

Teachers have a degree and have teacher training and do all the marking, assessments lesson planning etc etc

I'm guessing a TA finishes and goes straight home for the day without any extra workload

Or am I wrong

ALightThatNeverGoesOut · 12/12/2021 15:08

Actually I did get a box of chocolates for a teacher who taught my dd2 in y2 who was retiring. She sort of curled her lip and went "Oh. Thanks." Snooty bastard. Wish I'd kept them for myself.

ldontWanna · 12/12/2021 15:09

I'm a TA. I don't expect gifts tbh, but they are nice to get.I particularly love the cards that had an actual or special message in. I don't mind or care who gets what, the value etc. I don't even open mine in view of others, either do it in the cupboard or at home.

The teacher I had last year was rather cross we both had the same amount going by the conversation I overheard in the staff room. I just think she's petty and to suck it up. Different classes/parents do things differently and there isn't an actual "this is how it should be done" rule book. If anything, there should be a question if it should be done at all rather than the etiquette around it.

Clariana · 12/12/2021 15:16

In my children's primary school a few years ago now they couldn't afford TAs for each class, so some of us parents got together and volunteered to step in and do the role for a day each / week. I think people realise that some "TAs" aren't being paid at all and are just there, trying to help your children, for no pay at all!

Clariana · 12/12/2021 15:22

I don't think people realise

ALightThatNeverGoesOut · 12/12/2021 15:24

Well a volunteer is a volunteer and a TA is a TA. They're different things.

Clariana · 12/12/2021 15:29

@ALightThatNeverGoesOut

Yes, I agree, but we were doing the TA's role, but for nothing, to help other people's children.

ALightThatNeverGoesOut · 12/12/2021 15:30

With a contract and defined duties and responsibilities?

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