Any tips on having a half decent Christmas?

[NotTheOriginalFeargalSharkey]

Hi. This is not meant to be a pity thread. I would genuinely like some ideas.
This Christmas is going to be the shittest Christmas ever. Not much i can do about that.
Some things I am not bothered about, I am an adult and it's just another day.
But...
My 9 year old dd is in temporary Foster care. I won't even see her over the holidays. This is a complicated story involving wrong diagnosis, wrong medication and a lying social worker.

And for an added bonus, due to more incompetent social "care" I have been underpaid benefits by about £10k, so I am very behind on my rent.
Waiting for bailiffs any time.

I have lots of helpful people here. Haha.
A gp surgery that never has any appointments.

A housing officer that only works 2 days a week and has a lot of time off on holiday, with no stand-in, a social worker who is lovely, but makes contact about once every 3 months. Despite my daily polite ask for help. Good Solicitor, but even he can't pass on info from SS when they don't give him any info.
So how can I salvage xmas? For me and my teen? And my parents and grandparents who we always visit? I can't visit them without dd!
My grandparents are nearly 90. I am aware that any xmas could be their last.
As I said, not a pity thread. Just looking for genuine ideas please?

No idea, but I couldnt read and run.
Will things be looking up for you next year?
Do you have anything to look forward to?
Anybody you can speak to in RL?

Why can't you request DD is placed with your parents/ extended family?

If you are having no contact for 2 weeks it doesn't sound like 'temporary' FC as if they were doing a rehabilitation plan contact would be frequent. Can't you ask for permission for your family to supervise contact over Xmas?

How is dd feeling about all of this? Will you see her to give her gifts?
Do you get on ok with her FC? If you develop a good relationship with them it can really help.

But it is so hard, I hope you have a better year in 2022.

How old is teen and how is teen handling this situation? That really needs to be your focus. You can’t do much about the 9yo who you can’t have contact with at the moment, but you can try to mitigate the circumstances for the teen. The first question would be is your teen comfortable continuing with any family traditions or even celebrating Christmas in a traditional way with the younger child absent?

I agree with @Blossom64265, I think right now your focus needs to be on stabilising yourself and your environment for the sake of your other child.

Speak to her and see what she's comfortable with, that could be having a quiet day together celebrating Christmas or postponing it until your 9yo is home if there's a plan in place for that?

Op not sure what to do say, except I've had Xmas in numerous dreadful times and even then it's really about what you make it.
You don't need lots of gifts, but walking out to a nice town, music.... A few small treats...

It’s going to be very hard to have a good Christmas with your daughter in care. Why aren’t they letting you see her over the holidays?

Honestly, I couldn’t have a half decent Christmas if my 9 year old wasn’t with me. Everything would be on pause until they were back. Then I would do a ‘normal’ Christmas.

I'm confused. Do you have 2 children? One is with you, one in FC?

I’m so sorry 😞 was it a FII accusation? It’s horrific atm so many parents wrongly accused

why can't you see your dpts or dgp ?

Not saying OP is abusive or anything but let's just consider that abusive parents often play victim or blame someone else. A recent high profile case proved this.

Everything has only recently happened.
Social worker doesn't know her arse from her elbow. One minute it's "you can have contact every day, but she can't come home until you get a house" which is fair enough.
Then next minute it's " contact is daily at contact centre" then "contact centre only has these times..."
Contact centre closes over Xmas.
It's killing me not having her here with me.
Family live too far away. Nearest is my grandparents (almost 90) and they are 3 hours drive away. If the traffic is good.
Teen ds isn't bothered about Xmas. He will happily wait until we get dd back.
Can't really go and see family without dd. Too many questions. They don't know what has been happening. Can't just show up without her!
The stress would probably kill them!
I have only spoken to Foster mum a few times at contact. She seems OK.
And yes, I will be giving her presents next week.
I don't think ds and me are going to bother with Xmas at all. I have sent cards to all the "oldies" in the family, so they know they aren't forgotten.
I think I might have to "catch covid" and isolate from next weekend!
Thanks for your replies

What's an Fll accusation?

The best thing you can do is take care of yourself and your home, small steps are what count the most - get it clean, manageable and tidy. Whilst you are doing this you can be sure you are ready for any contact from the people involved in your case.

You need to do more for your DS, bullshit does he not care about Christmas

Are you in temporary accommodation?

Your teen still deserves Christmas. Get your shut together to get your child back. Your OP reads very much like it's everyone else's fault

*shit

So none of this is your fault but you can't be bothered making an effort for the sake of your ds?

Opps what makes you know my ds better than I do?
He has never been a fan of xmas. His dad left at Xmas. Which was actually a relief for him, as he no longer had to go visiting graves of people who died 30 years before he was born, just because they died on Xmas eve. Also, as a asd sufferer, he struggles with changes, can't deal with too many people.
But yeah, of course he loves Xmas!

And yes, I am sure my post reads like I am blaming other people. I am blaming them! They have refused to read/believe/acknowledge my medical notes. They literally call me I liar, when I am standing in front of them, with empty medicine boxes, with my name sticker on. They tell me I have never had that medicine.

Don't let your worry about telling your family what has happened stop you from giving your ds the best christmas you can in the circumstances.

Why can your sw not supervise a christmas visit during the time the contact centre is shut? I would definitely request this.

Are you allowed telephone contact?

It is obviously terrible to be aware from your dd, but she will be being cared for. So I would focus on some special time with your ds, who must be finding the situation awful too.

And no, we are not in temporary accommodation yet.

Stompy you seem sensible.
I have asked my legal people these questions.
They are still waiting for answers.
I know she is being cared for.

Does your ds have someone to talk to about everything?