Any tips on having a half decent Christmas?

[NotTheOriginalFeargalSharkey]

Hi. This is not meant to be a pity thread. I would genuinely like some ideas.
This Christmas is going to be the shittest Christmas ever. Not much i can do about that.
Some things I am not bothered about, I am an adult and it's just another day.
But...
My 9 year old dd is in temporary Foster care. I won't even see her over the holidays. This is a complicated story involving wrong diagnosis, wrong medication and a lying social worker.

And for an added bonus, due to more incompetent social "care" I have been underpaid benefits by about £10k, so I am very behind on my rent.
Waiting for bailiffs any time.

I have lots of helpful people here. Haha.
A gp surgery that never has any appointments.

A housing officer that only works 2 days a week and has a lot of time off on holiday, with no stand-in, a social worker who is lovely, but makes contact about once every 3 months. Despite my daily polite ask for help. Good Solicitor, but even he can't pass on info from SS when they don't give him any info.
So how can I salvage xmas? For me and my teen? And my parents and grandparents who we always visit? I can't visit them without dd!
My grandparents are nearly 90. I am aware that any xmas could be their last.
As I said, not a pity thread. Just looking for genuine ideas please?

Whereabouts are you living currently then? Could you afford to go out for a meal instead of cooking at home instead as a change and to break up the day a bit?

Yes, ds has good friends. Good parents of friends. Me. My mum. He is supposed to have disability social worker.

If you can't all be together in person, can you zoom? There are games like Battleship or charades that you can play or you could all do an online escape room together.

@AmIBeingsillyy

I’m so sorry 😞 was it a FII accusation? It’s horrific atm so many parents wrongly accused

I'm not at all trying to imply that there's any FII involved in OP's situation, but it is something to speak about very cautiously. Yes, sometimes people are wrongly accused - but it's also often missed for years, and something that professionals are afraid to report signs of. If anything there needs to be more awareness, not less.

I googled as no one seemed to want to clarify; FII is fabricated or induced illness so what we used to know as Munchausen's by Proxy.

This is a complicated story involving wrong diagnosis, wrong medication and a lying social worker.

So your 9 year old has been diagnosed incorrectly? Given the wrong medicine?

What did the socail worker lie about? Is it the same Social worker that doesn't know her arse from her elbow?

@Innocenta it’s actually a huge problem especially in the SEN community- parents ask for help / support/ assessment and suddenly they are accused of exaggerating symptoms

Parents of children with feeding issues and allergies have been targeted

Look up fiightback group - awareness needs to be raised. Genuine FII is incredibly rare
Wrongful accusations sadly are high and on the rise - comes under the label of ‘future emotional harm’ too. There are parents doing their best for their children and have that thrown back in their faces and blamed for it and children are removed

False FII accusations are not uncommon especially for things like PANDAS. Am so sorry op.

@MyDcAreMarvel

False FII accusations are not uncommon especially for things like PANDAS. Am so sorry op.

Yes I’ve heard of this being a targeted condition too. Also ME, ASD, PoTs and EDS There are supposedly’red flag’ conditions

I think you should ask your DC at home what they want to do to make their Xmas day special. Then, try to arrange a zoom type thing for DC in FC and try to make it a positive part of your Xmas day together.

Really do make things as positive and jolly as possible for both your DC as best you can.

Sorry OP I know you haven’t actually said what the reason was but when you mentioned wrong diagnosis, medication and a lying social worker I wondered if it was perhaps an FII accusation

Op, that all sounds very rough. It sounds like a low key Christmas celebration with your ds would probably be best. Does he have a favourite non-Christmasy movie? Could you have a Harry Potter / Marvel film marathon? Make his favourite meal, even if that’s pizza?
I’d also be pushing for better arrangements for contact around Christmas. And I urge you to consider confiding in your parents. Having them in your corner could make such a difference. Unless you have reason to believe they’d be less than supportive?

I can see there are a lot of complications and you will be having a tough time whatever you do. So firstly give yourself permission to be kind and gentle to yourself. Not too many expectations.

Trying to answer the question you asked, some things to choose from with your DS.

• A Christmas Eve walk - look at the lit up houses and have really nice hot chocolate when you get back (or in a flask with you if you prefer)
• Make sure you and your DS have at least one nice present each. Buy yourself one treat present - big or small - something you enjoy to eat, nice pjs, anything which makes you happy even in a small way.
• Let your DS pick your christmas dinner - doesn’t have to be turkey, could save that for when DD is back? Enjoy the freedom from being required follow tradition
• Christmas Day walk whilst dinner is cooking.
• Baking Christmas biscuits
• schedule video calls with the family you will be missing
• back to back christmas films and christmas /seasonal episodes of various TV series (friends, dr who, buffy, west wing, bake off, christmas university challenge - you and DS pick!) - there’s a thread in this board with lists of films
• Something special for Xmas breakfast - even if it’s just your favourite chocolate biscuits

I think you need to skip family visits. Too stressful and tricky to navigate atm. You have covid and maybe a facetime /phone call. If you can take a nice pic when you give dd her prezzies and send it as a postcard later.

What would your teen like to do? Nice dinner, takeaway (if you can afford it)? Movie nights? Go for a walk and see the light? Church carol service? Online gaming together? It all depends on what makes him happy and feels special.

Can you have phone/facetime contact with your DD on xmas day? Not the same , but you'd still get to see/hear her.

It really sucks, and nothing can make it better so aim for good enough. The fact that you're still functioning and considering how to make Christmas good is impressive.

Why haven’t you told your family what’s going on with your dd? They might be able to support you xxx

Ps.. I wouldn’t lie about having covid. If what you’ve been accused of includes lying about anything medical, then telling what they see as more lies could bite you in the butt.

[quote AmIBeingsillyy]@Innocenta it’s actually a huge problem especially in the SEN community- parents ask for help / support/ assessment and suddenly they are accused of exaggerating symptoms

Parents of children with feeding issues and allergies have been targeted

Look up fiightback group - awareness needs to be raised. Genuine FII is incredibly rare
Wrongful accusations sadly are high and on the rise - comes under the label of ‘future emotional harm’ too. There are parents doing their best for their children and have that thrown back in their faces and blamed for it and children are removed[/quote]
Sorry, but this is an incredibly one-sided view that fails to take into account way too much research into FII.

Again, I do not intend any comment on OP, but I don't like to see misinformation spread.

I am not spreading misinformation

I know sadly of many, many families affected by these false allegations. There’s a huge focus on things like FII and future emotional harm (this can be stated even if the type of harm they are concerned about has never happened and can’t even be described it just all comes under that broad term)
It IS a big problem. No wonder social services are so snowed under and busy when a lot of cases shouldn’t even be cases !

@ColdTattyWaitingForSummer

Ps.. I wouldn’t lie about having covid. If what you’ve been accused of includes lying about anything medical, then telling what they see as more lies could bite you in the butt.

I agree def don’t lie about anything medical at all

Trust me Christmas should be guided by you so it's more positive for him.
Not dwelling on the negative and raging about what's happened.
I attended a social service meeting once with a parent and she mirrored what you said in your post. No tree, no presents etc. It was not felt this attitude was healthy for children and they were hugely resentful when honest. Because he doesn't know best and because your dd is not your only child.
I implore you to think again.

If you are owed £10k in benefits contact your mp. I had a phone call within a week and payment within 10 days. You need to be proactive and I am not getting that from your post. She who shouts loudest and all....

And I have lots of experience of what your talking about.

Ahh, this all sounds so difficult.

Can you go for a long coastal walk on Christmas Day to clear your head a bit? If you can find somewhere to eat out then I think that would be a nice idea too. Sitting in without your daughter and, with all other daily activities being shut, may actually be pretty awful.

I wish the best for you your family. Sounds like you’ve had a really tough few years.

@AmIBeingsillyy

I am not spreading misinformation

I know sadly of many, many families affected by these false allegations. There’s a huge focus on things like FII and future emotional harm (this can be stated even if the type of harm they are concerned about has never happened and can’t even be described it just all comes under that broad term)
It IS a big problem. No wonder social services are so snowed under and busy when a lot of cases shouldn’t even be cases !

You may know of accusations you believe are false. You clearly do not know very much about FII if you are perpetuating the myths that your comments on this topic contain.

I really doubt this is helping OP at all, by the way. It likely has nothing to do with her situation, so maybe we could leave it? PM me if you want to discuss it further - I'm happy to talk privately.

I have first hand experience of it actually, and I’ve seen how things can go for innocent families

OP - if this is an allegation around FII or similar there is support available through fiightback . If not then I apologise for bringing the subject up . The info could help someone else though so it is possibly relevant . It’s hard as we don’t have more details

OP you can do a subject access request to see all information held about you by any professional so you can prove what medications were prescribed etc etc and the social workers can’t deny that evidence.

Record everything - it is your right so that if stories change you have proof

Ask for emails not texts as emails can be used as evidence if needed (eg if contact is confirmed then the offer taken back)

@Russell19

Not saying OP is abusive or anything but let's just consider that abusive parents often play victim or blame someone else. A recent high profile case proved this.

Agreed. People just blindly believing everything a parent says. This child is in foster care for a reason.