Does anyone else get tired of the spend, spend, spend?

[MrsGrinchesHumblePie]

We have a huge family to buy for on DHs side. Then there are relatives on my side. We don’t spend lots per person but as there’s so many babies, children , tweens, teens etc it really adds up. We don’t buy for adults other than a small gift for parents and grandparents.

We then have 2 DC of our own to buy for. On top of that , there’s school raffles , school parties which require nice clothes , school tombolas and family days out to be paid for .

I have finally completed my Christmas shopping but as we are on a low income , it’s taken 12 weeks to do. I’ve just looked at our bank balance and I’m a bit deflated.

We will manage through to the next pay day at the end of December with and we will also be ok through January with conscious spending, but I’m so pleased the spend , spend , spend is over . Does anyone else feel the same?

I also have 15 birthdays between mid November and the end of December.....

Christmas is a massive time and cash suck with hugely diminishing returns for every incremental hour/ $ spent beyond probably 33-50% of what people actually spend.

OP - in your situation I would 100% suggest Secret Santa next year amongst the cousins. It's crazy to be scrimping for months for what is one day of the year.

No I don't feel like this OP.

I like to treat my owm chidfren, but growm ups get small token gifts only- amd even then only the ones I am close to.
My sister and I donlt exchange anything, my OH sends no gifts to his brother or family.
School raffles and tombolas are optional, and "days out" are what you choose them to be
A trip to the threatre can be expensive, but the cinema much less, and a forest walk is a great way to spend a crisp afternoon- we collect holly and fir cones to decorate,take a thermos flask of hot chocolate or home made soupBring food to leave out for birds and deer.

I adore christmas, but refuse to get caught up in the mindless spending.
You do have choices.

I also have 15 birthdays between mid November and the end of December.....

You have 15 children?

So many of these choices are 'optional', like others I don't go to the Panto, plastic ice rink, tacky Christmas markets etc etc, I've never had a 'seafood platter' on Christmas Eve ...

And who on Earth has to buy 15 birthday presents? I have a wide circle of friends but we don't buy each other presents (perhaps for a 'special' one) .... so many people get sucked into the commercialisation of Christmas... there are plenty of free, or very reasonable activities you can enjoy .......the most obvious of course being Carol services, Christingle services etc ... you can make a small donation to the collection but won't be turned away if you can't.

I'm willing to bet that if you spoke to some of those family members they would be happy to stop the gift exchange in favour of cards or meeting up for a meal or outing at a less hectic time of the year.

And as for the rest of it, if contributing to school raffles and tombolas leaves you short, then just don't do it. I've worked in schools and it's by no means 100% of the parents that contribute (and it's very often the better off families that don't). Don't feel obliged to participate.

You are obviously financially very efficient if you are managing to do all you do on a tight budget. If it's brings you pleasure to do it that's great but if it's becoming a burden start making plans to lighten the load next year.

Have a talk to the extended family very soon - I did it on Boxing Day when I came to the same conclusion as you. Each family only buys for their own children, and we just give each family something edible like a box of biscuits or chocolates . It frees up everyone and we all have healthier budgets .

Ragwort Not sure why “seafood platter” is in quotation marks as I simply said seafood. It’s meant to represent something a bit different to a normal meal.
The point is you eat special food and drink at Christmas. Stuff you wouldn’t normally have, a bit nicer maybe.

Of course no one needs presents or decorations or seafood. It’s just finding the balance between enjoying Christmas and it becoming a massive consumerfest.

My family decided to do secret Santa this year. Great I thought, but the suggested budget is £100 😯!!! That's £200 for me and DH.

This of course is fine for my siblings. None have DC and 2 live with my parents, so £100 is nothing to them.

But they all buy for my DC so it's all a bit awkward...

I used to love Christmas when I was younger, but now I realise that it's just one long, expensive to do list.

I think you can be aware of it and rein in spending fairly easily. Things like school raffles are optional - no school would want parents to feel like they have to do those things. Or just buy one ticket.
Special food also doesn't have to cost a fortune, we don't have a whole week of special food its just Christmas Day and Boxing Day, and most of our food is bought from Aldi. We don't tend to buy things like prawns and beef because they are expensive, so we have nice but cheaper options.
Gifts wise I find it easier to spread the costs throughout the year, and I use the bargains thread to get things at a fraction of the real cost. Obviously it's a bit late for that this year but it does help to stop the feeling of constant buying in December if you've already bought the bulk of the presents in September and October.
We have also cut down on number of presents and amount spent on family members. e.g. we used to spend £25 on nieces and nephews but there have been a few new babies in the last few years so we now spend £15 each, so the overall cost stays about the same

Maybe time for the adults to get their heads together and decide how to cut down. Kids don't need umpteen presents - maybe you all get together and buy one a bicycle, or other higher ticket items which a few of you contribute to. It doesn't seem to be the money, more the time and efforts to do it that bothers you.
I stopped buying for my cousins kids when I got a text in April saying she knew I'd sent her kids something for Christmas but 'they had so many presents I can't remember who gave what'. Never again.

No I don’t
Because I do exactly what I want
I buy for my children, very close family, and my god children
I have a wonderful, happy Christmas with my children and my single sister.

We eat simply, go for long walks, play games, watch films. Open presents - presents that I have spent an age researching and, admittedly, expensive, because I buy for genuine longevity and enjoyment and that usually goes hand in hand with high prices

It’s a joy.

And the world occupies by so many mumsnetters of family stress and discord - is like another world to me and my family

We are doing a quieter Christmas this year.
The kids are adults and literally don't need anything. We have decided to get them vouchers for their favourite restaurants and theatre tickets.

@YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp

I also have 15 birthdays between mid November and the end of December.....

😳 There is no way you “need” to buy birthday presents for 15 people between November and December unless you happen to be breeding for England. Unless it’s your own Children it’s not necessary.

It makes me feel queasy. But everything in the shops feeds onto this sense of panic. I did it for years and it was so stressful.

I'm not doing it. I'm buying tokens and big stuff for DS and that's it. I also do not want. I want time and food with the people I love.

There is no way you “need” to buy birthday presents for 15 people between November and December unless you happen to be breeding for England. Unless it’s your own Children it’s not necessary.

I agree- how can someone have 15 birthdays to buy for within a month?
Who are all these people?

@speakout

There is no way you “need” to buy birthday presents for 15 people between November and December unless you happen to be breeding for England. Unless it’s your own Children it’s not necessary.

I agree- how can someone have 15 birthdays to buy for within a month?
Who are all these people?

It's not that hard.

There's me, Dniece, Dephew, DTwins, DSs best friend and nephews partner so that's 7 in December.

If the adjacent month is as busy that's basically 15 birthdays in two months.

@pinkksugarmouse do you not buy for siblings and partnerd, their kids, parents, in laws Inc SIL and BIL and kids, friends, their kids?

sleeping but why are you buying for all those people, I stopped giving my nephew presents when he was 18, I wouldn't dream of buying his partner a gift haven't even met her. Do they give you gifts? You need to just stop the endless present giving.

I give to my son usually cash (he's 20), one friend, a small token something for my DM and two siblings and that's it ... unless you include a calendar that I buy annually for my DH .

We best friends decided years ago now I can’t get to see them no presents we’re all registered blind so don’t do cards either, we miss nothing our friendship is still special. I’ve cut down 0n cards I can’t be bothered anymore, this year Christmas is vey spendthrift but I don’t care.

SleepingStandingUp

That's 7- not 15.

You buy your nephew's partner a gift???

I understand, OP, it can be never ending

I start early, I keep an eye out for things throughout the year. Family friend’s kids are having brand new books that I found in a charity shop last summer (they love books and parents always say they have plenty of toys and not enough space).
I’m lucky as I’m crafty (people buy and order my stuff, so I know they like it). We collected sea glass last summer and I’ve made jewellery out of it for a few of my friends and my mum’s friends. I realise that not everyone is crafty, it’s just how I keep the cost down.

I made a note, last year of approx when things were on sale in Waitrose (biscuits, etc). The shortbread tins were reduced to £5 recently, I’ve bought those for a couple of couples

I popped into Morrison’s earlier and they had some lovely peace lilies in ceramic pots for £8. Planning on getting one for a plant loving couple

I look out for 25% off 6 bottles of wine, for gifts and Christmas drinking

Some family members approached us a few years ago abc suggested no presents for the adults, this was a blessed relief!

Since taking the pressure off a bit, buying smaller and planning, I’ve been far less stressed

@Ragwort but why are you buying for all those people.

There's me well DH buys me cos he loves me. I buy him
Dniece she's 17 so under your age limit. Her Dad buys our three kids presents
Dephew he's 4 so ditto. My sister buys my three presents
DTwins as in my kids. They're 2.
DSs best friend it's the only friends we buy, they're 6/7 and she's lovely. It's also a projected thank you for when Mom helps me out
nephews partner so that's 7 in December. the only one where there isn't a reciprocation but it's a token present, her family isn't over here so it's nice to make her feel special.

I never really understood the stopping buying at 18 for nephews and nieces, I love him. The presents aren't huge, bar 18th and 21st and they'll move to kids only when he has them. He isn't some random man.

@speakout

SleepingStandingUp

That's 7- not 15.

You buy your nephew's partner a gift???

That's 7 over one month. Pp said 15 over 2. So if both months are as busy as my Dec that's 14 so 15 over Nov-Dec is crap but doable

And in the years she was in England not her home country yes, because she's family and we wanted to make her feel part of the family. It was a token gift, not a £200 cashmere jumper