Does anyone else get tired of the spend, spend, spend?

[MrsGrinchesHumblePie]

We have a huge family to buy for on DHs side. Then there are relatives on my side. We don’t spend lots per person but as there’s so many babies, children , tweens, teens etc it really adds up. We don’t buy for adults other than a small gift for parents and grandparents.

We then have 2 DC of our own to buy for. On top of that , there’s school raffles , school parties which require nice clothes , school tombolas and family days out to be paid for .

I have finally completed my Christmas shopping but as we are on a low income , it’s taken 12 weeks to do. I’ve just looked at our bank balance and I’m a bit deflated.

We will manage through to the next pay day at the end of December with and we will also be ok through January with conscious spending, but I’m so pleased the spend , spend , spend is over . Does anyone else feel the same?

I buy for five people. And I have to save up all year to be able to, so if I had more to buy for I'd be screwed.

I buy for all of my grandchildren and my children and their partners run a secret Santa between themselves
For each other.

Apart from that I add to the secret Santa just because I want to.

My children all club together to get me something nice snd it’s usually lovely flowers delivered a few days before Christmas and something to open on the day - nothing expensive but usually something very thoughtful.

We tend not to go over the top.

I buy for DH & DD (19) she isn't into expensive things. No big tech items or designer clothes. He buys for me and his DD who is in her 40's so just one modest gift like a hardback book. My elderly cat isn't interesting in toys or treats so no presents needed for her.

This year I am going to get a little gift (about £10) for my masseuse because although yes I pay her, I am so grateful for the massive improvement in my health. I am teaming it with a secondhand (but excellent quality) book by Jo Brand because, well because it's relevant to a conversation we had.

So just 3 people. Who I really want to get presents for and feel happy choosing and wrapping for.

I can appreciate it's hard to say no more but really gifting out of obligation isn't really a gift at all. It's just a tick box exercise and you shouldn't struggle financially when these gifts are unlikely to be appreciated amongst all the other gifts they are receiving. Could you just cut it back to maybe a chocolate Santa each or similar if you feel you can't stop completely? You might find the other parents are relieved to not have to come up with a gift for so many children and can just concentrate on their own.

We were the same but have now decided we are just buying for the kids (nieces and nephews, friends kids) rather than the adults too. It gets to the point you're buying for buyings sake and passing them one bottle to receive another. The effort to think of different things and Also the time and expense needed really adds up. When I suggested we just focus on the kids my friends were actually relived too.

In the same boat as you OP.

Nearly finished but as ridiculous as it sounds I'm exhausted.

I never start early enough so I'm now skint, it's like bloody Jenga in the back of the wardrobe keeping it all hidden. I fucking hate wrapping.

I always feel we put the effort into choosing thoughtful present and no one else really does. I said to DH this year I really don't want to do it next year but that would make us the awkward ones.

I would be very happy buying for each other and the children.

Were a smallish family, 3 children, 2 spouses and 5 grandchildren soon to be six, my dad and my in-laws and finally DSis and her DH. That's it. Then we have 2 December birthdays , 2 January birthdays soon to be 3 then 2 in February.

I buy for 4 nephews / nieces.

I buy for my best friend and her 2 children.

Money for my mother and mother in law plus some smellies for my mother in law to unwrap as she likes them.

I don't buy for siblings or extended family as it's a waste of money - there isn't anything they can buy me that I can't buy for myself.

If I visit someone over Xmas I will take a tin sweets / bottle of something.

On my own family (DH & DC) I go over the top and excessive and do everything chrismassy!

I save my money for my own family!

We only buy for the kids. The adults get treat boxes that we make up every year. I was going to stop doing that. My husband grassed on me to his siblings and they put in complaints . So while I can still be arsed they will get truffles, and home made snickers.

We buy a gift when we are visiting someone's home - e.g. wine, cheese, posh biscuits but no longer buy individual presents. Everyone agreed to it and we are all so much happier.
I hated all the stuff I couldn't use, though the charity shops do miss out.

Every year there are these threads ... people complaining about spending too much but won't consider cutting back on gift giving ... . We have a lovely Christmas, we buy very few presents, or go out for expensive meals or 'paid for' experiences but we still have a really enjoyable time. Focus on what's important to you. .

Op,
You need to totally reorganise the buying, spending and budgeting

We have a specific Xmas fund we pay into every month, along with all our other saving pots.
Even teeny amounts build up over 12 months.

You must pull back from spending on wider family.

It's not fair on your immediate family and children.
If you feel u can't stop presents then try and organise a secret santa.
Personally I don't think people who are struggling should be bankrupting themselves over Xmas and not even in gifts you want to give

We have cut our Christmas present list right down, particularly as we have both my & DD’s birthday in December as well. I used to buy for friends but now it’s only close family & I might do the £5 Secret Santa at work although my gift last year was shit!

I hear you! I don't have a massive family and only buy for my side (DH buys for his side of the family).

From me, I feel like I've made a rod for my own back setting a precedent and buying for our cleaner, dog walker, lollipop lady etc. It's generally just booze and chocolate and I try and regift things I already have (I don't like prosecco but people keep buying it for me!). It's just habit now with now real thought or personal touch but it feels like it would go noticed if I stopped!

@Ragwort

Every year there are these threads ... people complaining about spending too much but won't consider cutting back on gift giving ... . We have a lovely Christmas, we buy very few presents, or go out for expensive meals or 'paid for' experiences but we still have a really enjoyable time. Focus on what's important to you. .

It’s not just presents though is it.

It’s the nice food. The special drinks. The extra nuts, chocolates, dates, sweets. The tree, the cards, the wrapping paper, , the decorative bits ( or paint/stamps/pens/ reusable ribbon, for the eco friendly “ cheap” plain brown wrapping. The advent calendar, the ingredients to bake/cook/preserve for the school fete or cheap gifts, the work secrect Santa.
The Christmas activities; Panto, Santa’s Grotto, plastic ice rink in town.
The work Christmas party, the neighbours party ( bring a bottle ), the friends Christmas drinks party ( bottle and cheese ), the best friends drinks party ( bottle, cheese and gift).
The Christmas Eve meal ;takeaway or seafood . The Christmas breakfast ; smoked salmon, the Danish, crackers, napkins, the big roast and trimmings, a pudding with at least three of single cream, thick creamy ice cream, brandy butter, custard. Rolls, pickles of various types.
Foil and cling film for days to wrap it all up in.

@CommanderBurnham

I'm sick of it tbh. Especially this past year where I myself have been happier living a simpler less cluttered life. The idea of buying buying buying leaves me feeling a little bit disgusted with myself. I don't judge anyone who has a splurge at Christmas but I am on the same page. A lot of the things are so unnecessary too. Im buying everyone nice consumables this year

Couldn't have put it better myself

Its all too much and I'm turned off the rampant commercialism of it. I am trying to lead a simpler life and I don't want more stuff.

We do a secret Santa between my siblings & partners and a couple of other family members. My nieces and nephews get a small gift each from me. I might get my parents something small too.

We don’t buy presents in general any more. We have never bought for nephews and nieces or our siblings. We buy token presents for my parents, and one present each for our adult children. DP and I don’t buy for each other.

I agree, it's not just presents but all the little bits that all add up.
I'm normally quite frugal but in recent weeks I feel like every day money is just flying out of my account.
I buy for our 2 DC and my husband, our nephew, MIL and that's about it. But then there's also
Festive activities (1 concert and 2 light trail type things spread over a month, kids really love these outings but they are expensive added up)
Small gifts for childminder, teachers, friends you visit. Small stocking filler type bits for friends' kids we'll see (gel pens, sweets and lip balms etc), as it seems mean not to bring them something.
All the food. Snacks. Booze, including for gifting.

I feel you.
We buy for the kids at school in our little group and there's 7 Mom's so 15 kids. Plus three old school friends so another 5 kids. 5 nieces / nephews with two partners. Two NCT friends so 5 kids. And that's without my three, two of whom have a birthday just before Xmas. Three siblings, three lots of parents between us. Each other. It's just never ending.

So many of the things listed on here are totally optional!

Honestly, it would be far better for the planet and your bank balances to rein in the spending.

The fun of Christmas isn't in all the "stuff" bought out of duty, so stop doing it.

I asked my children what they loved about Christmas (age 6-14)

• walks to see Christmas lights
• Christmas carols
• making paper Snowflakes
• decorating biscuits
• watching Christmas Films...

I don't do: teacher gifts, gifts for anyone who isn't family, endless expensive experiences, massive piles of gifts for the children, ridiculous food purchasing frenzy,...

That might make me sound like a Grinch but it is quite the opposite, I love.christrmas, I just don't like the mindless consumption

Carol concerts, wintery walks,. Christmas books and films, a collection of decorations gathered over many years, hunting down the best Christmas lights, singing Christmas songs in the car.... You don't need to spend money relentlessly to feel festive

Such an expensive time of year. I also have four close family members with birthdays in Nov/Dec. A couple of years ago I decided to suggest to a few friends that we no longer exchange gifts as it was just becoming too much. I was worried about appearing mean or mean spirited but to be honest they seemed relieved. One friend had wanted to make the suggestion herself but was also worried about sounding mean. We meet up for meals, drinks etc over Christmas and would rather spend the money on that. I have quite a large family (I'm one of five) and when the children started coming along we stopped buying for each other and only bought gifts for the kids. There are 11 of them and I have to start buying their gifts around September. It's still a bit of a struggle sometimes but planning ahead and looking for stuff in the sales makes it doable. My siblings would definitely understand if I told them that I couldn't do it but it makes me happy to treat my Nieces and Nephews.
I do feel for parents that are already struggling financially at this time of year

I have scaled back Christmas shopping. It is not just about the money, I dislike shopping

Not really. Family wise, DH gets everything for his side and I don’t really have any family left. Used to get some things when his sister’s kids were younger but they are the age they want vouchers or cash now so we just stick something in an envelope with some chocolate.

I have decided we’re not having Christmas this year. I have had a shitty 18 months and cba.
I usually end up doing absolutely everything and I have had enough. The world won’t end if Christmas doesn’t happen and I absolutely loathe all the commercialisation and being expected to spend money I don’t have just for the sake of it.
Last Christmas in isolation was the nicest, least stressful Christmas I have ever had. We did very little and I loved it.
My DCs completely agree and the rest of my family will have to lump it.