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Christmas

From present ideas to party food, find all your Christmas inspiration here.

Original poster

Two DDs with very different present lists... WWYD?

67 replies

DuesToTheDirt · 30/11/2021 22:56

This has been an issue all their lives. DD2 wants many things, and makes a comprehensive list of her desires. DD1 never wants anything. I mean, anything. She never asks for anything or writes a list - one year I made her write a list and it consisted of "a book (unspecified), chocolates and a nice surprise" Hmm.

They are now adults and this hasn't changed. Most years I've managed to even up the presents by finding things to buy for DD1, but while a few presents have been successful, there are many things I have bought her that she hasn't used at all. I am tired of the waste of money, and in particular this year, with concern for the planet, I really don't want to buy things for the sake of it. Meanwhile DD2 has, as usual, produced a list and DH has already bought her half of the things on it.

Anyone else have children like this? I don't want the rest of us to get presents to open and DD1 just to have an envelope of money. (Don't suggest makeup, spa days, clothes vouchers etc - she is just not interested). DH wants a shaver, I am happy with socks tbh, but might get a new sofa throw to replace our holey one, so we will have things to open as well.

What to do to make it nice for DD1?

OP posts:
MintyCedric · 01/12/2021 07:52

I think it was on here I saw a post a few years ago from someone who bought her DD a gift card for a different place each month and used them to fill her Christmas Stocking.

Could you do something like that?

A selection of gift cards (you could buy some fancy envelopes and trim to make them more present-y) in a stocking with a few small bits...chocolate, hand cream, bottle of her favourite wine.

AndMatt · 01/12/2021 07:58

I've got vouchers for a comedy club for my adult DS who doesn't want anything.

I'm very pleased with myself this yearGrin

User00000000 · 01/12/2021 08:01

Ask if there is anything she needs for her house. Doesn't have to be a traditional present. New toaster, vacuum cleaner, pots and pans, good quality pillows etc.

I really appreciated that stuff when I was young.

Frankzappa22 · 01/12/2021 08:01

Just thought of an idea - can you take her to a Christmas light show? I only know London ones and not sure where you live but somewhere like Kew Gardens. Though maybe weird to take one daughter and not the other

careerchangeperhaps · 01/12/2021 08:03

As they're adults, surely one present each is sufficient. Less is more - save the planet - and all that.

InconvenientPeg · 01/12/2021 08:08

I only buy consumable presents unless it's something specific that's been asked for. So alcohol I know they drink, or chocolate they like or soap (but only if I know it's a brand they use). Because everyone has so much stuff!

Branleuse · 01/12/2021 08:20

Id talk to her and find out if she would prefer money or if theres something she really needs or wants but cant justify.

bigbluebus · 01/12/2021 08:21

DS is like this now although he wasn't like it as a child. He also has an end of November birthday so it's a double whammy. Fortunately he's been a poor student for the last 4 years so new clothing is always welcome but he doesn't go out much and wears a uniform for work 5 dats a week so doesn't need a lot. He is also very fussy so whilst he did say he'd like some aftershave he wants to choose his own rather than give me a choice of scents. And he is unlikely to go and sniff some until Christmas week!

Bimblybomeyelash · 01/12/2021 08:28

I think most people appreciate a lovely hamper of lovely food.

Babyghirl · 01/12/2021 08:30

Try having a look at golden moments they do all sorts of experiences you might find something on there.

ittakes2 · 01/12/2021 08:31

why don't you ask her what she would find nice? Maybe she would prefer money. Don't force 'things' on her if she would prefer money.

Aposterhasnoname · 01/12/2021 08:35

I’d go practical if she has her own home now. So depending on budget, robo vac, coffee machine, ring doorbell, Alexa etc. or you mentioned books, does she have a kindle.

junebirthdaygirl · 01/12/2021 08:36

My dd was like this. Too many presents upset her and nearly ruined the day. Ds loved everything. The more the merrier. As they have got older earning their own money we have settled on Secret Santa using the App and the idea that no one knows who has who adds to the excitement. A budget is set and we can add to our wish list on the App or go for a surprise. Everyone is much happier as no mad buying and we all have a nice present. Ds has a partner now who can buy him his wishlist and dd loves the present opening time now.
Just cut back.

FlamingoQueen · 01/12/2021 08:39

As an adult I’ve never given my parents a list of things I want for Christmas! I usually receive money and a little something to open.

DisappointingAvocado · 01/12/2021 08:43

My brother is a more extreme version, in that there is literally nothing he wants or needs and hasn't been for years. Each year he now suggests a charity and we make a donation to it. He's still been very generous with gifting in return from my wish list. He is extremely non-materialistic and I respect that.

Ragwort · 01/12/2021 08:45

Does she give you presents?

Maybe it's time to just stop the whole charade of things 'to open', give both DDs cash so they can choose exactly what they want and a box of their favourite chocolates.

We gave up on big family Christmas presents ages ago, (cash gets distributed discreetly Grin) it really doesn't make the celebrations any less special, you can still enjoy all the other aspects of Christmas and have a lovely family time.

FrancineSmith · 01/12/2021 08:47

I’m like your DD1 and I know it frustrates my mum. I also have a DD2 the same. I just don’t want to accumulate more ‘stuff’ and I hate wasting money on things people won’t use, or having them waste money on things I won’t use.

For me, while I couldn’t tell you anything specific I want, if you wanted to get me a surprise the ideal gifts would be tickets to a show or gig, a trip or something to do together with the gift giver. Consumables like chocolate or nice biscuits (not alcohol). A replacement or upgrade to something that’s on its last legs, like the year my mum asked me to choose a lovely bedding set I would never have spent the money on myself.

When DD has just had money, we’ve wrapped notes up individually in random sized boxes or along with some chocolates or sweets. That way she still has a few parcels to open and everybody’s happy.

Duvetflower · 01/12/2021 09:04

I don't want the rest of us to get presents to open and DD1 just to have an envelope of money.
But what does she want?
I really dislike stuff for the sake of stuff and big piles of presents, so I can empathise with your DD. I know you're trying to be nice, but she doesn't want stuff, you tying yourself in knots trying to buy the right things is making you both miserable. She's probably feeling really guilty about you wasting money and effort on things she doesn't want.

Just give her cash, wrap it up in a fun novel way or buy her lots of cheap essentials (things you know she uses not a hamper type thing) so there's something to open.

MindyStClaire · 01/12/2021 09:08

This could be my DH and BIL. BIL has lots of hobbies (yes, chiefly cycling Grin ) and has a long list of expensive gadgets every year. DH is thoroughly unmaterialistic and genuinely doesn't want anything. He's impossible to buy for.

DH and BIL are just very different and I don't think he feels hard done by when he gets less at Christmas, especially because BIL has written the list so it's not like there is unequal thought put into them. He just genuinely doesn't care for presents.

closedown · 01/12/2021 09:14

Just get food, I guess? As a child I always made lists but as an adult I just never really want anything. I mean - anything I want, I buy myself, unless it's too expensive, in which case I can't put it on a christmas list anyway!

So I usually say I want nothing, but if pushed (and my God my family really do push) I just say food. Chocolate or something. At least it won't clutter up my house.

festivefuschias · 01/12/2021 09:56

She’s an adult and it sounds like she might prefer cash. I’d give cash with just one token present; it’s such a waste buying things that she doesn’t use for the sake of it.

sunshinesupermum · 01/12/2021 10:02

I don't see the need to buy lots of presents for adult children. My adult DDs are usually easy to buy for and one/two gifts each plus another to share with their partners. This year DD1 has a book I know she wants and DD2 a pair of fingerless gloves she asked for plus a candle I know she loves. DD1 has 2 children for whom I buy loads so she doesn't expect more than one gift only. Plant pots for both DDs and their partners.

Marcipex · 01/12/2021 10:06

Please don’t wrap up loo rolls :(

Could you ask any of her friends for ideas?

I like Premium Bonds myself

Smileatthesmallthings · 01/12/2021 10:11

If she really doesn't want anything then something practical to unwrap perhaps; a decent thermal bottle, like SHO or Chilly's always comes in handy. I love mine and have gifted a few to people who have always loved them. I love a warm pair of gloves or a new bobble hat. DP and I are really struggling when people ask us for gift ideas as there's really nothing we want, and if we do they are expensive and we wouldn't like to ask for them. We've asked for a couple of new board games, fun tea towels and a clock. We've each bought our own gift from one another Grin

averylongtimeago · 01/12/2021 10:14

@IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads

Sounds like our family, where I am adult dd1!

On the offchance you’re my mum, I’d like some decent walking socks eg: Bridgedske or Darn Tough, a blue-based fair isle sweater from The Croft House and Bic 4 colour biros in unusual colours.

My DD and DiL always ask me what I want, and your list is perfect!