Christmas with PIL’s big dog

[Cariah]

Earlier this year PIL got a husky dog from a rescue centre. It has old injuries and obviously suffered past trauma. A few times it has dragged the lead out of FIL’s hand and run off after cats. It jumps up on visitors and tries to hump. They haven’t trained it at all. It hasn’t bitten anyone... yet.

It hasn’t been an issue because we haven’t visited due to Covid. DH has popped in by himself a few times but DC have never been. But we’re invited on Christmas Day. I’m concerned the dog may be a risk to my DC aged 3 and 5. A big dog needs to be impeccably trained otherwise it’s a risk. We already know it jumps up and chases small animals. I’m worried if DC are running around and squealing it might bite.

It’s harder because BIL has DC the same age and isn’t bothered at all, he’s been to visit with his DC already and I’ve seen photos of his DC climbing all over the dog. So how can we say we’re concerned when BIL clearly isn’t? We already know that PIL will be massively offended if we tell the truth that we don’t trust their dog.

What would you do? DH reckons we should just say DC are afraid of big dogs and ask if their dog can stay in the bedroom during our visit on Christmas Day. Our DC are little people with faces at dog height, the dog only has to bite once and DC is disfigured. We think BIL is nuts for letting his DC climb on it.

I would ask them to have the dog secured somewhere that your children won't be able to get at it. For their safety and the dog's comfort. Will you BIL be there though?

I'm always wary of dogs tbh around my DC.
I wouldn't feel comfortable either.
All you can do is ask op and go from there.

It doesn't matter if BIL isn't concerned, you both are.

Yes BIL and family are going on Christmas Day too.

I love dogs but wouldn’t go under these circumstances. I think an awkward conversation is better than risking a nasty bite.

I would just have an honest conversation with PIL. It’s not unusual for people to feel this way and although he might be a little upset it saves the awkwardness of putting your children in the centre and them potentially questioning your children on their ‘fear’.

This comes from a dog owner with a young child. I love them both dearly and for this reason I would never put in a situation of being unsupervised or put my dog in a situation where he was being climbed all over. I was also bitten on the face by one of our family dogs when I was younger (unprovoked) so your concerns are justified imho.

They're letting children climb all over an elderly rescue dog that suffered past trauma! Are they fucking nuts?! Apart from the fact that the dog could turn at any second (as could any dog, rescue or not) but how cruel to the poor dog!
Ask them to keep the dog in another room (probably best for the dog) and if bil late his child clim b all over it when you are there please say something.

We can’t decide if we’re being ridiculous not wanting DC next to a big dog, or if it’s sensible. It would be different if the dog was well behaved and trained to a word.

@Cariah

We can’t decide if we’re being ridiculous not wanting DC next to a big dog, or if it’s sensible. It would be different if the dog was well behaved and trained to a word.

It's sensible

They're letting children climb all over an elderly rescue dog that suffered past trauma! Are they fucking nuts?!
I don’t think it’s elderly, it’s probably about 4-5. No idea if trauma is from violence or something like a car accident. The rescue said someone obviously cared a lot to pay for the expensive surgery to repair those injuries. My main concern is it has big teeth and no training and jumps on people.

I wouldn't go unless the dog was put in kennels.

Ok well at least that clarifies that we’re not just being paranoid!

"Earlier this year PIL got a husky dog from a rescue centre. It has old injuries and obviously suffered past trauma."

So 4 small children (presumably quite excited and perhaps a bit tired from waiting for Santa). 1 traumatised dog. Noise, wrapping paper, etc etc.
Not a good mix.
Can your husband pop round for a coffee & mince pie and you live then to it?

You're not being ridiculous at all, and I'm a dog owner. No way would I put my children at risk in this way. Never mind what your BIL does - just make sure you protect your own children as you sound like a really sensible mum.

The thing about asking them to put the dog in the bedroom though - I suspect the dog won't be happy with that for long and will be scratching at the door/barking. It then won't be long before your PILs are bringing the dog back downstairs. I would be prepared for that to happen.

I would ask if they would mind you bringing a stair gate so the dog can be contained in a room.

I don't think locking it in the bedroom is ideal. It will probably scratch at the door. But if it was say in the kitchen or dining room it could still have company and people can pop in and see it.

I've always had dogs and absolutely love them, but I'm always concerned about any dog that is too big/strong for the owner to restrain if required. I find it concerning that your FIL is in this position with this dog and understand why you are concerned. I'd never own a dog that I couldn't restrain, lift, and in the worst case scenario wrestle/pin to the ground, and would be very wary of having a dog that size around DD (3).

If you've not actually met the dog, but your bil and his children have and haven't found it to be a problem, why do you think it's vicious? Surely if they've had hands on experience with it, they'd know its temperament better than you. Just because a dog jumps up, doesn't mean it's nasty.

It's not reasonable to have it shut in the bedroom all day. It'll whine and bark when it hears the rest of you. So if you're worried about a dog you've never met, you'd be best not to go. You'll just make the whole day stressful for everyone.

Putting it in kennels for the day is ridiculous.

I'd just be honest and say you're a bit nervous about DCs being around the dog when he's still jumping up etc as it would be easy for them to be knocked over. I would ask that they keep him on the lead rather than in a bedroom, especially when you first enter the house.

If you've never met the dog, it might be that once he's gotten over the excitement of new people entering he sits and chills and you won't need to be worried at all, as long as your DC have been advised not to climb on him, grab him etc. I think it's a good sign that he's familiar with your BIL's children and seems to handle them well.

Long term presumably your DC will go to their grandparents house so you won't be able to avoid this dog forever? I would do the visit over Christmas as long as the dog is on the lead when you enter and GPs are willing to separate him from the children whenever he gets overexcited.

It’s unreasonable that your children have yet to meet this dog, when they do first meet of course the dog is going to be unpredictable beverages he doesn’t know you or the children! Silly to not have introduced them before now. I’d be introducing them in the next few weeks before Christmas so the dog is atleast familiar with who you are. Your BIL isn’t concerned because his children have spent time with the dog, it isn’t rocket science. You either introduce your children to the dog ASAP or don’t bother going because its not fair for the dog to be isolated in its own home because of your concerns that are easily fixed.

I have had dogs all my life. I have a large dog (significantly bigger than a husky, and “wolfy” looking, also.) I don’t think that anyone should let their kids crawl on dogs (of any size) or be around them unsupervised. Your in-laws are being utterly negligent. If their kids accidentally hurt the dog, it wouldn’t take much for the dog to nip or snap and cause a significant injury to the child and generally it will be to the kid’s face. I wouldn’t risk it. As the dog is untrained, and may have had some kind of trauma, it’s more likely again.

Not worth the risk!

Honestly though if everyone is going to be there and the status quo is that the dog is there in the middle of it all it's going to be awkward at best. You'll be swimming against the tide - other kids asking why doggy is shut away/on a lead, your kids being curious and badgering to play with dog, dog howling if it's not used to being away from the action. Bad feeling all round.

If it were me, I think I would invent a reason why you are not coming over, Covid or something else. Honestly the easiest way. And they'll be bigger next year and/or the dog will have bitten someone and be gone/dog will have been trained/anything could have happened.

I would probably try and do a very short visit before hand - I know time is tight now.
Keep very close eye on the dog and your kids. The likelihood is that the dog will be too much for your 3 year old and you can then use this visit tonillustrate that the dog will need to be separated or you cannot go.

I just wouldn’t go. It’s not fair to the dog really, let alone the risk to small people! It’s also not fair asking the dog to be put in a room for the day. Especially a rescue, if the history is not fully known it could set his, very limited, training/security back.
Don’t go, let them be annoyed. They’d be devastated if something happened and have only themselves to blame

I have 3 dogs. Absolutely no way would I ever let children crawl all over a dog ( rescue or otherwise). My dogs are used to children and love them, but I still wouldn't allow them unsupervised around kids. That's just crazy. And then it's always the dogs fault if something happens. If you ILs cannot supervise the dog or remove it ( am also thinking children/food/dog which is never good. My dogs are always put somewhere else when kids/people are eating. Either dog is removed or I wouldn't be going.

I don't think Christmas day is the best time for your DC to be introduced to this dog as you don't know what reactions will be from either party and Christmas is a time of much excitement for small people and lots of new sounds and smells for dogs. I would not be allowing my small children anywhere near this dog on Christmas day - an earlier more controlled introduction would need to happen first where the attention of adults is solely on the introduction and interaction between them.
Unless the dog is guaranteed to be placed in another room for the duration then you're not being unreasonable to not want to be there.

Yanbu.
I am an experienced dog owner.

The dog needs to be confined and kept very separate from your kids.

It's too late for sorrys and tears once half your child's face is hanging off.
This happened to my cousin. my mum was told two months previous she round chastised and told she was hysterical and making a scene over keeping us separate from the very same dog.

You can get staircases on free cycle or Fb marketplace for a free or a tenner.

If the dog is let out you need to leave or insist he is put back.

I would have I very clear upfront conversation so there are no "Oh I didn't realise X wasn't okay" or "we were only doing Y for minute"
Or the ever irritating "but they are friendly and just want to play"