How to get out of family gatherings at Christmas?

[MsMiaWallace]

I am dreading a family gathering on Boxing Day.
They don't bother all year with the kids or us then suddenly Christmas a fuss is made. I find it fake & a real stress.
I feel anxious thinking about it.

How do you politely get out of such gatherings?

Do you live nearby?…. I use distance as an excuse as my and dh’s family are hours away

Just say no sorry I’ve got other plans and don’t go

P.s. those ‘other plans’ can involve sitting on your sofa eating chocolate, it’s a very valid plan

Just say no thank you, we’ve other plans. If you don’t see them all year, why does it matter?

We only live about 10 mins away.

Surely they are bothering with the kids at Christmas?

I never understood why people think their children are there to be the centre of attention

We only generally only see our families at Christmas and special occasions

If you dont go the gulf will widen further unless of course that's what you want in which case don't go

Christmas is a time for families to reunite but it's entirely up to you if you don't want to go then don't.

Why are you dreading it so much?

No, we’re staying at home this year. Thanks for the invitation though. We’ll catch up in the new year.

You have to be utterly firm though. If any weakness or hesitation is sensed, that will be their cue(sp?) to start making a fuss and claiming that Christmas will be ruined if they don’t have their family around them.

And if they try that anyway, the only response is ‘Come on, you’re being silly now. I don’t expect tantrums from adults. You have your Christmas, we’ll have ours and we’ll see you in the new year’.

I know they've bought the kids a load of presents for Christmas.

There is a real lack of effort all year. For example it's DS's birthday today.
No card. Just a text to wish happy birthday.

Could one of the kids develop a cough on boxing day morning?

Every year we had a big gathering at my father in laws house on Boxing Day (my husband had five brothers). I didn't see most of the people one year to the next, and as I am the second wife felt a bit like an interloper. I didn't particularly enjoy it, but it was once a year so I sucked it up and went. I think you should do the same, for one thing I saw what not seeing their grandparents did to my husband's first children.

maddy68

Christmas is a time for families to reunite but it's entirely up to you if you don't want to go then don't.“

Depends on the family

Just say 'no' that you have other plans and take the kids out for the day, and turn off your mobiles.

I think if they’re only ten minutes away I’d suck up the fakeness and drop in for an hour or two.

Do your DC enjoy it/like the presents?

Pretend you’ve got covid symptoms a few days before? Or just be honest ‘I can’t come, maybe another time’

Just say one of you has tested positive for covid. Text them 2 days before the event.

To be fair have thought about Covid.

There are a lot of historics here that I won't go into.
But everything is always on their terms.
This weekend we are having a joint birthday party for my boys. I invited them & said the kids would love it if you came, they are the grandparents so naturally this is the case.
It's no more than 2 hours out of their day.
The response to invite was, do we have to come?

They have gifted you the reply back.
'Do we have to come?'

Ms Mia,
"But everything is always on their terms."

So now is as good a time as any to put a stop to it.

"The response to invite was, do we have to come?"

Appalling attitude.

All the more reason not to go at Christmas.

Download a good book onto the Kindle app on your phone, sneak into the loo as often as possible, blame tummy upset if challenged. Or similar.

I totally get how you feel! I just suspect that, as in martial arts, the effort to block it is much harder and more painful than just sidestepping most of it.

Pop round for an hour to be friendly and get the presents, then claim a prior engagement and zoom off.

Say I cannot come.

I totally get this op. Boxing Day is a big thing in my family whereas I've learnt that I want to stay home and relax usually. Plus my family are hard work in general.

Just say you'd rather stay home.

I have young dc and tell them I want to spend Boxing Day chilling out after Christmas Day. Boxing day is usually the day that gifts get out together or tried out in this house. Sometimes no time on Christmas day itself.

Do your dc meet cousins there and have fun
I would go for that reason alone. My dc are grown now and one lives abroad. He asked me at weekend is there a plan to meet family at Christmas. This stems from his happy memories of meeting all his cousins at a Christmas get together and wants it to continue. So if there is a good feeling in it for your dc l would do it.
Is there one or two there that you would enjoy chatting to so there is something in it for you?
Did GPS mean today that all the shrieking children at a party would be too much for them or are they that rude and blunt usually?
Covid in some form is a great out this year.