How to get out of family gatherings at Christmas?

[MsMiaWallace]

I am dreading a family gathering on Boxing Day.
They don't bother all year with the kids or us then suddenly Christmas a fuss is made. I find it fake & a real stress.
I feel anxious thinking about it.

How do you politely get out of such gatherings?

Having read all your posts I’d just say I’m not coming because I can’t be bothered , in the same way as you can’t be bothered to come to the childrens party . If they are the in-laws and your husband doesn’t want to offend just send him with the children .

I don't think you CAN be polite: "no thanks - we just don't want to come" is true but rude.
You could go early for an hour and say you've been invited elsewhere and leave, or go late when they're finishing up for a short while.
Or you could pretend illness if you really can't face it.

Move 12,000 miles away. Works a treat.

If it was me I'd tell them the truth. 'Sorry but I don't see why I should spend Christmas with you all when you don't want to speak to me any other time of year'. If it causes trouble there's nothing lost as they wouldn't speak to you anyway, right?

I'd go with the 'sorry, we have plans, hope you have a lovely Christmas, see you in the New Year.'

If they don't like it Tough Shit.

Blame Covid. "We're concerned about this new variant, and until we know what's what and how serious it might be, we'd be happier staying put this year."

You could also amend/add to include "and until we know what's what we'd rather not put you at risk." if that might help to appease their sensitivities.

For all we know at the moment, this new strain may turn out to be something that does force us back into restrictions and lockdowns (I do hope not) and decisions like these could be taken out of our hands. But it is a reasonable excuse, even if it is just an excuse. I've just had my booster and have kept masked on public transport, but I'm still careful around my mum because she's very vulnerable (post-cancer), despite being fully jabbed.

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I'd be very upset if grandparents whined about "having to" visit their not-too-far-away grandchild for a short while on their birthday. Blame the 'rona and don't feel bad about it. It's on them that they make things awkward, and I wouldn't want any children picking up on that atmosphere. Better to be happy at home without that nonsense.

Hope you have a nice Christmas, whatever happens. x

Are you me? We barely see my in laws, they only live half an hour away. I hate the gathering on Boxing Day. I mean yes it’s only one day but I’m thinking of pulling a sickie this year.

I just find it so fake.
I'm not interested in the material presents I'd rather more effort be put in time spent with them & love throughout the year.
Actually showing an interest you know.

Buying loads of gifts for the kids sounds like a lazy way of trying to be seen as being involved. It's the day to day stuff that matters. My kids see my mum every week, they love her.

Just look at the reasons behind why you're going. If you hate it and you have no real relationship, and they have fobbed your kids off on their birthday, then of course there's no reason to put yourself out.

I get everyone has very different views on both family dynamics and Christmas, but in my book, relationships are mutual and earned. I don't see blood relation alone as an obligation.