Why do people want to spend Christmas with people who don’t want to spend Christmas with them?

[Pitavina]

This seems to be a common theme, seems to be mainly with in laws. I always spend Christmas with my parents and sometimes my siblings come which is great and other times they go to their in laws or decide not to travel and spend it at home which is also absolutely fine. Last year we spent it at home because my parents were worried about covid so didn’t want to spend it with us, also absolutely fine. My parents are really easy going, it’s open house if we want to go but absolutely fine if we were to go somewhere else.

This year my PILs are in the U.K. for the first time but have visitors from overseas for Christmas. dH is really worried their plans will fall through because of covid and travel restrictions and they will ask us to cancel our plans and spend Christmas with them (which none of us want to do). I think he might be right but I don’t understand why anyone would want someone to cancel what they want to do for Christmas to spend it with them. I would rather spend Christmas alone than feel like the people I was with would rather be somewhere else, particularly children, Christmas for me is all about the kids.

This has never happened to us before because PiL always chose to spend it overseas. But it’s common among my friends that they offend whichever family they don’t spend it with and they family get grumpy about it.

* Lol it seems your Mum does all the leg work so you get to chill on christmas and you can’t believe you might need to do some actual work for a change.*

^This. All of OPs post are I, I and I. I imagine her kids and husband have no say at all.

Hard back writer,

That's pretty much what in laws actions said to us over the years.
Unfortunately for them a snooker ball hit them when we had children.
They even said to dh "we are so missing your dc this year". Not him , certainly not me... But not even their own son.

@drpet49

But it's not like the ops in laws have done any "actual work" over Xmas.

Stick to your plans OP regardless of what happens with InLaws.

They haven’t made you a priority before so why should you and your family suffer to be their plan B as you have said. Have they mentioned you going to theirs since year since they are in the UK or does their overseas visitors take priority?

Where did "They've invited guests from Germany" come from @Sn0tnose?

I think if your husband doesn’t wish to see them then it’s just they don’t understand he doesnt. I’m sure when your kids grow up it would be something you’d find difficult to grasp unless spelled out to you

If he’s just saying he doesn’t want to go keep you happy then you should go becayse you always spend it with yout parents.

If I’m brutally honest there’s a petulant child undertone to your posts. Pretending it’s all about thr kids when quite frankly it’s clear you’d rather be with your own family. You can make your kids cmas special where ever.

YANBU, if they generally prefer to be overseas for xmas then you are second choice anyway well maybe third after overseas guests.

Only way YABU is if they have expressed an interest in spending xmas with you previously and you knocked them back.

Tbh I wouldn’t want to spend xmas with anyone who was just tolerating me, it would be shit.

@Pitavina

No, it’s clear our first choice is to spend the day with my parents and the kids are excited to see all their cousins. The PIL definitely know that.

You do sound really nasty. I’m sure you wouldn’t be so happy if your kids didn’t ever want to spend Christmas with you.

@A580Hojas

Where did "They've invited guests from Germany" come from *@Sn0tnose*?

Yeah, that confused me too.