SIL and FC expectations

[MsJuniper]

We are staying with PIL this Christmas with our DC aged 8 & 3. SIL has now decided to come too with her DC aged 10 & 7. We all get on pretty well although there can be tensions at times.

My family have always gone all out for Christmas whereas DH's family are quite low-key. DH and I tend to meet in the middle but still do more in terms of decs, food, presents etc than his family. Our DC have a Santa sack which usually has about 10 items around £1-£15. I love shopping for them, finding bargains (thanks Reastie et al) and have got lots ready already.

The last time we were all together at Christmas was about 4 years ago and the children were relatively young. SIL had bought two presents for her DC1 and one for her DC2 for their stockings. We toned down our stocking for DS and I bought a couple of stocking fillers for both families so it kind of evened things out. Still, SIL's DC1 did notice that my DS got more.

This year, it may be the last time my DS believes and it will be harder to tone down the presents without him noticing. I'm not sure if SIL's DC1 believes but she will definitely notice discrepancies. The children will be sharing a room too.

DH is going to message SIL to see what her plan is and he has suggested that we could tell the children that FC is leaving some presents at our house for when we get back on the 28th but I am worried that it will end up with my DC being disappointed or working out the truth at the wrong moment.

I feel like I am going to be railroaded into something I don't want but obviously I don't want my DNs to have their Christmas upset either. How would you handle it?

TLDR: two families staying together have different Santa expectations. How to handle without disappointing either set of children?

@actiongirl1978

Wow. I wouldn't be going. Sorry but your children come first.

I would probably think the same TBH. Offer to get some extra stocking presents for her kids, just cheap stuff to bulk theirs out. If she declines, I would go elsewhere.

If SIL is coming from abroad could you have your DC do stockings in your room and then explain that because their cousins have to fly back on a plane Father Christmas couldn’t give them too many gifts due to luggage restrictions and so ask them to only take a couple of their toys out to show their cousins so as not to upset them?

[quote Hercisback]@mam0918

So Christmas is just consumerism to you. How lovely.[/quote]
No Christmas is about not dragging my children around for the whims of other adults and not sacrificing their childhood whimsy because others are miserable grinches.

They are little once and I'm not going to waste it's so miserable old drunk 'self-appointed tat police' aunt Karen can feel superior telling my kids they are 'spoilt consumerists' for enjoying something as normal as a fucking Xmas stocking.

You clearly have Christmas related ishooos.

They are little once and I'm not going to waste it's so miserable old drunk 'self-appointed tat police' aunt Karen can feel superior telling my kids they are 'spoilt consumerists' for enjoying something as normal as a fucking Xmas stocking.

I was with you until you used the sexist and derogatory Karen.

Equally difficult for both families. If possible I would stay at home Christmas morning and then drive to PIL later in the day or boxing day. On Christmas day the dc, from both families, come first. You dh can wait and see them boxing day.

Totally misses point of thread- what's "reastie et al"?

Perhaps you could send the children a letter from Santa on the day? It could say something to the effect of him not realising they were staying with family so had delivered their presents to their own home, but wanted to make sure that they still have a few things to open so had brought some of their presents across to their grandparents house. As it’s obviously a busy night for Santa and his elves, he had to leave the rest of their presents at home for them to open when they get back?… or something like that?

I would sent a letter from Santa to your children, saying that as they are with family some gifts may be delivered to their house, waiting for them as it would be too difficult to bring everything back.

We did this one year when we were over Christmas with my mum, it worked like a dream and DD never questioned it.

Thanks so much for all your input and ideas. It's a long journey for us and things are booked for the run up to Christmas so no possibility of popping over after presents. More importantly everyone is super excited to be together after a long absence.

SIL's kids are definitely not hard done by, she just does things differently. Mine probably do get a bit of tat but it's always loved. It doesn't really matter either way, it's just explaining the sudden change without ruining the magic at a crucial moment.

DH is contacting SIL so hopefully we can find a middle ground that works for us all. And maybe Santa will have left a few extra gifts waiting at home when we get back!

@lynntheyresexpeople

Totally misses point of thread- what's "reastie et al"?

Long running Christmas bargain thread, started by Reastie who is a prolific bargain Hunter

If SIL is flying in, she will be restricted by presents anyway won’t she, so probably best to leave some at home as she may be too