Christmas drama

[Tirediam]

It does my head in! I want to ask my parents (in their 70s) for dinner with me and my family but know that the rest of the family will go apeshit if I don’t ask them as well. I don’t want to ask any more people as want a chilled day, don’t want a shit load of other peoples kids here and want my young children to be able to just play with their toys and relax without older kids screaming the place down. Bear in mind other relatives have never offered to host or even attempted to, they just expect my elderly folks to do it for them AGAIN even though they have said they don’t want to. I just want to have Christmas with my parents and own family… why does there have to be so much drama around Christmas !?!
Don’t even know if im looking for a response… just wanted to get it out!!

Honestly, let them go apeshit. Have wonderful Christmas!

Are the "rest of the family" your siblings and their children? Your parents might not want to do that anyway

@Hetyanni

Honestly, let them go apeshit. Have wonderful Christmas!

This!

Who are the ones who would complain? Are they siblings if yours? Have you even asked your parents if that's what they would like to do?
If it is, then sod anyone else. It sounds like no one would be left alone and you only have do many Christmases, might as well spend at least some of them doing what you want

Who is everyone else?

Will your parents want to spend as with you and not see them heir other family?

ask your parents
don't ask anyone else.
ignore drama

the end

My Nans was the house every one to on xmas day for lunch. When she got to her 80s she said one year it was the last time.

Not one of her sons (3 of them) invited her to their homes the following year. I offered and she has been with me every year since (even during lockdown)

You’re the only one looking out for your parents’ interests. So invite them, and no one else! And If anyone does go mad, tell them they can host your parents next year.

Yes siblings, their kids. One of their partners who we hardly know.
My mum wants someone to cook for her for a change but is feeling pressured and it’s pissing me off!! But it would cause HUGE drama if I didn’t ask them but said my parents were coming here.

Let them overreact.

You'd be doing a nice thing for your parents.

You invite your parents and leave it up to them to decide what they do.

Just so your parents and if anyone kicks off just suggest they organise a family gathering at theirs for everyone over the Christmas period which you would happily attend but you need a quiet Christmas this year on the actual day itself. Just keep repeating it during any further conversations.

Just invite your parents and noone else. Let them kick off and leave them to it.

Ok I'd pop up on the sibling group chat somethigb like guys I'm planning on inviting mom and dad to mine this year unless anyone else wants to? Then when/if someone replies "oooh I want to see them on the day or but will we not all meet up etc" you respond "no probs lunch is for 1pm so we could all head over to yours after breakfast? We can each bring a bottle of bubbles so it shouldn't be too much for you"

Have your parents told your siblings they don’t want to host or just offloaded this to you?

You need to decide on the plan early, have you run the idea by your parents yet? If they are on board with the plan then stick to that and just inform everyone else. If they kick off then that’s their drama, don’t make it yours.
I suspect your parents would love a day with you and your kids this year and maybe next year another sibling can host them, however I think your parents won’t want to upset anyone so will host as usual and be exhausted by the end of the day!

You don’t give in to tantrums.

So your 70yr DM usually hosts everyone.

This year, you want to have DM to take the pressure off, but feel unable to host all other siblings and children and still enjoy your day.

You've spoken to DM who agrees, if you invite her, and not the rest of them, they will all kick off. I presume this is because they want everyone together.

What I would do, is say to your siblings, that you feel DM is getting too old to host Christmas for everyone, and would like to host her at yours, but you don't feel you can host everyone comfortably. You don't want to deny anyone else spending Christmas with DM, but would really like to take the pressure from her, so what are their suggestions?

I'm with everyone else, let them kick off and ignore them.

Exactly that @MollysDolly they’re just really pressuring my parents who would feel bad.
Yes @IAmSantaOhYesIAm that’s probably what will happen 😞
And my mum always says “last one, not doing this again” but always does it again. I don’t understand the “come one come all” approach to it. They’ve got their own families I don’t understand why they don’t sometimes want to stay home. One brother travels quite a bit.
Well I do understand.. it’s because they don’t have to lift a finger 😡

They’ve got their own families I don’t understand why they don’t sometimes want to stay home. One brother travels quite a bit.
Well I do understand.. it’s because they don’t have to lift a finger 😡 as you don't normally go to your Mom's for Xmas Day could you use that to your siblings, to say you want to see her for once?

@Just10moreminutesplease no they’ve told my siblings but in a “not again” jokey kind of way but it’s clear from saying it every year they’d like a break. They’re just being ignored.

So let the shit hit the fan. Let them tantrum. Tell them they can host next year if they want and you’ll have your own smaller Christmas at home with dh and dc.

Um, let them go ape shit!!

By ‘other people’s kids’ I presume you mean your nieces and nephews? Your parents’ grandchildren? I would find it highly unlikely that your parents would go from hosting everyone to not wanting to see a large part of their family at Christmas. It doesn’t need to be Christmas Day, but I feel there is probably a diplomatic way of doing this that reassures everyone they will get to see family sometime over the Christmas period.