Do you tell your DC a budget figure?

[Ratherly]

First year where youngest knows it's not Santa, yet his Christmas list wish list is long!

Eldest on the other is reluctant to ask for anything, is very conscious of expense.

So I'm thinking I could tell them both for separate reasons what our budget is?

Or will that ruin the magic?

I think it's important that you make them aware that budgets exist and that their expectations need to fall within them

Father Christmas has only ever done stockings here and one gift so it's not something I've had to worry about really, I've always said to ask FC for one of two things and that's it.

Sorry that's not helpful! I grew up with very specific budgets from my parents (including for stocking fillers which I also had to make a list for ) and it really wasn't fun for me. I do think they need to understand that there isn't an unlimited fund though. I don't think there's anything wrong with telling them you can't get them everything and maybe they could put a star by the one they would like the most.

I normally ask my children to write me a list of what they want and I'll get a few bits from there (or something similar if cheaper). They're raised in a way to love the little things as we've struggled with money for years.
My oldest has asked why money is tight and I'm truthful to him

I find the whole "magic" idea properly weird once children are old enough to understand the value of money and that father Christmas isn't making the presents at the north pole and bringing them on a sleigh pulled by reindeer etc. Exactly how is there magic for children who are no longer tiny? There's a feeling or atmosphere, bit that's nothing to do with receiving everything you could possibly imagine converting and more to do with being with specific people in a warm, cozy place while the weather is rubbish outside, and maybe with twinkling lights, open fires, good food and watching feel good films... or for some people cold churches and religious stories...

We've told ours a budget from around age 8. They know then that if they want something very expensive its not impossible, but they'd need to ask for money and put it together with birthday money and money from grandparents. There's no point buying older children and teens a pile of rubbish they don't want, leaving an out of budget present as a pipe dream and then throwing a hissy fit that they aren't grateful for the "magic", when they could have the only item they actually want (and can't buy themselves because under 18s generally don't have the possibility to earn and save for things costing hundreds of pounds/ euros) if they put multiple budgets together. In all honesty I think the "magic" thing becomes a parental/ grandparent/ adult power trip when children are older and have no agency. Birthdays and Christmas are the only time children and teens under 16 actually have any chance of getting things adults buy themselves without a thought, so giving them the opportunity to express preferences is only humane, and letting them know the budget is empowering.

Thank you - good range of perspectives.

When I met my DH his family all just gave each other cash. What is the point of that no magic there!

Mine know that a PS5 or a gaming computer is too much, but I’ve never actually set a budget. I think if i did then autistic DS1 would add up exactly what he wanted, and I’d rather there was some element of surprise!

They have a limited number of gifts they can put on their lists. They choose 2 things and then 2 back ups in case santa can’t get their main gifts. But all mine still believe.

We spend all year saying no and explaining the costs of things, Christmas is the one time we’d like to say yes. When they know the truth then I’m hoping they will be aware of the costs of things, if not they will still have the 2 item rule in place.

A two items rule certainly doesn't work when a teen wants more than anything in the world is a graphics card which costs very significantly more than £1000...

You can't apply toddler rules to teens- you do need a budget!

Surprises are also quite unpleasant, or irritating, or disappointing, for many autistic people (not all - I don't personally think autism should be one diagnosis, but that's something for a different thread!).

I think the obsession of the gift giver with magic is sometimes a power play unconsciously though. My mother once let slip that the most important thing to her is that the gifts she gives give the right message about her - which explains a lot (some people have to give books and don't care whether the recipient already has that book, has read it and didn't enjoy it, grew out of the genre three years ago, never liked and never will like historical fiction, doesn't read for pleasure ever, takes significant pleasure in choosing their own books... or whatever).

Are gifts about the giver or the receiver? That's what it comes down to IMO.

No, we don't set budgets. Father Christmas only does little stocking bits here, so that doesn't come into it for us. My dc have always made Christmas wish lists for wider family, but we tend to buy them things we know they want or something we've thought would be a great surprise. They have a pretty good idea of what kind of prices would be unreasonable tbh.

I wouldn't give a specific budget, but I'd say something about not getting everything on your list to manage expectations.

My parents always called it a wish list - not a list to be ticked off & completed. It often got rolled over to birthdays.
We were told there wasn't a money tree so we should be grateful for everything including surprises

My dds make a wish list. Gives Santa a few options! Usually they put 5 items of ranging cost on there. We will continue this once dd2 no longer believes.

Thankfully neither have really asked for lots of expensive items, I buy alot second hand too. We don't really do brands as a family and due to budget everything is cheap, on offer or second hand.

Eg dd2 (9) this year has asked for a surprise board game, a rainbow high doll playset, squishmallow soft toy, super colossal velociraptor Blue, a llama and fidget toys. Dd1 is 13 all she wants is some bread, a monokuma onesie, robux, cinnamon bun squishmallow and a sketching set she saw in the works.

I have never set a budget as such but have given the same outlines as I was given as a child which is feel free to make your wish list for Santa as long as you like but understand you are unlikely to get everything and should think yourself lucky to get any of it lol. Santa has to be able to give surprises so you can’t be too specific but it’s useful for him to know if there are a few items you really really want more than others. If they are “big presents” choose one! And know you might not get that too!

We’ve never set a budget and just get what they ask for.

@GirlWithAGuitar

We’ve never set a budget and just get what they ask for.

Wow, lucky kids and it’s great that you can afford to do this but meanwhile in the “Real World” it’s not that simple .

Wow, lucky kids and it’s great that you can afford to do this but meanwhile in the “Real World” it’s not that simple

It’s up to others what they do. I was just answering the question in the title of OPs posts. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My youngest asked for a ballpark budget this year, so I told him what we would spend on the non-FC bits. The others never asked.

He explained it made him feel worried asking for things and not knowing if he was being reasonable. Which I thought was fair enough.

Remember that the list is just a suggestion, you don't have to buy everything on it. We give our children a budget now their adults or they'll just so for something cheap. DD's is still full of books , but I normally but her something she's told me she wanted but not enough to use her book money 😃

Yes I do. Last year was an expensive year, as I bought DS17 a new iPhone and a new PlayStation 5.
But this year he will get just a few games and a stocking.

Other than the years like last year, I set a £500 limit.

I don't say a budget but I will point out that individual requests are too expensive (and if really wanted, discuss some option to enable them to have them such as making it a shared birthday/Christmas present or asking child to chip in some money (which is effectively giving them money I guess).

Or if they have multiple smaller items on the list I'll say that they are only likely to get 2 or 3.

Thereby setting expectations without giving a set budget.

Older children/teens shouldn't really need it spelling out that they won't get everything they want though? Quite a few of the points on this thread are only really applicable for younger children.

Once DC 'know' about Santa, I like to think they are encouraged to 'passing it forward' by giving to others. Making cards to send to relatives etc.

And given more choice about what they are given.

We tend not to have budgets
It varies from year to year depending on what’s needed etc.
Sometimes one gets more, sometimes it’s one of the others.
Swings and roundabouts

Surprises are also quite unpleasant, or irritating, or disappointing, for many autistic people (not all - I don't personally think autism should be one diagnosis, but that's something for a different thread!).

I think this was aimed at me @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme so I just wanted to reassure you that I realise that. That’s why I said some element of surprise. I know how much my DS can or can’t cope with; I also understand it would be different for other autistics

We don’t have a set budget. However DS asked for a top of the range iMac this year and I have said no- he doesn’t need it as he has a perfectly good MacBook and it’s a lot of money. Had he been able to demonstrate why he needed it, I’d have considered it.

So, no set budget but equally we don’t just buy whatever they want.