No Gift Christmas Day

[ChristmasSnow21]

For the first year ever I’m contemplating a no gift Christmas Day.

Anyone who’s done this or thought of doing this wiling to share with me how their day was without the interspersal of gifts.

Reason for no gifts is children are now adults, but no partners / children of their own, and we are going away for twixmas so that is their gift which they are happy about and want to do.

Just I’m thinking how do I make Christmas just us immediate family with no gifts to open.

Of course it's fine, your grown up DC are getting a lovely gift of a holiday plus spending money ... we frequently had 'no gift' Christmas days, we used to go skiing at Christmas which was a lovely expensive treat and no way was I lugging presents half way round the world (we went to the USA) just so my DS could 'open' something.

Our DS is grown up now and doesn't need presents to unwrap, nor do I or my DH or elderly DM, we still have a lovely day - Church, walk, nice meals, board games, film etc.

And I echo the point about unwanted Christmas presents ending up in charity shops - I run a charity shop and we will be inundated with unwanted stuff after Christmas - the charities even now produce special posters to attract your unwanted gifts .

I just went away for a (very) belated friendsmas with my group of friends. Two of us got up early and did all the decorating/laying the table and told the other not to come down until they got a signal. The signal was wizzard playing very loudly. Everyone was presented with a bucks fizz, we had festive scratchcards at the breakfast table. We went for a "christmas day" swim, came home for a massive christmas dinner, watched a festive movie with loads of cheese. It felt absolutely FILLED with joy, and we all kept forgetting it wasn't actually Christmas day and that we could pop out for prosecco. No presents in sight but my favourite Christmas ever.

There should still be gifts though - surely your DC will get you presents? And gifts for each other? So really it is just that your present to them isn't one to unwrap. In which case I think it is fine to not get anything more. Or get something cheapish like a book. Stockings can end up costing a fortune.

@Mammyloveswine

I personally think it's a bit miserable...but each ti their own!!

I agree.

We had massive xmases as a child where the whole livingroom was like a toy factory it was like living in the fenwicks window and then I hit 13 (right when my mam remarried and we had to move house) and suddenly she decided I was too old for the big xmases.

That was the moment my childhood and all whimsy died, I still got gifts but it was a small handful of random token 'grown up' gifts like a dove body wash set etc... and my dad even hated putting a tree up so Christmas day was just sat around bored, usually in awkward silence until everyone ate then fell asleep.

I HATED xmas over the next 7 years to the point I didn't even see a reason to get up on the day anymore.

When my DS came he was the saving grace, I just loved xmas again and get to do the whole big xmas thing again... I dread the day they have all flown the nest for families of their own and that stops again.

I know when they are older I'll obviously have to rein the gifts in a lot more but I cant ever imagine a day I'll just stop - it just seem so sad.

@AmanitaRubescens

We play board games, go to the park or a forest walk with a flask of hot chocolate, snuggle up in front of the fire with movies and old home movies from my kids childhood and mine

How is that Christmas? Unless you're genuinely broke that sounds grim.

I hate Secret Santa and stocking, they're just landfill. In OP's situation I'd give one beautifully wrapped gift that I knew the recipient would love.

Yeah - People say these things like they discovered magic, we do this shit all year long its not a special thing - A list someone else put:

Church is (even if your pretty religeous) lets face it pretty boring (+ our group is made up of 3 different churches/religeons).

Walking (especially in winter) is my idea of actual hell - mud, drizzle, snow, rain, the biting cold and theres nothing special to see or do round here. The whole reason I dont have a dog is because the idea of walking it in the cold rain is horrific but we can walk all year round its not a special xmas treat.

Watching a film, good luck its like herding cats trying to watch a film as a large group (its usually just on as background atmosphere) but that said its not unique we do it many times per year (its just way more successful an endever at the cinema which you cant do on xmas day)

Dinner, its nice enough but basically sunday dinner, we having something similar-ish EVERY WEEK.

And the worst one for me the saying 'the gift of your time' as if they discoved the perfect thing.
That doesnt make me go 'wow' that makes me feel sorry for their family - my kids have access to me 24/7 they are drowning in my time but I would never call it a 'gift' and it certainly not a special xmas thing that they dont get the rest of the year.

@mam0918 - I don't get the "snuggling" in front of a "movie". First of all it's a FILM/DVD (unless you're from North America) and secondly, my family and I like our space when watching telly. None of this snuggling and slurping hot chocolate business

Some proper Scrooges on here

OP, I get that you’re not planning to buy your DC a physical gift but are you planning to set a “no gifts” rule for everyone. Very different things, I think.

In your shoes I’d still want to wrap something up- perhaps something like a bottle of sun cream* that will be useful for their holiday and stands for the larger present.

• or pair of mittens or guidebook or whatever, depending on the holiday.

We give money to our children every year but they get a ‘bank of mum and dad’ cheque that I print off and wrap up- as well as a stocking and a couple of small gifts under tree ( about £10 in total for under tree and a bit more for stocking)

Gifts are all things they will use like socks/toiletries

If we had a no gift Christmas I would probably have to wrap empty boxes to put under the tree, but I acknowledge openly that I am a sad twat

I don’t think it’s nice to put other people’s Christmas plans down. And it’s certainly not in the spirit of the Christmas board.

I think it sounds fine. They are adults they don't need a pile of presents to open. They have a holiday and spending time as a family. I would however do stocking or token gift like food, drink something related to hobby or the holiday. Just one thing for each person to open.
Then focus on do what you enjoy doing be that eating, drinking, going for a walk or playing games.

Who gets presents from work colleagues, unless it is a Secret Santa? Don't do presents for friends either, apart from a Secret Santa for one group of friends.

We do minimal presents from family too, just to reduce clutter. Can still have a nice Christmas

@PinkJam

I don’t think it’s nice to put other people’s Christmas plans down. And it’s certainly not in the spirit of the Christmas board.

Agreed. We all like different things at Christmas, whether it’s madrigals or Mrs Brown’s Boys.

@Bananarama21

Robin233

Once our children became adults it was a limit of £10.00 each
^^
Bit tight to only spend 10 quid can't get alot with that, surely they are still your children regardless if their adults. We all get 50 quid off parents and its a nice treat as I don't tend to treat myself. I'd get a couple of wrap ups that's the most exciting thing about Christmas is getting presents.
^^^
Ha ha
You're absolutely right.
I think it started when my then 18 year old son expected the usually £250 to be spent on him
And I was still supporting him through Uni to the tune of £££££££
(We have 4 adult children and 2 grandchildren)
He still did ok at Christmas.
I take him shopping with me to the supermarket when he came up for the Christmas holidays and let him throw what ever he liked into the trolly - usually a couple of bottles of sprits - which disappeared back to Uni with him.
So now a days it s bottle of sprits for each of them - similar for their partners.....
(So the £10.00 idea didn't last long)

What about one thing each that is useful for the trip, luggage tags, neck pillows, wash bags….

If they're going somewhere they've not been before a guide book . I know most into is online but it's not really that easy to get a comprehensive list of things to do..

I would get a little something- sarong, guide book, hat etc for each to wrap under the tree. Also what about gift certificates... so a box and inside a print out of a restaurant you will be going to. One the shape of a bottle, inside 'gift vouchers' to a bar. Another one with tickets. You can get loads of great free printable if you go on Pinterest. Then you have the fun of opening things and getting really excited for your holiday whilst avoiding 'stuff'. BTW my mum has done going away as gifts and it is hands down the best!!! I have done it for my children in turn as it is the nicest feeling planning to go away together for a Christmas gift.

I’d have to buy something. It doesn’t need to be endless tat. Something considered and meaningful.

It wouldn’t feel like Christmas if there wasn’t gift giving IMO. People can say that’s selfish/materialistic but it really doesn’t need to mean buying hoards of plastic from China or stuff that gets binned in January.

There’s that “rule” people on MN like to use, too. “Something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read”. You could follow that and get a few token but thought out gifts.

Or even instead of a Christmas Eve box that people do, a Christmas Day box? So new pyjamas, nice drinks to enjoy over the day, etc.

If I could choose I'd ask the whole family not to get me anything. There is no thing I need, no thing I want. I have just spent weeks of exhausted, sweat drenched effort getting rid of all the crap from this house. I would actually pay them not to load me down with more of it.

What I'd like best is to spend more time with them. Simple (and hard) as that.

I haven’t done a no gift Christmas but I think it’s fine as long as everyone is agreed that’s the plan. A change is fine as long as everyone is on board. My siblings and their partners and I all do a secret Santa for each other to the tune of around £40 (initially this was £20-25 I think but has gone up with inflation over the years lol). At first I wasn’t very happy with this plan thinking it joyless but everyone else was keen and we were all pretty broke so it made sense. I’m used to it now and actually now that we all have kids I’m glad I don’t have to buy for each of them individually as well as the kids! We do buy for each other’s kids which is a lot of fun. Although sometimes it feels a bit miserable to me as a single parent as my siblings also have their partners buying for them too but this is really my only Christmas gift! I think my parents realised that and after a few years of my parents saying they weren’t doing significant gifts for us “kids” anymore more than a pair of socks and a chocolate bar type stuff, now they do buy something for us all again (they are also less broke than they were at one point so it’s sort of snuck back in lol). Although my mum is constantly wondering if it’s the right thing to do and threatening a no gift Christmas! So at Christmas I get something around £40 worth from the sibling secret Santa and something maybe £60 worth or so from my parents.

In a similar vein my parents kept asking us not to “waste” our money on them and they do really have everything they want and need, so we normally club together as siblings (and partners) to buy them a weekend away or a nice painting or something along those lines - usually about £40 each.

There are no set rules about not buying for people if you just randomly want to or see something you think they’d really like especially if it’s a token gift so sometimes someone will randomly get something extra from someone and that’s just their luck! Like I saw these COVID playing cards and knew my brother in law would love them so he randomly got them even though he wasn’t my secret Santa just because it was fun and inexpensive and I saw it and thought of him.

There are lots of other things to be enjoyed about Christmas Day. I personally always buy a new board game for the whole family to play on Christmas Day (it’s ostensibly for my 14 year old son from “Santa” and he keeps it long term but it’s really a gift for the family to enjoy together!).

If my parents set a no gift Christmas as a rule (which they have threatened to lol), I’d be ok with it. And just buy myself something nice for Christmas instead haha - actually probably if we were doing no gift Christmas I would treat myself to one of the lovely but extortionately expensive beauty/skincare advent calendars that I list after (have never understood how people can afford one of these and Christmas presents too!) and open it during the holidays!

@AmanitaRubescens

We play board games, go to the park or a forest walk with a flask of hot chocolate, snuggle up in front of the fire with movies and old home movies from my kids childhood and mine

How is that Christmas? Unless you're genuinely broke that sounds grim.

I hate Secret Santa and stocking, they're just landfill. In OP's situation I'd give one beautifully wrapped gift that I knew the recipient would love.

How is this grim? Which part? The games? The walk? The snuggling up?

Do you find spending any time with your family grim? Or only the parts where spending is not a feature? For many people spending is not part of Christmas at all and for others it’s simply not possible due to tight finances. Large amounts of spending at Christmas is only a fairly recent tradition but Christmas has been enjoyed for centuries first as Yule and they managed fine without tills, credit cards and Amazon prime.