Nuclear family Christmas.

[Tandoorimixedgrill]

Only child with no living parents or aunts etc and two small children. DH family live 4 hours away and won’t be coming for Christmas.

My question is how do you make Christmas seem special if it’s just 2 adults 2 children?

All our local friends will being seeing their own families so it’s not like we can invite them or even meet up.

We’ve done it a couple of times and it’s always so flat, makes me very sad about my lack of wider family so any tips to liven it up are welcome.

We could spend the whole day with family, but I prefer to spend most of the day with OH and our 2 children, as we can work to our own timetable and not have to follow anyone else's plans.

I prepare fun things to do like quizzes, board games, treasure hunts and bingo, which we can do throughout the day.
If you wanted to incorporate family, you could arrange a family call and play together eg a quiz.

Last year, I made up a hamper of food, which we got to open on Xmas day. It had lots of goodies in it and everyone enjoyed the surprise.

@AndWhat

We don’t try to make it ‘special’ as such we just enjoy the peace of the day. No one having to rush to school/work answer phone calls etc. Kids enjoy playing with new gifts and we watch whatever rubbish is on the television. It’s one of the only days we get to be just us with no other commitments

That sounds perfect.

Its always been just the four of us and its lovely. We don’t have to dress up kids can stay in PJ’s if they want. No arguments about what to watch on TV plenty of room for everyone to sit comfortably at the table and on the sofa.

I almost always have a nuclear family Christmas - they are definitely the best! I find it hard to understand how Christmas can not be special or how it could feel flat, tbh.

Christmas Eve we make gingerbread houses, go for a walk to look at lights, then come home and the DC have their CE boxes. They have a bath/shower and put PJ's on while I make our supper of soup and crusty bread followed by a nice dessert. We always watch the Muppets Christmas Carol and then read Twas the Night before Christmas before the DC hang their stockings and put out the mince pie etc.

On Christmas day the DC open their stockings when they wake up and then we have a special breakfast of Pastries and Orange juice,/ Bucks Fizz. After breakfast we open our presents from each other. Then we get dressed, play with toys etc etc. We have our Christmas dinner about 2pm and have a break before pudding. In this break we play games together. After pudding we open presents from other people. Then time to relax with a Christmas film or a new book.

Thanks everyone for the ideas and empathy. I guess we are all sold this idea of a perfect Christmas with all our nearest and dearest popping in and out and it’s difficult when you don’t have any extended neared and dearest.

I do have my three favourite humans right hear though so will take on board the ideas and try to loosely structure the day so it flows.

I guess I’m sad that my parents died when I was young and I don’t get to share the joy of my children’s Christmas with them (or anyone that remembers them).

@TwinsandTrifle

I don't understand? There's 4 of you. 2 of whom are children so will have all the excitement factor there (are they young enough to believe still?) And you're not happy about it, why?

I thought this was going to be a thread perhaps of children all flown the nest, or "just me and DD this year" but you're a family of four.

Genuinely don't understand what you're sad about?

I guess I’m sad that my parents died when I was young and I don’t get to share the joy of my children’s Christmas with them.

I was worried about this last year (pandemic) but in actual fact I absolutely loved it! I got to spend time with my children rather than running round after others!

That’s how we spend Christmas every year. It’s all about our DDs, they open presents, play with them, we have a brunch, more playing, Christmas movies, big dinner and games. We move at our own pace, I put a colouring tablecloth out to colour, we play the children’s games and toys and we just have a day all about us being together as a family.

It must be so hard having lost your parents young op. I guess that at Christmas, more than ever, you want people to cherish the children and you.

Christmas brings home a lot of sadness for many people and it is hard for people to understand when their ideal is the hand you've been dealt. And that hand is all muddled up with bereavement and what you wish could have been.

Absolutely take the pressure off a bit. If you have close friends around you, see them around Christmas too. Maybe a couple of trips out with friends, cinema or similar? Celebrate the people you have and carve out some traditions for all of you.

There are only three of us and it's never flat
This is what we do:
Christmas Eve, go to children's nativity service, then something festive for dinner plus Christmas Eve bag.
Christmas Day: Wake up, do stockings, then breakfast, then church at 11, then walk on beach, then home, cups of tea and cake to have with opening presents at about 1pm. That goes on till about 2, then we make dinner/play. Dinner at about 4, then more playing. I am the lady cook of the house, and usually get to watch something nice on telly at 9pm, with a tray of festive snacks and port.

I grew up in a big family, so although I know what you mean about big family Christmases, I have got used to our smaller celebration now and I actively enjoy the lack of stress and conflict. I think delaying present opening is really key - DC are beside themselves by 1pm

Genuinely don't understand what you're sad about?

It's literally in her first sentence.

Lovely post from ShowofHands

I do feel for you. If it worked for you, is there anything you remember of Christmas with your parents that you/they particularly enjoyed that you could incorporate into the time with your children? Or maybe something like lighting candles on Christmas Eve together to remember those who can’t be with you? I realise this might not work for you, but it might help if you have a dedicated ritual or space in which you say out loud that there are people who you would love to have with you but who are no longer here?

It is very sad your parents died young

Try to separate your grief from the nuclear family Christmas, family Christmases are wonderful, cosy, magical and memorable.

I know you miss your parents. But your family Christmas can still be really beautiful. We do it this way every year and it is lovely, the secret is loads of prep and anticipation IMO, so the day is a big treat. My kids love Christmas.

How is it not special? That's the only Christmas I've ever known.

People popping in - shudder.

You just do Christmassy things, kids open stockings, get up, have breakfast - possibly more fancy than usual.

Present opening - drag it out for as long as possible doing one at a time. Then kids playing with toys/reading books.

Have Christmas Dinner. Eat too much. Go for a walk even though no-one wants to. Watch cheesy film.

Job done.

There are three of us and we have always had a “just us” Christmas. We cherish it. Always have a plan for Christmas Eve - theatre for something Christmassy or cinema for whatever the big Christmas release is. We play board games, watch TV, stockings in the morning, tree pressies after lunch, go for walks, eat what we like when we like…

Embrace the freedom of the chance to make your own traditions.

Have you thought of inviting a neighbour who might be on their own?

There's only 3 of us. We have a brilliant time every year. We have been abroad a lot but obviously covid put a stop to it last year so we were in the U.K. but we had a great time.

Maybe you should address why a lack of wider family makes you sad instead of being with your own unit.
In our case we find it freeing and a lot lot easier to manage, we actually get time off from work instead of rushing around and a lot of our friends end up moaning they're seeing relatives for the sake of it hardly something to wish for

@Tandoorimixedgrill - I'm sorry to hear about your parents. But even if they were here it doesn't mean they would have necessarily wanted to be involved at Christmas with your DC. My DC's grandparents are not bothered about seeing them at Christmas atall!

I would do everything the way you as a family want to do it. So, if it's up at the crack of dawn,or not up until 10 am,you pick. I would agree with spreading out the present opening, have Christmas music on,fire lit or on the telly,nibbles and drinks through the day. Buy a game suitable for all ages of your family to open and play after dinner,make the cleaning up together quicker 👀🤣.
Leave one or two presents to open just before bed,maybe hide them,and say,oh look what I found,or a treasure hunt,like a book.
Food wise, make what you will all eat,turkey or steak etc.

Maybe you should address why a lack of wider family makes you sad instead of being with your own unit

Because her parent are dead, not abroad or visiting other people. Gone forever. OP misses them. Feels sad they didn't get to meet their grandchildren. She's human and can feel more than one emotion in one day.

OP - I get it. I lost my parents young too. DH, DD (now a teen) and I have lovely Christmases just the 3 of us but I have shed tears in the past. For what I've lost and what they've missed.

Lots of good suggestions on here 💐

We always spend Christmas at home. Occasionally I might have someone visit but recently it's just been us.
We have created a few traditions to make it more special and give some structure. For example we always watch a film with special hot chocolate and marshmallows on Christmas Eve and read it was the night before Christmas.
I attempt a board game every year, every year it fails - but that's now a tradition.
We fit in a forest walk at some point.
We do a Nutella Christmas tree and some other treats we wouldn't have at any other point in the year so they are special.
Special xmas clothes, PJs and last year I added bed linen.
We also have a special christmas prep day a couple of weeks before when we put on jumpers, listen to Christmas music and decorate the tree together.
The kids have personalised advent calendars in the run up and our Christmas books selection comes out for December.
We do a full Christmas dinner on Christmas Day and similar on Boxing Day and I decorate the table as I would for guests even though it's just us. I never bother the rest of the year so it makes it special. This year I'm planning to fill our crackers myself to add something extra!

I hate all this 'unit' chat you see on MN. As soon as you marry and reproduce your parents and siblings are just some people you used to know now in your old unit and now that you've have been re-assigned to a new unit you should no longer feel as attached to them.

I completely understand, OP. Christmas can stir up such a swirl of emotions. Especially when you no longer have your parents. You should make Christmas day at your house as cheesy and fun as possible. Plan a few festive days out, host a pre or post-christmas drinks and nibbles party for friends.

It's completely understandable if you lost your parents young that you feel sad for what has been missed. For what it's worth, we always had big family Christmases growing up and it was a pain. Being driven all over as children to visit relatives on Christmas Day, not getting to play with our toys or watch TV, having to dress up, mum being stuck cooking in the kitchen, too much pressure to have a good time and it felt a bit of an overhwelming day. When I had DC I said that we wouldn't be doing any driving around on Christmas Day and would just have a quiet, family day. It's been bliss. The day is calmer, we can relax and just enjoy each others' company, play with the DC, less hassle with the cooking, we always go out for a walk to break the day up and it's lovely seeing people and saying "Happy Christmas" on our walk. There's less pressure and more chill time. We do see family between Christmas and New Year for big gatherings/parties but I really appreciate a quiet Christmas Day.