Am I being a cow not to buy my MIL a present, I am just so fed-up with her???

[chocchipchristmascake]

She is an ungrateful %^&*$ and I would rather give the money to charity.

I have bought her lots of nice things which she tosses aside with barely a second glance and I strongly suspect either gives away or flogs on eBay!

Fair enough, it is hers to do with as she wants.

So then I started getting her gift vouchers which she told SIL she prefers.

Took one over for her birthday at the weekend for fifty pounds, left it on the kitchen table because she was out, have heard nothing.

Not a thing.

This is normal.

So do I carry on or get her something small for Christmas and use the money for something I would like to give to like vaccinations for children overseas.

It just all feels so empty and stupid.

Why don't you buy her a charity present like a goat or something - that way she still gets a present AND you can give the money to charity as well.

Get DH to sort her present out and use your money to give to charities! Sounds like a selfish witch! Do you get on with her or do you think she just doesn't like you, and that's why she's horrible about receiving presents?

surely this is your husband/partners job?

why are you doing the buying? she may much prefer something from her son, chosen by him

YOu can give the gift of shit through Oxfam ( dung). Would that make you feel better?

I would really enjoy buying for her butthen I am a cow. My brother used to pitch up at my mothers house on boxing day, bag up all the presents for him and his kids and then leave. Last year I bought him and his wife packets of thank you cards and their kids the colour in thank you cards to match. I'm getting them the same thing this year.

newgirl, she told my SIL point blank last year that she wanted cash or vouchers.

My husband would get her something hugely imaginative like a box of Yardley soap purchased at 6.00pm on Christmas Eve.

If i do this do I quietly give the money to charity or get her sent a card from the charity saying I've done that (which I think will be seen as provocative ie. I've given the money to them not you.)

Also, as for vaccinating children overseas she thinks 'those people' shouldn't have so many in the first place.

PS - she is discontented, thinks life has dealt her a bad hand and like this with everyone.

Basically she is resentful of anyone who has more than she has. So she likes presents but they make her feel inadequate iyswim.

nothing wrong with a yardley soap. If she doesn't appreciate a 50 pound gift vocher i wouldn't bother getting her anything.

I think I keep trying to 'get it right' and be generous but now I am realizing what my DH has been telling me for years - it is pointless.

I am actually really, really, really p-off that she hasn't said thank you. It is just so bloody rude. One of my friends said I should call her and say 'I am worried you didn't get my generous present, are you ill and unable to speak?'

There is so much more I could do with that moeny than waste it on her.

It is good to vent.

No, go to any charity website and you can get a special xmas gift which is given to a charity recipient (eg buy shoes or xmas dinner/overnight stay for a homelss person) and your "receiver" gets a card saying what they have "given". It's a great pressie - I'm doing these for everyone this year (along with another, normal present for most of them!) Another option along the same lines is to adopt an animal in a zoo or reserve in the recipient's name. I got myself a tiger in Cambodia and you get letters every so often saying what he's up to.

definitely phone her up and ask if she's recieved your gift!

You could get her a really miserable animal, some kind of bat-faced newt or something

(apologies to newts)

Give your dh a tenner and insist he sorts the present.
I would have to tell her how rude and hurtful it is not saying thank you for presents also - did she actually get the £50 .
Alternatively agree with goat idea - but i`d be tempted to go for the cow !
Poor you

I let dh get his mother a present. If it is a teatowel (as it was one year , I don't care!

I hate confrontation so if it was me I would never mention the £50. She would just get to adopt a newt or buy a homeless person dinner every xmas from now on, and be happy with it.

Definitely phone her up and asked her if she enjoyed her birthday.

It niggles me when my brother's (for example) give my parents a card (and if I am lucky a pressie) to pass on to me, without a phone call or attempt to visit to wish me a happy birthday.

No idea if that's what her problem is. But worth phoning to check she received it okay.

But I did visit her VVV !!!

So why was voucher left on the table? Sorry - i'm confused

I went over to MIL's house, she was out shopping so I talked to her daughter (who lives there) for about an hour waiting for her, she didn't turn up and I left it.

No, I don't think the daughter nicked it before someone says that! This is normal, even when you hand her stuff MIL sniffs and puts it to one side.

There is a useful thread in chat about Velvet Vulva handbags - why not get her one of those?

could she be embarrased by such a generous present? can she afford to give you such generous presents in return?

I can assure you she is not embarrased becasue she has no shame! A couple of years ago BIL bought her a new cooker and she told everyone how much it cost and how good he is 'because we have no money.'

It's more likely she thinks we should have got her a new fridge.

At least if I got her a fabric vulva I would never have to speak to her again. She is very religious and her main topic of conversation is the Book of Revelations and the soon-to-be-end of the world because God is so disgusted with sexual promiscuity.

oh yes that would piss her off, can see how you are tempted

Just let your DH get her the unimaginative gifts, least you won't get stressed out and you can feel smug that she has got such an awful present!

Well it sounds like the fabric vulva is a winner then. Problem solved!