How to rein it in a bit this year (and not disappoint dd)

[Piplette]

My eldest dd will be 7 just before Christmas. Her sister turns 2 around the same time so all the gift giving is compressed 🙄.

For a variety of reasons (generous family, me not being able to stick to a budget) my eldest has so much stuff - too much to play with. This includes barbies, sylvanian families, lol dolls, rainbow corns, polly pocket. She also has a tablet, nintendo ds, vtech watch & camera, scooter, bike, roller skates.

I really want to cut back this year as it's ridiculous but I'm wondering how to do this in a way that dd doesn't feel disappointed (again ridiculous but it's my fault for setting expectations). It's not even about the cost although that's one factor it's more that I want to get her fewer things that she'll appreciate. She hates getting clothes as presents - she's not really fussed with them and would live in pjs.

Is there a subtle way to do this or to I just need to bite the bullet?

I appreciate how spoiled she has been until now hence I want to fix it.

Has anyone else done this or have any tips?

Experience gift? At 7/8 I'd have thought she'd really appreciate tickets to a show with you and a kid friendly dinner, somewhere/something special?

I've been trying to figure this out too. Most of the stuff bought for her doesn't get played with and I really want to avoid this happening again. But, I don't want her to be disappointed. I have said that I set the budget for Santa!!

Set a budget and stick to it?

She's old enough to explain to that Father Christmas doesn't want her to be overwhelmed with gifts and stuff there's no space for this Christmas. So what would she really like to get this year and just tell her if it's too much £££ or get a few people to chip in?

It's a complete nightmare trying to find space for all the new stuff if it's been a particularly good year...

I think you could talk to her and explain that everyone in the family will be receiving fewer presents this year because you all have things you don't use enough and its not good for the planet.

You could give her a catalogue and ask her to choose three things up to a certain value?

And you could involve her in choosing and buying things for her little sister?

And maybe all choose and wrap a present for an underprivileged child so she gets to understand that not everyone is as lucky as she is?

And switch the focus of the Christmas holidays to doing lots of special creative and family activities together such as baking, crafts, making cards, Xmas themed treasure hunt, winter walks, making a wreath, board games etc rather than receiving things. I've found that you really have to plan for this and ring fence time each day because it's very easy for adult Christmas tasks to overwhelm the time spent with dc; it helps being very organised.

Btw, when I was your daughter's age, I remember planting hyacinth bulbs with my dad in September and putting them in a dark cupboard and it was really exciting watching them grow in time for Christmas. Maybe your dd would enjoy that?

I was told a good little rhyme to use when getting the kids Christmas presents-

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

You could teach it to her and let her choose? That plus a stocking is more than enough.

Suggest activities like summer camps, swimming & music lessons etc to family if asked for gift ideas.

I use this mantra too-

Something you want
Something you need
Something to wear
Something to read

As pp said, introduce this to her in the autumn and tell her it’s going to be used for your family, get her to help choose the presents for her sister and she’ll really understand it.

Although you said your Dd doesn’t like getting clothes, the “wear” one could be new PJs

My kids are grown up now, but when we talk about Christmas they remember experiences not the presents which seem to blur into each other. Things like walking around the streets looking at the lights and then having not chocolate. Decorating the tree,(which DH will then "correct") , going out for an extended family meal.

I agree with experiences, although not too many in December itself or it becomes overwhelming (for both parents and DC). Our favourites when the DCs were younger:

Planting hyacinths the weekend before school starts in September (we are in England). We have a bulb glass for each DC.

Getting out Christmas bedding and making Christmas playlists when you start Advent calendars.

Going to a Christmas tree farm to cut our own tree (needed to book last year, don't normally).

Going to nearest big garden centre to choose a new bauble each.

Christmas Eve - getting them involved with food preparation especially carrots and mince pies for Santa and the reindeer.

Walk round and see the Christmas lights after dark.

Special Christmas breakfast.

That way the focus isn't all so much on the presents. We do usually have something to read, something to wear etc but those things are small gifts, and I hate that poem. Then one or two main presents and a few stocking bits. Tickets for something later in the year or panto after Christmas are good.

My older dc used to get loads of presents for Xmas (mainly from bootsales). As they grew older (and we had more children) we introduced a limit. 5 presents from Santa, one from us, and their stockings. They honestly didn't really notice the difference, in fact they seemed a lot calmer and less overwhelmed by the day having less to open. We don't have a lot of family that buys presents so they only get 3 other gifts.

Experiences! We did that a cousin years ago and Covid buggering some bits up it has been brilliant! An adventure day out with a friend, a west end show, and meal vouchers.

I’m going to go against the grain and ask if this is the right head to do it. Does she still believe in Father Christmas? If she does, then she only has one or two more years left, in which case, re-setting expectations once she knows it’s you feels like a more natural way to do it.

I think 7 is sort of a tricky age and still very young in some ways.

The right year to do it. Damn autocorrect

I'm going down the art and craft route. So all will be used, is inexpensive (if you're careful where you shop) and seems like loads to the eye,
I like it to look like a wonderland on Christmas morning but it takes a lot of mental gymnaoto keep the price down and not have to store too much

I’d wrap up stuff that won’t clutter your house:

New pyjamas
A comic
A board game
Slippers (nice ones)
Microwaveable soft toy
Etc. Stuff that you might get anyway and that isn’t toys.

Make sure you are giving something to actually do on the day though. We’ve had things like walk-ie talkies, scooter, twisty puzzle thing etc.

Could you buy her and your younger dd a nice, personalized (but smallish) stocking and say these are what Santa will be filling up this year and nothing more?

How about something like a magazine subscription?

Also I'd just have quite an open discussion with her about it "actually we have so many toys, let's ask Santa for other types of gifts and choose some nice experiences to do together for family gifts"

I have similar age gap and similar issues. But no real solution. Far too much stuff in this house.

I find it easier to limit birthday stuff than Christmas. If you really want a £150 Lego set then you need to ask for money for birthday to put together to get it.

I try to direct some gifts from grandparents in the direction of sports stuff that's needed.
I remember buying my niece riding lessons around that sort of age. So might go down that sort of route.

But Christmas I do try and make sure the kids have the same number of gifts to open. Done worry about the value. Not that they'd count them more that we tend to watch them open gifts at the same time. Especially as from us / Santa they only have about 7 things including one or two biggish things, selection boxes, books, art toy, DVD etc.

I always used to spend silly amounts upwards of £500 per child.
But now we have four and our life situation has changed it's a bit more organised. I set a budget of £150 per child plus £25 for silly stocking fillers. This seems to work. The children send me request lists because they know how much they have to spend.

I have a good friend who only does stockings. They then donate their gift giving money to charities, but their children are all adults now.

We always make a very elaborate ginger bread house with sweets that forms an exciting part of Christmas. They get to eat this on Christmas Day. This is inexpensive to do.

Decorating the tree and making decorations is also special. Years ago we made Lego themed clear baubles. It's a cheap easy way to do something special with them. You need glue and some fake snow, get them to create a festive figure or even a drawing to put inside. It can be anything even pine cones.

We try to have a day out with cakes and hot chocolate whilst looking for a new bauble for the tree and enjoying the Christmas festivities at our independent local garden centre. It's magical and has themed rooms with things for the children to enjoy. Our are almost all adults now and we still enjoy this (pre covid).

I’ve read about people leaving out their old toys on Christmas Eve for Santa to bring to other dc, which sounds lovely but would be disastrous in my house! But maybe a good clear out before Christmas might ease the pressure. If you do it sooner rather than later you might find that she actually enjoys and values the empty spaces (easier to play in, easier to tidy up and easier to find what she wants).

I also fell into the trap of over doing Christmas and I wrap up a lot of useful , but nicer than usual, essentials. For instance I only provide basic stationery in September but they usually need more by December and Santa brings fancy stuff (that I buy cheaply late September), or Santa might bring branded sports equipment.

I try to make sure the majority of the stocking (pillow case) is usable stuff -

• Bath sprudels (like a bath bomb but turn the bath silly colours and have a small sponge animal in the centre)
• Odd unicorn socks pack (or whatever spiffy socks i would not normally waste money on)
• A book (or set)
• Jigsaw
• Arts & crafts activity
• Chocolate orange
• fancy umbrella/ hot water bottle / drinks bottle etc, whichever has broken from last year (and a slightly fancier version thank i would usually spend money on).

And then a couple of toys/soft toys from charity shops.

Do you rotate the toys? If you’re worried about her not having enough new toys to play with on the day, could you tidy away some of the sets and bring them out later. Also Facebook market place is brilliant for used toys, you could add some extra gently used sets to what she already has so when you bring it out it is more ‘fresh’.

We always have a clear out of toys at the beginning of December which are donated to a local food bank that does a toy drive. They have to get rid of at least 5 things each. I also make sure stockings are full of useful things and they always get books, clothes and games as part of their presents. My dd got a Nintendo switch for her birthday so she knows that gamed are expensive so if she wants them then she won't get as many toys to play with.

Mine are older now, 11.5 and just turned 10 so we’re past the hoards of toys age but when they were younger I used to do a clear out in September of toys they’d outgrown or just weren’t interested in anymore.

We’ve never been a one or two gifts only household, it’s just not how we do Xmas but we also tried to think outside the box a bit and not just buy a pile of toys. So cute things for their bedrooms like a throw with their favourite animal, cuddly cushions, maybe an unusual lamp, bookends, wall decals, bean bag chair, decorative lights, even toy storage or shelves over the years. They got toys too of course but they loved their functional but still nice stuff just as much.

Also books, board games, art and crafts supplies, pjs, onesies, dressing gown, stuff for their sports or hobbies, their own suitcase (if a trip was coming up).