what's the most useless xmas pressie you ever received.

[nametaken]

I once got a tube of Lush bath bombs when I lived in a flat that didn't have a bath - only a shower. And the person who brought me the present knew this as she lived in the flat before I did.

My dh once bought me a Soldier Soldier video....because he wanted to see it!

A fondue set from my brother and his girlfriend

Three years or so later - a fondue set from my brother and his next girlfriend

Also from my brother and a girlfriend - a mosaiced iron table for a garden. I live on a top floor flat with no outdoor space.

shreddies: !!!

My exboyfriends gran used to give him and his sister those 1/2 price macdonalds tokens you get off the back of parking tickets.

Not sure anyone can beat the yards of knicker elastic that one mner was bought by her MIL (I think it was WWW)

One year, as teenagers, my brother had neglected to buy me anything as usual, so he suggested that he wrap a belt of his and pretend this was his present to me on Xmas day so that he didn't get in trouble with our parents, but the deal was I had to give it back to him aftewards as he needed it.
I played along just to keep the peace...

last yr my dad got me a paper shredder

as the week before I had sorted out my paper and he had disposed of it with his shredder.

trub is I wont accumalate enough 'throw out/shred it' paper for about another 3 yrs.

i need to flog it really!!

A plate to serve grapes on
A horrific fibre optic light with plastic flowers
A handtooled shell and macrame plant holder

All from my own Mother whom has never mastered presents. It has become a standing joke between my brother and I as to what horrors we will unwrap - thing is she gets so excited as she always says, I have tried really hard to find you something wonderful but doen't appear to know us at all.

A teatowel. With a faded poor print. Where the colours went over the lines of the black outline. It was Santa Claus. And he was black.

Members of my family regularly offend by giving DP shaving cream - he has had a beard since he was first able to grow one at 18 !!
Also been given a French educational year diary (when actually asked for folofax inserts). So it runs out in June and you then have to buy another diary from which you only get a half year's use.

A bagel slicer

Some of that stuff for reinflating a flat car tyre. OK, so it might be useful, but I have a spare tyre and know how to change it!

A dancing hamster that sang 'kung fu fighting from my evil stepmother. And a pink game boy DS from my DP (I had given birth 8 days previously, how the bloody hell was I going to find time to play games with a week out baby!)

A walkman from my nan which is fine, but she bought me a ZX Spectrum game to play in it!!!

DF got me a DS for my b/day, 2 weeks after i'd had Tom. Was great for sitting there BF!

A black top

Which would be fair enough, until you consider that the giver (my mum) had honking B.O., and had obviously worn the top prior to giving it. Cue horrid niff wafting up from parcel as it was opened. It still gives me the dry boke now.

Yuk

shoe whitener

A plastic cactus with glowing fibre-optic spines. And a thing that plugs into your USB port and launches foam missiles (or tampax - the missiles were about that size).

This is despite having asked for Oxfam goats. Apparently my in-laws believe that if it's not landfill by Boxing Day, it's not a real Christmas present.

A hat that didn't fit is all I can think of, from mum last year. It's a green beret thing but it is TINY, no way will it stay on my head.

and a matching scarf that was like a shoe lace.

Some strange collectors paper weight thing that commerorated the queen from my mum.

She was an ardent anti-royalist as am I

A small ball of wool. Yep, just the one!

Thong knickers, (I hate them, sil buys me a set of, too big, ones every year, I am married into THE MAD KNICKER BUYING FAMILY).
Oh and the ILs got me a SA rugby shirt one year too, I love rugby but a SA rugby shirt? I blame them for SA winning the world cup this year.

a friend of mine was given a dressing gown by ther grandparents once, which she was quite chuffed with. that is, until she saw what they had given her sister..........

A HORSE! Not really an equal weighting in the presents stakes I'd say.

My in-laws give bizarre presents. Here are some examples:

Christmas sometime in late nineties - a single duvet cover - yes one. It was a present to both myself and DP (now DH) - we were living together at the time. Think they were trying to tell me something?

Christmas 2003 - Tea towel with horses on from local supermarket.

Christmas 2004 - exactly the same design tea towel.

Christmas 2005 - exactly the same design tea towel.

Christmas 2006 - exactly the same design tea towel.

Can't wait for this year's tea towel.

A couple of years ago I unwrapped a package of all my old 45 singles which my parents had been keeping in their loft for me since I'd left home.

Firstly, they were mine anyway.
Secondly, we no longer have a record player.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!