Christmas lists... is it the done thing in your family?

[Othersideofthechannel]

10 years ago we all used to think of gifts we thought each other would like. You might secretly check with someone else close to the person.

Now it seems to be that we are expected to supply a list of ideas of things we would like.

Does this happen in your families?

I think it started because the grandparents started asking our advice regarding the DCs and now everyone has an email address so it's easy for lists to circulate and for people to update if they have used an idea.

It means less unwanted gifts but it also takes the surprise and therefore a little of the pleasure out of opening the gifts.

when we were children we used to write alist to give t my parents but I think as an adult is a bit cheeky

people mostly buy us wine anyway

no not really.

SOmetimes people ask for present ideas (usually for ds) and I suggest general things like arty stuff, musical stuff etc.

Sometimes they ask me outright for me and I usually suggest vouchers fot a certain store or suggest they just get me random book (I can never htink of anyhting I want).

I hate it when I knwo what I'm opeing.

Well we do a Kris Kringle thing and only buy for one adult having pulled a name from a hat. But usually get asked what we want or told. I caused consternation last year as my Mum got me and I said I wanted a surprise! She has me again this year but I actually have an idea and have just researched it and will prob end up ordering it myself! And yes it does spoil the surprise!

My DH is fab though. A few years ago he asked me for some suggestions of things he could get me and I gave him a rather long wish list and he bought everything on it!

we do - but only given when asked, but more I will give ideas for DS and DH to my parents and DH will give ideas about me etc.

dear god my typing has gone crappy

We always do christmas and birthday lists for the adults and children in our family. If you put enough choices on there it doesn't take away the surprise and it's quite nice actually because you know you're going to like whatever it is!

We've always done lists, but it is understood that you will just get one thing from it. Saves getting loads of stuff you don't want.

i usually tell people what to get dc, i hint heavily to dh (but it is a massive surprise if he gets the hint!), parents/gp ask and i usually give them ideas. hate doing it tho, would rather get something i dont want that thought has gone into than something i asked for. although appreciated money last year as we had moved house and wanted to buy furniture in jan sales. well any gift is appreciated, i just prefer the thoughtful ones.

"would rather get something i dont want that thought has gone into than something i asked for"
sometimes I feel this way

Other times I think it is a more environmentally friendly to not get stuff you don't need or at the very least desire

Weegle, it's supposed to be like in your family but sometimes DH asks me what he should put on the list. He usually comes up with at least one idea by himself but there are three other people in his family who buy me gifts.

I guess the other thing is that 10 years ago we didn't have anything so even tea towels was a good gift.

We always do lists in my family, for birthdays too! The list is usually quiet long with a mixture of small and bigger things, and then we get a couple of things off the list. Never everything!

I have a big family...it makes things a hell of a lot easier!

god no - how utterly crass. i buy a present with lve and THOUGHT and if the reciever cannot see that them FUCK them witha merry xmas

Christmas is a major stress for me.

I buy all the present for husband and kids, and he is not involved. I buy presents from my parents to everyone from their home nurses and personal friends, to my kids and my sister and her kids (from my parents). The I drag all these presents on not one but TWO flights, where i have to take luggage out, through customs and check it in again, with two kids in tow, on my own. (as dh is usually away in India and will join us there) I buy all my husbands presents to his mum, his sister, his aunt and his uncle and their kids. I spend a fortune. Without me, Christmas would not happen.

Please tell me other have it the same way, and that it is not just ME who is the single present buyer for an entire extended family.

No lists.

Christmas is as stressful as you make it. For us it's a religious festival. We try to do one thing that is entirely for other people, such as treating a homeless person to a meal. We tell the kids that this is more important than presents. It's also about family and friends, keeping in touch.

Me and dh buy pressies for the kids between us. If he wants to get anything for his family then that's up to him, same for me.

I love the run-up, making decorations with the kids, spraying branches for our "tree" and collecting holly, going to carol services etc.

And of course getting drunk, that goes without saying!

But NO lists. That's not the spirit of Christmas. You should give and not expect to receive. I know that's unrealistic for kids, but we shouldn't be encouraging this selfish, want want want society.

The inlaws insist on a list. I hate hate hate it. Custardo is right - it's crass. Particularly as they go so ott with presents - frankly I find it all a bit embarrassing. I obviously can't change it, so generally I make myself just accept it with good grace and look on the plus side. But I love buying presents for people and it really takes the fun out to be instructed to buy THIS dvd for SIL and THAT book for FIL, and they'll be getting me THIS, THIS and THAT.

Totally agree with you Rhubarb. A few years ago I realised December was going by in a total blur of frantic shopping and preparing. We agreed as a family to drop exchanging adult presents, and it has freed up time and energy for a much more lovely Decemeber, for fun and a real advent.

Oh, and this year I have to provide a list for dd as well "comprising of a couple of big things, some middle things and a few little things". She's 18 months fgs! She doesn't need anything and will spend much of the day ripping up wrapping paper and feeding chocolate to the dog and think it's the best thing ever.

Would it be too awful to say that what dd really wants is a contribution to her big girls bed that dp and I are struggling to afford?

We have a limit of £25 per present per adult and all tell each other what we want or buy it ourselves and pass it on for wrapping.
fil - bottle whisky
mil - smellies/make up etc
mum- she usually chooses her own
bil - next vouchers
sister - pyjamas or something similar
bil - borders voucher
sil - difficult - something girlie
nieces and nephews - £20 each
Baby nephew - clothes and toys
Son - too much

£25!!!!!!

I have around a fiver for everyone. Families get a present for the family, such as a cow from Oxfam. And if they don't appreciate it then they are capitalist bastards who don't deserve presents anyway!

mil insists on list for everything. I don like it one bit. IN fact, I would like a christmas with no presents for the adults.

Lists are the modern thing, though, what with wedding gift lists. Presents for adults is all fairly modern too.

I tell 'em that we don't need anything so to buy a mozzy net for kids in Africa instead.

Oh yes, I'm going to Heaven!

we used to as teenagers and my brother still does. several pages. typed i ignore it on principle

Rhubarb I completely agree that we shouldn't be encouraging this want want want society.

My children have been brought up on a very low budget. While their friends get a playstation and a bike and an MP3 player etc they get one present from us which is rarely more than £20. They don't demand stuff and they are grateful for what they get. As littlies they were the only kids I knew who were thrilled to get new clothes for Christmas.

The only adults we buy for are our parents (and grandparents while they were here).